Document 198232

Released 1-6-97
How to get to the Ca
High School
Articles Written By: Kyloh Conrad, Brad Danto, Aaron Lee, Julian
Lee, Nathan Lee, and Jon Myers. Guest writer: Mat IIughson
This issue was made possible by forks.
Local/World News
VJoletz Elf Scares
Santa Away
Children Around the World
Blame CHS Teacher for Santa's
Absence This Past Christmas
wielding its bloody axe.
CAMBRIDGE, WI - CHS teacher, Mrs. Woletz, claims to
have had no intention of ruining the holiday season for
millions of children across the globe, but law officials are
highly suspicious- and rightly so. Woletz is well known as
the prime suspect in the disappearance of Miss Bolchen.
Though searches for Bolchen's corpse have been called
off, Woletz is by no means off the hook. Now, with the
"Serial Elf' incident (the evidence of which may or may
not still be posted in plain sight on Woletz's bulletin
board), police have hard evidence of her criminal intentions- unfortunately too late to save Christmas.
One can see the efffects of this tragedy by asking
children if they saw Santa this year. A survey was taken,
and the results showed that less than 30% of children
were able to catch a glimpse of old Saint Nick. This could
only be a result of the hideous elf- which scared Santa so
much that he could muster only enough courage to visit a
very small percentage of homes.
A student of Mrs. Woletz commented, "Everyone always thought she was so nice- but she didn't fool me! I
knew that deep down she is an evil tyarant of a teacher
just waiting for the right moment to enslave us all and
put us to work in the coal mines!!!!" He then ran off,
Rap Runs Out of Swear-Word Combinations
NEMJ YORE;. NY - Homies all through Harlem were crushed, Monday, when
the rap music industry finally exhausted its supply of swear-word
combinations with a reference to one last mother who was said to be so
****in?fat. An advocate of the industry said, "Starting tomorrow, we will
begin the manufacture of our own breed of profanity- to aid in the
continuation of rap music production. Our favorite, thus far, is
"Wytorrnitter" ~\ihichmeans: ugly white colored paint. We're very excited
about its release." Wc, 4 t & S&.squhtQ,ace s\;ghtb llehs t.rtl\k<iaitil.
Confused Student to Smile, Nod
CAhllBRIDGE, WI - A student in hlr. Gaertner's physical science class \bill
repoitedly smile and nod when he doesn't understand what the heck is
going on. This technique, henceforth, looks to become the most widely
used of the student body's arsenal of tricks to fool teachers into thinking
that students are listening, passing up the overused "chuckle politely and
write some notes on what you think they said" method. Tne student who
will first try this technique will remain anonymous, but he told us, "I have
no idea what hlr. Gaertner is talking about."
School to Crack Down on the Smuggling of Cramer's Rule Program
a n d s ~ n u ~ g a p r o g ~ ~ t v h i c h t a k e stahl l oe fJ s R u l e a l g e b r a
problems. Theproblem~vhich~e~~eryin~olvedandeas~~
to screwup,
illegalby kk.Nelsoninlate 1996.Thescl~mlpIans
hallwaysfor suspiciousbehavior.Theevilmastermind,Wicke,wasnotavailableto
Teachers Provide Answers to Semester Exams, Say That
"The Students Will Need All the Help They Can Get."
CAMBRIDGE, WI-Assault ofthesetnesterexanlsheingespesiallydifficultthisyear, the teachenof
CmbridgeHigl~SchmlnaveprovidedTlleSasquatchwiththeanswersand suggest thatsrujentsstudy
them well if they h a v e ~ l intentions
topass t h e e m s . Teachers warn that all thcsewhodon't will
Iikelygtbelrnv500h Answers for chemistry semester exam: 1
ree*F-.uulDI T.
Maze Craze
Jon Myers
Today Iwill review the not so well known movie The
Eighteen Jade Pearls. The main character i s Kung chi h-ya.
Kung chih-yalearnedKung Fu from the monk Liao Yuan +he
tnonk had 18 miniature jade statues that r e p r ~ e n t e db;utig Fu
stanca. 'flt-~en4 disappeared Kung Chi h-yawas ordered t o find
them. He mirst fight mans; powerful memi=. On his journey he
finds a woman who also knows rung FU she offen to b e his
sidekick. What he doesn't know is that she is also lcjoking fsr the
jadestatues. Togaher the go t o a temple where they think the
thief livcs. There are two gates that t h q can enter the &at11 gate
and the birth gate. rung Chii-1-yaenters the birt.h gate arid his
sici~kicke n t m the death gate. This is the bqinni ng of the mob1e,
but if you want to see the ra-tyou'll have to watch.
;very time someone moves there is a difierent solind &en.
In clne fighting scene Kung Chih-ydls sidekick fights a man where
they both have t o fight on large metal balls if she h l l s off she will
e~therfall into sharpened bamboo mds or on the floor where the
guards will kill her. In some fighting scenes Kung Chih-)pa d m his
secret touch of death he hits his enerriy i n the stornaick~agai t i s t
something then ketchup-li ~ bel o d oozes from their mouth and a
burn mark is left where the$ have been struck. The people talk i n a
different language so it had t o be dubbed.
I like this movie I give it a 7.
1= Stupid
6=Was interesting
2= Put me to sleep 7 = b n d
3= Too boring
8=Ilearned from it
4= Boring
5= Not very exciting- 1O=Pc-rfectin every way
Conspiracy Alert
q;M ~ ,
being v e r y nauyhr\i.(e;l:i,r
b i'laF~: - r ..:
o< -!tc
genius, shown h e r e ,
t i . ,;:,:
Axel Hackbarth was reported to have been seen with headphones in
school. These "German-issue"headphones are allowed in Axel's school at
home. is this because they're being nice...
or could it be the reasons
that the Germans are so far ahead of us in school, because his school is
pulnping the answers into certain peoples' headphones-- so that all of their
answers are perfect!!! Either way you look at it, Rosen wouldn't like it.
There is an inscription on the back of the tape players. There is a
Nazi symbol. Then, it s w s find this symbol and eliminate anyone with this
syrnbol. The SJ-inbolfollowing was a star of David. I believe this to be the
reason that Stacy Shapiro was being badgered by k e l .
Please stay clear of Axel until a further story is made...
Ir may be nored rhar rhc exrremely screwed up views nf [his wvrirer do nor necessarily rahsolurelg do nor, i n [his
i a s c j reflecr rhe vieuh and beliefs nf rhc ediror or anv orher mernher of rhe % q u a a h s i f f . Please do nor come
ro h e ediror complaining a b u t arricles, nor should vou go srraighr ro him ro form a fan club for [he wvrirers, if
one of [he arridrs should luow you s.
School News
Siamese Triplets Split to Sit at IMC
C;I\kIBRIDGE, F$iI - .The world famous siamese (adjoined as the now
prefer to be called) triplets, Sam, Samuel, a d Siam Hzitcher of
Cambridge found themselves in a predicament. When they walked
into the CHS IMC to find a book: read magazines, and use the
computer (the easiest ways to undermine the Purpose part of the IMC
sign in sheetj, respectively, peopie stared at them- but not in the usual
way. The stares were looks of warning- but to no avail. The three sat
down innocently at a rectagular table, and, in a flash, the librarian
on duty told them, "Two to a tabiei!"
The Hatchers showed her their unique situation; and; without
warning she pulled a letter opener from her pocket and hacked SkGm
from the hip of Samuel. Blood el~erywhere,she yelled at Siam, "'Now
you can sit over there!. And you two had better not say anything to
eachother!" Holding the wound which had bor,ded himself with his
brothers since birth, Siam staggered over to an adjacent table.
This was only the beginning of the trouble, however. Midway
into the period, Sam and Samuel began a conversation about the
goings on in chemistv ciass during the previous hour. Like a buiiet,
the librarian shot over and yelled at them; "Be quiet!!!"
'Qc)conversation is schml relzited," Sanuel told her.
Visibiy unnerved, tne iibrarian told tnem, 'You're disturbing the
other students!"
"But we're the only ones in here!" Sam informed her.
Cleverly, the crafty librarian said, "l%ihichmakes more than
enough room for you two trouble makers to sit at separate tables. Now
go!" Again: they showed that they were joined at the hip, and again,
she separated them with her letter opener. As S m limped :a another
table, she yelled at him, "This is to be a quiet study area!!"
Each of the students died from a loss of blood. In an interview
with the librarian, we asked her why she had cut them apart. She
told us that they had broken the rules. A long search through thc
library for anything resembling a rule turned out negative.
This time around I'm only going t o review one game
t h a t 1 own and play a l o t on my Nintendo 64 ! That
game is
UaRn! This is one awesome video game. This games
graphics are phenomenal, t h e sound is t h e best, and t h e
game play is N i k y ! This is by f a r one o f t h e best video
games I have ever played in my life.
You are Dash Rendar; in a galaxy f a r away:
Your job is t o ~
I r o t e c Luke
Skywalker, and help t h e Rebei
Alliance defeat t h e evil: Dark Prince Xizor, head o f t h e
Black Sun crime syndicate, who is trying t o take D a r t h
Vader's place a t t h e Emperor's side. To do t h a t Prince
Xizor m u s t eliminate Luke Skywalker.
In t h i s game watch o u t for deadly bounty hunters and
mean stormtroopers.
'May the Force be with You!'
1 give t h i s game a 15 o u t of 15 j u s t like Mario!
written by:
Spinach Isn't So
Ev&yonels always
griping about vegetables these days,
which is all right with
me, but put blame
where it is due- not with
spinach. ,qsparagusand
lima beans are much
more apt t o cr~ticism
from persnickety
dren than 'pinach. Kids
are stupid- but they're
not dum b! They know
that spinach eaters will
grow up t o be big
strong sailors like
Popeye. why, then, is
spinach such a vegetable of ridicule? An
answer may lie within
the books of history
when the Pilgrims came
over from Andorra.
They brought with them
their culture- but not
their prize Andorran
spinach. This may have
been the reason why
they died of famine
after that big feast.
Spinach can and will
heal the
day, and you'll wish you
had salad every day.
C . 0 R P m f S C001UNG
cody Corpustle here! Are
you, like many of us, writhing from all those big holiday meals? I created this
near-masterpiece assuming
that the last thing you'd
want to think about is food.
~ t ' snot exactly low in fat,
but your relatives will be
delighted with it none the
less! So if you warit to get
even with yourself for being
such a glutton, try my new
recipe: Suicide SoufflC. I
guarantee you'll never "pig
suicide souffle
use iarge hat11 pan (the
one used for the Christtnas ham should do the
trick). Take out any
be in
the oven.
Mix in pal?:
4 cups distilled ~vater
25 CUI-rot cookies
+I€LPCR f f l J N G
rv SUM-
GOOPM chaauel 3:
MI Minutes ofTVotchin6 That
stop-tih F~ 60 Minutee For
-11 A o ~ FP~,
who never
thought dlat 60 mintrtza showed
and Jter tlre eonnnwcrriale,
CES n, offers a .I,, of the
watch ticling away f;or an entire
(,VU + L ~ it)s 60
~ lainntee..
pM Channel 3: Star Truck:
Kwr;.,$ Pse
to the .+-*,
B ~ c,.,
~ L
,,-,, t~ natio,n,p e t i o ~ .
<dly ,sine his ma;o to tell his
boo, that +;ht,..
ie +ing
az.ording to ec~.all~e.Perhaps
the most s l . s F n s e ~arm.
~ ,+ on
7:ooPM Ch-el
15: I-krd Rock
Cafe on the Sum Tr+ic series
which d o ~ ~the~ Hard
~ t Rock
C&S terribly failed attempt to
open a loeation a,I the s u A m e 04'
the sun. Stars John L i t h w as
alien living on the s u n (und
he is burned to denth).
l a apple slices (for flauor)
place the pan in the oven,
set ouen to clean (so that
you can't get out once
you're inside), put self it?
pan and close oven.
PM channel 2 ~ :~ h Fp P U ~
GO-^^ GUYi ~ : R~&x
'lb-.td6 kkst BlmL with hi*
Frugal G-t
reaorta to cheap
Y;olence +D @invievers, slicing
tomatoes with machetes and
L-yine ~ t a t ~o ~t a~h
You may want to set the
timer so that your family can
Continued Next ISSU*..
take you out when you're
Dogs might pee or poop on them, if you don't w a t e r regul+#
Do not use l a h mower to trim.
As always give your comments and
questions to the editor.
Warlords for the
Atari 2600.
In Warlords you take cover behind
your castle walls,and head offan
onslaught ofenemy fire. At the
same time,try to destroy the other
Warlords,by breaking down their
castle walls, and crowning them
with fireballs.
Julian Lee
Always the extremes with Brad's corner to the
left. Last week, he left me essentially no room,
and now, this week, he leaves a gap the size of
the Grand Canyon. Extremes...
they will be the
downfall of our fine nation, someday. Speaking of
extremes, I just played an extremely awesome game!
I'll bet you could guess what it is...
right- Pong! Simply put, there will never be a
better game than the newest and hottest game on
the market right now, and, by a landslide, that
game is Pong. If you, like many others, had
trouble finding a Pong machine over the holiday
season (your local garbage dump was out of stock),
try the Salvation Army. Until next time, remember
to be all you can be in the Salvation Army.
Donate yourself or a loved one today.
Rating for %:10.5
Flawless in every way
And now a guiding light for the troubled lives of America's youth
Ask Mr. Smily Face : - )
ha&c-O- 4t'F4-
Dear Mr. Smily Face, my boyfriend and I are going through some
hard times. You see, he wants to join the circus and become the
wild man from Borneo. He's actually from Trenton, NJ and is a
shy, lazy grocery store cashier. I fear that him joining the
circus could jeopardize his promising career and, therefore, my
financial stability. He's also quite a carouser, and I'm afraid
he might fall in love with the fat lady. Should I let him go, or
should we go our separate ways?
Sincerely, Uncertain in Uganda
Dear Uncertain, do you have a life? Er urn, I mean, do you have
any activities that you perform throughout the day that sustain
and/or justify your continuation from day to day? It sounds to
me like someone in your relationship is not being very
understanding. We all have a dream. Why, I myself aspire to be
a Turkish newt and chameleon doctor. You are both very special
people with special needs. Talk things over. Glad I could help.
Sincerely, Mr. Smily Face : - )
Mr. Smily Face urges you to remember that we all are special in
our own special ways, and we all are special each and every day.
Send your tales of woe to the editor for anonymous consultation
from Mr. Smily Face. He understands.
Mr. Smily Face is not a licensed psychologist.
Taco Juans~Wovre Revrew
This past weekend I went to the movies and I
seen a couple of pretty new movies. The movie
me review today is "Jinale All The Way
This movie is about a father (Arnold (I can't
spell his last name)) who kind of lies or forgets to
his son. To make up with son Arnold says to him
you ask me for something for Christmas and I get
it So his son asks for a Turbo Man action figure.
Arnold lies to his wife and says he got it which is
not totally true. His wife says "good thing cause
they are probably sold out by now".
Christmas Eve has come:
So Arnold goes finally shopping for it that day.
It's all sold out though. He actually goes to every
toy store in Minneapolis. He will also do anything
to get this doll. Sinbad meets him at the first
store he gets to. They battle through the show
just to get Turbo Man!
I will not say any more cause it would ruin it for
you if you want to know the ending go see it for
yourself !
I give this movie a 8 out of 10 ! thank you for
reading my movie review.
This is actually written by:
Jon Myers
~ V a i I m jn
r ~- Ie
~ y cerf
f ,
t i ~ du s +rologer., peurquf
Nili!itj r e a l i z e s t h e possiLIe r o n s e q i i e n r e s of
st,rl\ as y o ~ r s e l fk e o w ; i ~y~
o r ~ i -f r i i u r e f o r
erltire year,
I\owever, h e does
r ~ o cure
mere m o r t a l
a t at!.
Aries: Your New Year's p a r t y having g o t t e n a bit o u t of
h a n d , you s p e n d t h e r e s t of t h e y e a r s c r a p i n g vomit off
t h e walls.
Taurus: S e a r c h i n g for a new c a r e e r , y o u f i n d t h a t you h a v e
all t h e c r e d e n t i a l s n e c e s s a r y t o be firing s q u a d t a r g e t .
Gemini: You will be mugged by a flying w a l r u s i n m i d - J u l y .
C a r r y a c a n of Walrus-Off s p r a y wherever you go.
Cmcer: A s o o t h s a y e r tells you to beware t h e i d e s of March.
Now. if you could only r e m e m b e r w h a t t h a t m e a n t .
Leo: The Ewolcs d r o p by t o w a t c h t h e S t a r W a r s trilogy.
Tjnfortunately, J a b b a t h e H u t c o m e s along a n d e a t s
y o u before t h e cool light s a b e r s c e n e even begins.
V m : 1997 looks to be a fun-filled year for virgos, fuil of
inhaling a n d exhaiing air. What fun!
Libra: Your resolutioil t o e a t l e s s fails m i s e r a b l y w h e n y o u
e n c o u n t e r a g i a n t t a l k i n g muffin o n t h e s t r e e t w h i c h
s o m e h o w c o n v i n c r s you t o e a t it.
Scorpio: Your life-long dream will come t r u e t h i s y e a r .
L a t e r , y o u will realize t h a t you oniy d r e a m e d t h a t i t did.
is w r i t t e n in t h e s t a r s for y o u .
S d g i t t d r i ~ ~Love
U n f o r t u n a t e l y . you wili fall i n love with t h e giailt muffin
from t h e Libra s e c t i o n .
Aquarius: Your heai-t is brokeil w h e n y o u r idol, t h r gily oil t h e
F r u g a l G o u r m e t , k n o c k s your biock off w h e n y o u s t o r m
o n t o the s t a g e a n d intrrrlipt his s h o w t o .Say, "I love you".
Speciai P4e.w~Featuie
Ultra Zone Restrooms: The Ultimate
Fecal Adventure
IvIADISON, WI - Those, l i k xyself, who have beec :o T,T!tra Zone
know that playing the game is only half the fun. l'he other half
lies within the restrooms, where :he lights turn your lips orange
and make \,ou look like a zombie in the mirror. When I was there
recently, I was ready f ~ the
r !igh:s, but not for the obnoxious
stench inside. Apparently, those sharp shooters who consider
20,000 points a low scoring game couldn't hi: the toilet if their
life depended on it.
Digging through the trash, 1 found :he proof,
ERock the Hut
BRN 81
Yes, i t smelled very badly.
*BROWN Team Won!**
N S I D E : -RNDLE: - ERT: 8
10: 1
fleck out our caiender for upcornirig eveiitsl
You may thin!; that I am writing this just to be gross, but
there are several others who can vouch For the stench of their
bathrooms. I guess that doesn't make it so Lhaw to write about,
Scorecc;r d f I-om Ultra Zone restroom. ,, ,,
it, though. Qh well.
Seventh Annual Candy Madrine Rocking Contest To Be
Held January 10th Mr.Bockhop toGiveOut Certificatesof
Participation (Detentions)
CAMBRIDGE, WI -When winter comes araund, most pmple think that the
only sports to play are hockey, wrestling, and basketball, but students in
Cambridge are treated with a chance t o hone their s k i l s at the prestigious
sport of candyhending machine rocking. Athletes simply purchase a boxof
Runts or another ism-prone selection, and, whm it gets stuck in the spiral
thing, use a mm bination of s t r a t q y and brute drength to knodc it out.
Penalties are served for breaking theglassor unplugging the machine Any
additional candy knodcedout is mnsidered a bonus Professionals can
reportedly knodc out a Starburst without even paying.
Last year's champion was Chris Kruel. After the oompetition, the
master of physics shared his secretsof s u e s -with us in a private interview.
He revealed tu us, "If you ram into it really hard, you can get stuff out for
free."Though his theory has been test& only by himsdf, one darest not
argue with conoepts mntained therein.
Mr. Bockhop will again be awarding the prizes. A detention of
participation will be given to all participants, anyone who i s sucoessful
knocking candy wt will receive an honorable mention cunmlation prheof
an ISS courtesyof Mr. Rosen. Thegrand champion might get apdled.
CHS Teachers Demand Tug-of-war Rematch
CAMBRIDGE, WI After suffering humiliating defeats in eah tw of war
match, and maleteahers not emn participating, the teachers who were in
the tug of war mmpetition have demanded that a rematch be sheduled
immediatdy. In fact, all teachers wcpressed their wishesto participata Mr.
Hill commented, "Bring 'em on! I could takethem all on at onca" Hewas
actually talking a b u t punhing lunch tidcets, but there is always room for
different interpretatbns.
Feopie these days are obsessed witn their cars and sometimes
value themmore than human life and the lives of small: cute, litttle
'I animals like rabbits and squirrels. They are sometimes safe drivfllrnr
ers, but, on many occasions, they turn into some type of ffajj-bound
demon as soon as they get into their automobile, chasing people
,,, ,-nA
, , -In\~nnn
,.;, , ,,,,n t t - w mailboxes far s p r t and recreation.
if you are one of tnese cnased peopie, here is what you can do:
vou could, of course: take down the license plate number and report i t
t o the cops-- but that's no 5 s . Keying and tire slashings are good-but not always the best deterrent. Try putting their car up on concrete blocks, take the tires off, slash them at the top on the inside,
and then fill them $dl! of quick-drying cement. Once finished, p ~them
back on the vehicie. You wiii soon learn that this has greatiy aecreased their 0-to-60 rate t o about two minutes. Also, filling cars full
of sand, dirt, snow, and packing peanuts (whatever is available in bulk)
is a good idea.
Making copies of their keys and "borrowing" the car for the
is especia!!y funny vthec they find it in their drivetvay on Monday morning (with about 2,000 more miies on itj. just remember:
Fish knives do wonders on seats, and you might want their stereo t o
add t o ysur collection.
On, and you miqht not want t o do this if the owner of the car is
named Bubba and is an ex-convict who just opened up his own tattoo
and piercing gallery. Be warned, YOG bwUldend up with some Rev; "facial features".
or Sale
world R ~ W -"..g
.-""-""I *G,:,zs
c-6~ s
-:--- l i icrvrrJlr -"-IOPOO~---
Tattered rags,
varied..tatte!eo'nessLcolo~,[email protected]~-~tzttere_d~~.~~5Oo~_eeedLo_~
!pocket iint, fresh
H e .l Wantedi
-\ I
~ ~ get
~ iiip.a Heip.
i i ,
......steal waiieis, er urn, eiitei-t~%~pjI&c see street ~ ~ ~ ~ , can'>
I . ~
man t o yell, crab, and speak fondly of good old days, dentures provided
IEarwig.. Ranch, $7/acre see
Uncle Jim Bob
*SNESg a m e Gradius
......................... U Z $10.00 see
... editor
Do ou.....want t o have some
ad or "
m e s c.
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i! L
here ".
h t K.
oi s s ~ ~ = ~ , , ~ ~ ~ & ~ . t _..............~.........~... ~ .a s~, ~ .~X ~ee z.F X~" c_B Be~ r~2 ~ ~
iiiii?i i so,
come work at oiii iextiie iiijii.
Ez Found
i ~ o i i my
: jn- ofmnnzy c o n t a i n i n g s r r ~ i . r i l m i l l i o n d o ! i a r 5 ! f f n ~ ~ ~ , p l ~ a ~tnstreeathurn
last m a c k
set imy
Washington Monument. Blast.....that Carmen Sandiego!!!
/ I can't find my-****in'
ke sl
Pin m stet- iousiy rriissing.O"i?.-,
Oh dear.
1 1 ,,nu myiar lost amongst tom1 strangers wneneverl leme ine loom
C o u ~ ~ ~ h g f i ~ ~ e f ~ j (before
~ a ~tthat
, ~dai~l~i[~pfiie
$ ~ c & got out
pA$ng $100. Just thou
t I'd ask.
!For Rent: One s p.-----r--.--.-.-..--..---.--a r e sidewalk, cracked, heavily tread, no ant holes
by flames. H j j Youl-e
'I like e-uit.
There once w a s a w o r m who l i u e d in a t r e e
He s a t in his chair, j u s t w a t c h i n g TU
He w e n t outside
T h r e w u p a n d died
He w a s e a t e n b y a b i r d
And came o u t as a t u r d
The bird- it died
And then, i t w a s f r i e d
The people w h o a t e it
A l l yelled, "I h a t e it!"
And then, t h e dead bird, it c r i e d
"Green Bay may have a n o t h e r a d v a n t a g e i n t h a t t h e
t e m p e r a t u r e i s d r o p p i n g ... and i t ' s g e t t i n g c o l d e r . "
-announcer f o r t h e Green Bay
San F r a n c i s c o game who
later said:
" T h a t ' s u s u a l l y what happens when t h e t e m p e r a t u r e d r o p s . "
Totally Useless Factt o IlIaheVouSeemSmarter'ThanVouReally ire, marc0 Polo
returnedto Uenlce frornis~aluear~ng
a Tartar costume. He traueled for about 2Syears
Lunch-Time Fun-Fact=
next time
y o u s h a r e a soda, r e m e m b e r t h a t
w h e n t h e r e i s a b o u t a n i n c h n f it
l e f t i n t h e b o t t o m o f t h e c a n , it i s
actually over
1 0 %b a c k m a s h e d