How to Tie a Tie: Bowties, but Didn’t Think to Ask

How to Tie a Tie:
Everything You Wanted to Know About Neckties and
Bowties, but Didn’t Think to Ask
Jerry Carmack
How to Tie a Tie:
Everything You Wanted to Know About Neckties and Bowties,
but Didn’t Think To Ask
Jerry Carmack
Copyright 2004 by Jerry Carmack
Carmack Publishing
Hot Springs, AR
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Jerry Carmack
[email protected]
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Printed in the U.S.A.
Chapter 6 = Your Tie - Buying, Caring
for, etc
Tie It Up: 8 Great Ties by Chris
Buying a Tie
Wearing a Tie
Caring for Your Tie
How to Clean a Silk Tie
Chapter 1 = Neckties
Chapter 2 = Bowties
Bowtie Knot
Black Tie-Men
Chapter 7 = Custom Neckties, Bowties,
Custom Ties from Neckties
Make Your Own Tie Patterns
Custom Shirts
Chapter 3 = Pocket Square
Chapter 8 = Shopping
List of affiliate partners
Chapter 4 = History
Necktie History
Bowtie History
History of Neckwear
History of Silk
Chapter 9 = Just for Fun
Three Laws of Fashion
(want to be non-conforming and
respectful at the same time? This is the
info for you!)]
Reproductive Behavior of the Ordinary
Clark Kent’s Ties
World’s Most Hideous Neckties
Chapter 5 = Dressing for a Job Interview
Clothing, the Job Interview and You:
How to Make a Good First Impression
Chapter 10 = Bye!
How to Tie a Tie will show you how to tie neckties and bowties.
There are so many men who are given many a necktie and don’t wear them out of
frustration in not knowing how to tie more than one knot.
There are many a woman behind all these men who are as nearly frustrated as their
men are. It’s really nerve-wracking to go to a formal party/occasion and not know how
to look their best.
After reading this ebook and following the instructions in it, there will be a great
deduction in the frustration level on tie-tying knowledge.
Happy tying your ties!
Chapter 1 = Neckties
The Knots:
The Four-in-Hand Knot is the most popular type and is the easiest to learn. Most likely
80% of necktie people use this knot with their ties. This knot is long and straight, but
slightly crooked.
The Four-in-Hand is best with standard button dress shirt and matches with ties of
heavier material that are wide in width.
Not everyone can use this kind of knot. It is best on men with shorter necks because
the knot’s narrow and long style makes the neck longer than it really is.
Four-in-Hand Knot
1. Begin with the wide end on your right with the narrow end higher than the wide end.
(Pictures are mirror images, in other words images are what you would see if you were
looking in a mirror.)
2. Bring the wide end of the tie over the narrow (right side to left side).
3. Bring the wide end underneath the narrow end (left side to right side).
4. Bring the wide end of the tie over the narrow again (right side to left side)
5. Bring the wide end of the tie through the back of the loop (left side to center). Hold
the front of the knot loose with your index finger and thumb.
6. Pass the wide end down through the loop (created in steps 4 & 5) in front.
7. Remove your hand and tighten the knot. Hold the narrow end of the tie and slide the
knot up to the collar.
Confused about how to tie this necktie? Then get the Tie Video!
The Knots:
The Half-Windsor knot is a medium triangle-shaped knot that is thought formal than the
four-in-hand. It is also a scaled down version of the Windsor knot and is a balanced
knot can be best used with medium to regular dress shirt collars. It fits best with wider
ties made out of light to in-between clothing materials. There’s more of the tying than
the four-in-hand, but less than the Windsor.
1. Begin with the wide end on your right with the narrow end higher than the wide end.
(Pictures are mirror images, in other words images are what you would see if you were
looking in a mirror.)
Half-Windsor Knot
2. Bring the wide end of the tie over the narrow (right side to left side).
3. Bring the wide end back underneath (left side to right side)
4. Bring the wide end of the tie through the middle of the loop (right side to left side).
5. Bring the wide end around the front (left side to right side)
6. Bring the wide end of the tie through the back of the loop (right side to center).
7. Hold the front of the knot loose with your fingers; pass the wide end down through
loop (created in steps 5 & 6) in the front.
8. Tighten the knot. Hold the narrow end of the tie and slide the knot up to the collar.
Confused about how to tie this necktie? Then get the Tie Video!
The Knots:
The largest knot, square-shaped, works best with narrower ties of lighter fabrics and
full, wide spread collars. This knot will eliminate space between the collar and the tie,
which is a common problem regarding spread collars.
The Windsor is a thick and wide knot that tells the world of one’s confidence. It is best
for very formal occasions such as presentations, job interviews, courtroom
appearances, etc. It is best for wide collar shirts and is easy to do.
The Windsor is best for men with longer necks as it makes it’s width shortens what
many see as a long neck.
Windsor Knot necktie
1. Begin with the wide end on your right with the narrow end higher than the wide end.
(Pictures are mirror images, in other words images are what you would see if you were
looking in a mirror.)
2. Bring the wide end of the tie over the narrow (right side to left side).
2. Bring the wide end up through the middle of the loop and to the left (right side to left
4. Bring the wide end behind the knot and narrow end (left side to right side).
5. Bring the wide end around the front (left side to right side) and bring wide end under
left side.
6. Bring the wide end of the tie through the middle of the loop (right side to left side).
7. Bring the wide end of the tie through the back of the loop (right side to center).
8. Hold the front of the knot loose with your index finger; pass the wide end down
through the loop (created in steps 5 & 6) in front.
9. Remove your fingers and tighten the knot. Hold the narrow end and slide the knot
up to the collar
Confused about how to tie this necktie? Then get the Tie Video!
The Knots:
The Pratt Knot, which is also called the Shelby (hence what I call the Pratt-Shelby). It
is a little wide, but not as wide as the Windsor tie. This kind of knot is good for any
kind of dress shirt and ties that are wider. This knot is for ties that are made from light
to medium patterns.
1. Putting the tie on so that the backside is facing out. Begin with the wide end on your
right with the narrow end higher than the wide end. (Pictures are mirror images, in
other words images are what you would see if you were looking in a mirror.)
Pratt Knot-Shelby Knot
2. Bring the narrow end of the tie over the wide (right side to left side).
3. Bring the wide end of the tie over the narrow end and through the loop (left side to
left side).
4. Bring the wide end of the tie through the back of the loop (left side to center).
5. Take the wide end and loop it over the tie (left to right).
6. Hold the front of the knot loose with your index finger; pass the wide end down
through the loop (created in step 3) in front.
7. Hold on to the narrow end and tighten the knot.
8. Hold the narrow end and slide the knot up to the collar.
Confused about how to tie this necktie? Then get the Tie Video!
The Knot:
How to Tie an Ascot
Diagrams that show how to tie an ascot.
This is an excellent article on the lost art of tying an ascot. You can check it out by
clicking on link above.
How to Make a Dimple
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The Dimple
1. After you've tied your knot but before you tighten it up to your throat, neatly pinch the
fabric directly underneath the knot.
2. Keep pinching as you tighten the knot; make sure the dimple's locked in.
Chapter 2 = Bowties
The Knots:
The Bowtie for both casual and formal occasions are available in
many shapes and sizes from clip-on, to self-tied, to do-it-yourself.
The wide butterfly type is best with wide collars and smaller
bowties go best with button down and smaller collars. Many
people find the bowtie the most challenging to do, but with
practice, it’ll be like tying your shoes.
Suggestions on tying
The bow tie might label you as an eccentric, so here are some
precautions to observe.
Too small a bow tie looks childish. On the other hand an
oversized one makes you look like a clown or like you giftwrapped your head! The ideal size corresponds with the distance
between your collar ends. In no way should the width of the bow
tie exceed that of your neck.
Here some useful tips when tying:
1-2. Make the front end slightly longer.
3. Grip the "wannabe" knot with index finger and thumb of your left hand.
4. Fold the front end with your right hand as shown and then guide it behind the
wannabe, still holding that one with your left hand. Slide the folded part through the
back of the knot-to-be, and - voila! - you just succeeded in tying a bow tie!
5-6. Pull gently at the loops on each side of the knot. To tighten the knot, stick a finger
in one loop at a time and pull, while firmly holding the opposite end.
When untying the bow tie, at first pull gently at the free end at the rear...
It is wise to keep a number of bow ties in circulation, so they can relax and reshape.
(Particularly important to silk fabric).
Thanks to Petrel Bowties for allowing us to use your content!
(Tell them I sent you!)
-----------------------------------------------------------------Learn how to tie your own bowtie!
--------------------------------------------------------------------Or maybe you need help in knowing how to tie a bowtie? Then get the Tie Video!
Black-Tie – Men
This is an excellent article on how to prepare for a black-tie affair.
Click the link below to go to the article.
How to Dress for a Black-Tie Affair– Men
This is another excellent three-part article on how to get ready for a black-tie
Your Black-Tie Affair Guide
Confused about how to tie a bowtie? Then get the Tie Video!
Chapter 3 = Pocket Squares
How to Fold a Pocket Square
(TopPS will take you back here. “Top” takes you to Table of Contents)
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Here a few of the many ways you can fold a pocket square.
Astaire Fold
Cooper Fold
Cagney Fold
Presidential Fold
TV Fold
One-Point Fold
Two-Point Fold
Three-Point OR Four-Point Fold
Puff Fold
Reverse Puff Fold
Winged Puff Fold
Straight Shell Fold
Diagonal Shell Fold
How to Fold a Pocket Square
Astaire Fold
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1. Grasp handkerchief from
the center, creating a puff
with points facing down.
2. Pull up any 2 of the
4 points to be level
with the puff.
3. Gather the bottom
remainder and fold under.
4. Tuck into breast
pocket and arrange
puff and points as
Copper Fold
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1. Cup hand and
spread the pocket
square centered over
the hand. Push down
into center of puff as a
magician would press a
coin into it.
3. Tuck into breast
pocket and puff and
fluff as desired.
2. Gather and
grasp top third
and smooth
down the bottom
with hand. Fold
up the lower
Cagney Fold
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1. Lay pocket square
flat on a 45 angle so
that it looks like a
2. Fold in half by lifting
bottom to create 2
points slightly off
5. Fold right outer third toward
middle and fold left outer third
toward middle. (Dotted lines
indicate approximate fold
3.Lift lower left
corner and fold
across other points
to form third point.
4. Lift lower
right corner and
fold across
other points to
form fourth
6. Fold bottom point
7. Place in pocket so that
upward according to depth upward fold does not
of pocket.
show. Adjust the points
as desired.
Presidential Fold
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1. Fold square into quarters,
keeping hand finished edges
to the top and right.
2. From the left, fold under
one third to one half until
slightly smaller than width of
3. Fold up from bottom to
accommodate the depth of
the pocket.
4. Place in pocket and
TV Fold
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Start off with the square folded in half, then folded in half again the other way, so it's
about a nine-inch square.
1. Turn the square diagonally, then fold bottom corner up to the top
2. Fold the left corner over.
3. Fold the right corner over.
4. Tuck the square, point down, into the breast pocket so that the
straight edge protrudes as much as desired.
One-Point Fold
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The one-point fold is somewhat like an upside down TV fold, except that you start with
the square folded smaller.
1. Fold the square down to a roughly four and one-half inch square,
and rotate it so the folded corner is pointing up.
2. Fold the bottom half over the top half, so it looks like a triangle.
3. Fold over the right and left sides of the triangle, so the two side
points are now pointing in ward.
4. Tuck into the breast pocket with the point up and adjust.
Two-Point Fold
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As everything is off-center, the two-point has a strange way of being folded.
1. Fold the square down to a four and one-half inch square. Rotate
the square so a point is up. Do not, however, overlap the point you
are folding onto the top point. Instead, fold the bottom right point up
to the left of the top point (they should look like two mountain
2. Fold the sides and bottom points inward.
3. Tuck into the breast pocket with the pocket square points up and
Three-Point or Four-Point Fold
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Start with the pocket square completely unfolded and turned diagonally (point up).
1. Fold the bottom half up over the top half. If three points are
desired, overlap the top and bottom points. If four points are desired,
offset the points as shown.
2. Fold the left corner up and over to the right of the first two points.
3. Fold the right corner up and over to the left of the first two points.
4. Fold the bottom half up and behind.
5. Tuck into the breast pocket and adjust.
Puff Fold
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Begin by completely unfolding the pocket square.
1. Grasp the square in the center and let the points hang down.
2. With your other hand, pinch off the square at its midpoint.
3.Fold the hanging points up and begin.
4. Tuck into the breast pocket and adjust.
Reverse Puff Fold
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This fold is the same as the puff, but the points are up which gives it a casual, flowery
1. With the points up, grasp the square in the center.
2. With the other hand, pinch the square in half.
3. Fold the bottom half up and behind
4. Tuck into the breast pocket and adjust.
Puff And Point
This fold is the same as a puff, but one of the points is drawn out of the
Winged Puff Fold
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Unfold the square and turn it diagonally (point up).
1. Fold the top point down over the bottom point.
2. Grasp both sides of the top edge.
3. Bring the top edge down from each end and push them together,
forming a large pleat in the middle.
4. Fold the bottom half up and behind.
5. Tuck into the breast pocket and adjust.
Straight Shell Fold
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Start off with the pocket square folded in half, then folded in half again the other way,
so it forms about a nine-inch square.
1. Make a pleat in the square by pushing the bottom edge up slightly
over the rest of the square.
2. Repeat the process to create a second, third, and even a fourth
pleat, as desired.
3. Fold the right half behind the left half.
4. Tuck into the breast pocket with the folded edge up and adjust.
Diagonal Shell Fold
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Start off with the pocket square folded in half, then folded in half again the other way,
so it forms about a nine-inch square.
1. Turn the square diagonally (point up). Make a pleat in the square
by pushing the bottom up slightly over the rest of the square.
2. Repeat the process to make a second, third, even a fourth pleat, as
desired. Fold the top point under (this step is not shown).
3. Fold the right half under the left.
4. Tuck into the breast pocket, folded edge up, and adjust.
Chapter 4 = History
Necktie History
Copyright (c) 2004 by Jerry Carmack.
Permission is granted to copy, distribute and/or modify only this document, “Necktie History” under the terms of the GNU Free Documentation License, Version 1.2 or any
later version published by the Free Software Foundation; with no Invariant Sections, no Front-Cover Texts, and no Back-Cover Texts. A copy of the license is included in the
section entitled "GNU Free Documentation License".
Modern neckties, shown here tied as if they were on a person, may be found in a
plethora of colors and designs.
A necktie (usually just called a tie) is a piece of material worn around the neck. The
modern necktie's original name was the four-in-hand tie. It is usually a dress
requirement for businessmen and probably the most common father's gift in the world.
The modern necktie along with the Ascot and the bowtie are all descended from the
1 Cravat
2 Ascot
3 Four-in-Hand
A cravat is the neckband that was the forerunner of the modern tailored necktie. From
the end of the 16th century the term "band" applied to any long strip of cloth worn
round the neck that was not a "ruff." The ruff itself had started its career in the earlier
16th century as a starched and pleated strip of white linen that could be freshly
changed to keep the neck of a doublet from getting increasingly grimy. A "band" could
indicate a plain attached shirt collar or a detached "falling band" that draped over the
doublet collar.
Necktie fashions have changed over time.
This 1818 pamphlet depicts various styles
of tying a cravat.
The modern form of the "cravat" originated in the 1630s. Like most male fashions
between the 17th century and World War I, it had a military origin. During the reign of
Louis XIII of France, Croatian mercenaries enlisted in a regiment that supported the
King and Richelieu against the Duc de Guise and the Queen Mother, Marie de Medici.
The traditional outfit of these Croats aroused curiosity in Paris on account of the
unusual and picturesque scarves distinctively tied about their necks. The scarves were
made of various cloths, ranging from coarse material for common soldiers, to fine linen
and silk for officers. The word 'cravat' comes from the French cravate, and many
sources state that this is a corruption of "Croat". However there is evidence that the
word was in use in France in the 14th century and in Italy in 16th century. In one of his
ballads, the French writer Eustache Deschamps (c. 1340-1407), used the phrase
'faites restraindre sa cravate' (pull his cravat tighter). Whatever the origin of the word
the new form of dress became known as a cravate and the French were quite ready to
give up the starched linen ruffs, that they had been wearing and adopt the new fashion
of loose cravates made of linen or muslin with broad edges of lace.
On his return to England from exile in 1660, Charles II brought with him this new word
in fashion:
“A cravatte is another kind of adornment for the neck being nothing else but a
long towel put about the Collar, and so tyed before with a Bow Knott; this is the
original of all such Wearings; but now by the Art and Inventions of the seamsters,
there is so many new ways of making them, that it would be a task to name,
much more to describe them.” —Randle Holme, Academy of Armory and Blazon,
A gentleman's cravat would be made of fine lace. Grinling Gibbons the famous carver
and sculptor, made a highly realistic one, carved out of a piece of white limewood.
During the wars of Louis XIV of 1689 - 1697, the flowing cravat was replaced, except
for court occasions, by the more current and equally military Steinkirk, named for the
battle in Flanders of 1692. The Steinkirk was a long narrow, plain or lightly trimmed
neckcloth worn with military dress, wrapped just once about the neck in a loose knot,
with a lace of fringed ends that were twisted together and tucked out of the way into
the button-hole (of either a coat or a waistcoat) The steinkirk proved to be popular with
both men and women until the 1720s.
The Macaronis reintroduced the flowing cravat in the 1770s and the manner of tying
one became a matter of personal taste and style, to the extent that after Waterloo, the
neckwear itself was increasingly referred to as a "tie".
In the United States an ascot is another name for a cravat but in Britain it refers to
different sort of a formal neckwear. The Ascot has a narrow neckband and wide wings
that are folded over and held firm with a pin. The Ascot became popular in the 1880s,
when it began to be worn by the upper-middle classes on formal occasions, notably the
Royal Ascot race meeting from which it takes its name.
The four-in-hand tie became fashionable in Britain in the 1850s. Early ties were simple
rectangular strips of cloth cut on the square with square ends. The name four-in-hand
originally described a carriage with four horses and one driver. Later it became the
name of a Gentlemen's club in London. Some reports state that the carriage drivers
tied their reins with a four-in-hand knot (see below) whilst others claim that the carriage
drivers wore their scarves in the manner of a four-in-hand, but the most likely
explanation is that members of the club began to wear the new style of neckwear
making it fashionable. In the later half of the 19th century the four-in-hand knot and the
four-in-hand tie were synonymous. As stiff collars gave way to soft turned down collars
the four-in-hand gained popularity. With its increasing dominance, the term four-inhand fell out of usage and it was simply called a 'long tie' or a 'tie'.
In 1926 Jesse Langsdorf from New York introduced ties cut on the diagonal which
meant that the tie fell evenly from the knot without twisting.
There are four main knots used. The simplest, the four-in-hand knot, is probably used
by the vast majority of tie wearers. The other three (in order of difficulty) are the Pratt
knot (also known as the Shelby knot), the Half-Windsor knot and the Windsor knot. The
Windsor knot is named after the Duke of Windsor, although he himself did not use it.
The Duke favoured a thick knot and achieved this result by having ties specially made
of thicker material. In the late 1990s two researchers (Thomas Fink and Yong Mao) of
Cambridge University's Cavendish Laboratory used mathematical modelling to
discover that it is possible to tie 85 different knots with a conventional tie. They found
that in addition to the four well-known knots, 6 other knots produced aesthetically
pleasing results.
Today, ties are part of the formal clothing of males in both Western and non-Western
societies, particularly in business. They have also found their way into the outfits of
fashionably trail blazing females. Generally it is a thick swath made from silk or cotton,
and is tied around the collar.
Bowtie History
Copyright (c) 2004 by Jerry Carmack.
Permission is granted to copy, distribute and/or modify only this document, “Bowtie History” under the terms of the GNU Free Documentation License, Version 1.2 or any later
version published by the Free Software Foundation; with no Invariant Sections, no Front-Cover Texts, and no Back-Cover Texts. A copy of the license is included in the
section entitled "GNU Free Documentation License".
The bowtie is a men's fashion accessory, popularly worn with other formal attire, such
as suits. It consists of a ribbon of fabric tied around the collar in a symmetrical manner
such that the two opposite ends form loops.
It originated among Croatian mercenaries during the European wars of the 17th
century: the Croats used a scarf around the neck to hold together the opening of their
shirts. This method was soon adopted by the upper classes in France (then a leading
country in the field of fashion) and flourished in the 18th and 19th centuries. The
famous French writer Honoré de Balzac even wrote a book on the subject.
Towards the end of the 19th century the free ends of the bowtie grew longer, and the
necktie was born, and the bowtie slowly went out of fashion in all but the architecture
classes where it has remained a defining item of the architect’s uniform.
Although the necktie proves most prominent in today's society, being seen at business
meetings, formal functions and sometimes even at home, the bowtie is making a
comeback with fun-formal events such as dinner and cocktail parties, and nights out on
the town.
Men Known for their Bowties
Tucker Carlson
Winston Churchill
Groucho Marx
Stan Laurel
Fred Allen
-----------------------------------------------------------------Learn how to tie your own bowtie!
Or maybe you need help in knowing how to tie a bowtie? Then get the Tie Video!
History of Neckwear 6
by Alan Flusser
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The history of neckties dates back a mere hundred years or so, for they came into
existence as the direct result of a war. In 1660, in celebration of its hard-fought victory
over the Ottoman Empire , a crack regiment from Croatia (then part of the AustroHungarian Empire), visited Paris. There, the soldiers were presented as glorious
heroes to Louis XIV, a monarch well known for his eye toward personal adornment. It
so happened that the officers of this regiment were wearing brightly colored
handkerchiefs fashioned of silk around their necks. These neck cloths, which probably
descended from the Roman fascalia worn by orators to warm the vocal chords, struck
the fancy of the king, and he soon made them an insignia of royalty as he created a
regiment of Royal Cravattes. The word "cravat," incidentally, is derived from the word
It wasn't long before this new style crossed the channel to England. Soon no
gentleman would have considered himself well-dressed without sporting some sort of
cloth around his neck--the more decorative, the better. At times, cravats were worn so
high that a man could not move his head without turning his whole body. There were
even reports of cravats worn so thick that they stopped sword thrusts. The various
styles knew no bounds, as cravats of tasseled strings, plaid scarves, tufts and bows of
ribbon, lace, and embroidered linen all had their staunch adherents. Nearly one
hundred different knots were recognized, and as a certain M. Le Blanc, who instructed
men in the fine and sometimes complex art of tying a tie, noted, "The grossest insult
History of Neckwear by Alan Flusser
that can be offered to a man comme il faut is to seize him by the cravat; in this place
blood only can wash out the stain upon the honor of either party."
In this country, ties were also an integral part of a man's wardrobe. However, until the
time of the Civil War, most ties were imported from the Continent. Gradually, though,
the industry gained ground, to the point that at the beginning of the twentieth century,
American neckwear finally began to rival that of Europe, despite the fact that European
fabrics were still being heavily imported.
In the 1960s, in the midst of the Peacock Revolution, there was a definite lapse in the
inclination of men to wear ties, as a result of the rebellion against both tradition and the
formality of dress. But by the mid-1970s, this trend had reversed itself to the point
where now, in the 1990s, the sale of neckwear is probably as strong if not stronger
than it has ever been.
How to account for the continued popularity of neckties? For years, fashion historians
and sociologists predicted their demise--the one element of a man's attire with no
obvious function. Perhaps they are merely part of an inherited tradition. As long as
world and business leaders continue to wear ties, the young executives will follow suit
and ties will remain a key to the boardroom. On the other hand, there does seem to be
some aesthetic value in wearing a tie. In addition to covering the buttons of the shirt
and giving emphasis to the verticality of a man's body (in much the same way that the
buttons on a military uniform do), it adds a sense of luxury and richness, color and
texture, to the austerity of the dress shirt and business suit.
Perhaps no other item of a man's wardrobe has altered its shape so often as the tie. It
seems that the first question fashion writers always ask is, "Will men's ties be wider or
narrower this year?"
In the late 1960s and early 70s, ties grew to five inches in width. At the time, the
rationale was that these wide ties were in proportion to the wider jacket lapels and
longer shirt collars. This was the correct approach, since these elements should
always be in balance. But once these exaggerated proportions were discarded, fat ties
became another victim of fashion.
The proper width of a tie, and one that will never be out of style, is 3 1/4 inches (2 3/4
to 3 1/2 inches are also acceptable). As long as the proportions of men's clothing
remain true to a man's body shape, this width will set the proper balance. Though
many of the neckties sold today are cut in these widths, the section of the tie where the
knot is made has remained thick--a holdover from the fat, napkinlike ties of the 1960s.
This makes tying a small, elegant knot more difficult. Yet the relationship of a tie's knot
to the shirt collar is an important consideration. If the relationship is proper, the knot will
never be so large that it spreads the collar or forces it open, nor will it be so small that
it will become lost in the collar.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Confused about how to tie neckties? Then get the Tie Video!
History of Silk
Copyright (c) 2004 by Jerry Carmack.
Permission is granted to copy, distribute and/or modify only this document, “History of Silk” under the terms of the GNU Free Documentation License, Version 1.2 or any later
version published by the Free Software Foundation; with no Invariant Sections, no Front-Cover Texts, and no Back-Cover Texts. A copy of the license is included in the
section entitled "GNU Free Documentation License".
Silk (< OE sioloc probably < L. SERICVS / Gr.
("Chinese") or alternatively < Ch.
ó ("silken") < L. SERES / Gr.
, pronounced "sì") meaning "silk", the
pictogram representing two strands of silk.) is a natural fiber that can be woven into
textiles. It is obtained from the cocoon of the silkworm larva, in the process known as
sericulture, which kills the larvae.
Silk was first developed in early China, possibly as early as 6000 BC and definitely by
3000 BC. Legend gives credit to a Chinese Empress Xi Ling Shi. Though first reserved
for the Emperors of China, its use spread gradually through Chinese culture both
geographically and socially. From there, silken garments began to reach regions
throughout Asia. Silk rapidly became a popular luxury fabric in the many areas
accessible to Chinese merchants, because of its texture and lustre. Because of the
high demand for the fabric, silk was one of the staples of international trade prior to
Perhaps the first evidence of the silk trade is that of an Egyptian mummy of 1070 BC.
In subsequent centuries, the silk trade reached as far as the Indian subcontinent, the
Middle East, Europe, and North Africa. This trade was so extensive that the major set
of trade routes between Europe and Asia has become known as the Silk Road.
The Emperors of China strove to keep the knowledge of sericulture secret from other
nations, in order to maintain the Chinese monopoly on its production. This effort at
secrecy had mixed success. Sericulture reached Korea around 200 BC with Chinese
settlers, and by 300 AD the practice had been established in India. Although the
Roman Empire knew of and traded in silk, the secret was only to reach Europe around
AD 550, via the Empire of Byzantium. Legend has it that the monks working for the
emperor Justinian were the first to bring silkworm eggs to Constantinople in hollow
Venetian merchants traded extensively in silk and encouraged silk growers to settle in
Italy. By the 13th century Italian silk was a significant source of trade. Italian silk was
so popular in Europe that Francis I of France invited Italian silkmakers to France to
create a French silk industry, especially in Lyon. The French Revolution interrupted
production before Napoleon took power.
James I of England introduced silk growing to the American colonies around 1619,
ostensibly to discourage tobacco planting. Only the Shakers in Kentucky adopted the
practice. In the 1800s a new attempt at a silk industry began with European-born
workers in Paterson, New Jersey, and the city became a US silk centre, although
Japanese imports were still more important.
World War II interrupted the silk trade from Japan. Silk prices increased dramatically
and US industry begun to look for substitutes, which led to the use of synthetics like
nylon. Synthetic silks have also been made from lyocell, a type of cellulose fibre, and
are often difficult to distinguish from real silk.
Silk has recently come under fire from animal rights activists who maintain that the
common practice of boiling silkworms alive in their cocoons is cruel.
In addition to clothing manufacture and other handicrafts, silk is also used for items like
parachutes, bicycle tires, comforter filling and artillery gunpowder bags. Silk undergoes
a special manufacturing process to make it adequate for its use in surgery as nonabsorbable sutures. Chinese doctors have also used it to make prosthetic arteries.
Chapter 5 = Dressing for a Job Interview
Clothing, the Job Interview and You:
How to Create a Good First Impression
By Jerry Carmack
Determining How Much to Spend on a Necktie
The rule of thumb is to take your age and add the number of years experience in the
position you’re applying for and multiply by 2. That should give you a rough estimate
of the retail price of a tie.
One example: You’re 25 with 5 years experience, you shouldn’t spend more than $60.
If you’re 40 and have 15 years experience, don’t spend more than $110.
What is the most important part of the conservative outfit for men? Think of the suit as
the frame, the white shirt as the canvas, and the tie is the picture. Change the first two
and no one may notice. If you change the “picture” (tie) and everyone notices. So
make sure your “picture” is such that it accents the frame and canvas, and not be the
center of attention. What I’m saying literally is don’t wear a tie that’s so gaudy, flashy,
or whatever that everyone is paying attention to your clothes (tie or other) and not to
The important thing when selecting a tie is coordinating it with the suit overall, not
matching it. Don’t wear anything flashy or fancy here. Absolutely no cartoon or
symbol ties. Cartoon ties have the Simpson’s, Mickey Mouse, etc. Symbol ties have
golf clubs, money signs, Christian crosses, etc. The ties should have solid colors and
if they do have patterns, they should be small. You need to balance representing the
corporate culture and your personality.
Four-In-Hand Knot
The best tie for most interviews is the four-in-hand knot. This tie is best for men with
thick necks because it makes your neck look longer than it really is. It is best worn with
wide-spread collar shirts. Why? It is a little cock-eyed and the wide-spread collar
makes the four-in-hand look the best. This means you will look your best.
Windsor Knot
This is the best tie for interviews for men with thin necks. It makes your neck look
wider than it is (I’m sure you’ve figured that out that the Windsor is the logical opposite
of the four-in-hand). This knot is also best with wide-spread collars (absolutely *no*
button down collar shirt).
Buying a Tie
Be sure to buy a 100% silk tie. They are the best and look the best. You don’t buy at
the most expensive store in town to get the best tie. You can go to any men’s store or
shop around for sales, etc.
Tie Accessories
One of the most neglected part of the outfit is the tie accessory. I’m talking about tie
clips, chains, tags, and bars. I recommend the tie clips, as this is classy look. This is
very important in completing your outfit. When you wear neckties, they often get in the
way. For example, during the interview, you don’t have to mess with your tie when you
sit down to start the interview. You also don’t have to keep adjusting your tie as the
interview progresses-this is a gesture of nervousness.
Dress Conservatively
What to wear to an interview? If in doubt, dress conservatively. Why? Studies show
that the clothes you wear are the most important factor in creating an impression-good
or bad. First impressions are created via clothing selected, etc first and then on
general communication and interview skills. Most people judge and decide for or
against another in the first two minutes of a job interview. So make your impression a
good one!
Even if you’re wildly creative in your clothing chooses, tune all that way down! When
the interview is over and the interviewer hires you (hip, hip, hooray!), you can go back
to same-ole-same-ole creative thing on the job.
I say this because if you dress too casual (or sometimes too bizzed up), the interviewer
will look you over and will decide in the first 5 seconds to hire you or not. The rest of
the interview is checking out if their initial impression is correct or not.
It is possible to over dress. It is better to overdo than under due. In other words, if you
arrive at the interview and you see everyone is casual and you’re in a suit jacket and
tie, you can always take off your jacket and tie and vo-la! You’re ready to go.
However, if you under dress, then you’re stuck.
As strongly suggested, dress conservatively; but dress in clothes that are comfortable
for *you.* Wear clothes that show off your personality, but never wear anything flashy.
Knowing What To Wear to Each Interview
Call, email, or fax the company where going to have the interview and ask what their
dress standards are. Most employers would be impressed that you showed enough to
care. Simple. If that’s too brazen for you, then you could drive to the business in
question and find out what the other workers are wearing. Then dress one step above
that (remember?).
Choose your clothes the night before. This way you’ll notice that loose or missing
button, ripped tie, frayed cuffs, stains, and grubby-looking shoes, etc. As a matter of
fact, some interviewers look at your shoes as the final criteria for accepting or rejecting
you. It’s weird, but true. So get these and whatever else you find corrected *then* and
you’ll look great! Otherwise, if you dress the day of the interview and you discover
these things, you’re in trouble!
For females, note: some interviews notice if you dress overtly feminine or masculine.
They may or may not like the extreme. So if you’re the “tomboy” type, then get girly,
girl!-at least for the interview!
White Shirts
To do the conservative thing, think of a white shirt as your friend. Buy at least three of
them, but be sure they’re the right size. You notice that shirts say 15-32/34? The first
is the neck at the Adam’s apple and the second is from middle of your neck (where
your neck meets your upper back) going down the shoulder to your wrist.
Spread collars are best. Avoid tabbed, pointed, or over-sized collars.
The Suit
If you only wear a suit only for interviews and other special occasions (weekly worship
[or less], weddings, funerals, etc), then you’re find. However, if you’re in a business
environment and wear a suit everyday, it is strongly suggested you buy another suit.
The best colors for your suit would be navy, pinstripe, or charcoal grey. Avoid dark
navy or black. They make people think you’re clubbing or grieving. Also avoid, brown,
tweed, or green. They are too informal for most interviews.
Shoes and Belt
Shoes and belt should always be dark (black or dark brown). The belt should have a
conservative buckle. Shoes and belt should always match. In other words, if the
shoes are black or brown, then the belt is black or brown, etc.
Avoid loafers for shoes-too casual. The best shoe are black cap shoes. Be sure your
shoes are clean, polished, have no rounded heels nor overly worn soles. This will give
the impression that you don’t care, which I’m sure you don’t want to create thus.
Summary of Interview Attire Guidelines
A clean pressed dress shirt and tie
Conservative colors
A suit or sports coat and dress slacks
Well-polished dress shoes
Neatly groomed
Conservative blouse
Business suit
Conservative colors
Properly fitting attire
Non-revealing attire
Conservative hairstyle
Men and Long Hair
On hair: for men, most interview experts say to get a haircut and to do so 2-3 days
*before* the interview. Do *not* wait until the day of the interview to get a haircut, or
you will not be used to it. This will add to all the other stresses that are happening
during that time.
Before you get your haircut, look through all the haircut chooses (and yes, I know, you
got to tear yourself away from the pretty girl hair pics, but you gotta do it!). Tell your
cosmetologist (the new word for barber) you want a business haircut, and her enough
info so she can do you justice!
If you’re a man with long hair and you don’t want to part with it, then put it in a neat
ponytail. If you don’t have enough hair to work with, and you look shaggy, then slick it
back with hair gel. When it dries, then ponytail it.
If you have long hair and the men where you want to work all have short hair, either get
a haircut, or ignore them as a job source (and keep your long hair). Of course, you can
always apply, you never know.
Smokers, Take Note
If you’re not going to quit, then get into the habit of smoking outside! This is especially
important during your job hunt. Why? Because if your interviewer is a non-smoker, he
or she *will* know you are a smoker. You will reek of smoke IF you smoke inside.
And yes, legally, an employer can’t say “You’re a smoker, I’m not going to hire you!”
However, it is an unofficial fact that if all things are equal, a non-smoker will be hired
over a smoker every time. If you’re a smoker, this is a disadvantage to you.
Because of this, while job hunting and especially before an interview, be sure that you
dry clean all of your clothes (I’m talking: your suit jacket, shirt, and pants.) Buy new
socks, underwear, and hosiery (female) and keep all these clothes in some kind of airtight bag. Put all in a part of your home that the farthest away from all the smoking.
And if you do smoke with your interview clothes on, do so outside only! NOT in the car
going straight home after the interview. Wait until you are home and strip naked
(seriously), put all these clothes in your “smoke-free zone.” Only then can you smoke
freely. And only then do your shopping, visiting, etc. If you don’t, you’ll reek of smoke
and will have to dry clean after each and every interview.
By keeping all clothes away from the tobacco smell and smoking outside, you reduce
most (but not all) of the smoke odor. This will give you one more edge over nonsmokers.
Caught in a dry-cleaning pinch while shuttling around
When you are home between interviews and don’t have enough time to go to the dry
cleaners, much less wait from them to finish, then after you strip naked and throw your
interview clothes (jacket, pants, shirt, and tie) in the dryer with a packet of Dryel, then
this will get rid of the smell (and press them as well).
1. Get ready for the interview at least 3 days (or minimum of 1 [one] day) ahead.
2. Research the company. Find out what kind of business they do, what they sell, etc.
3. Practice a mock interview, with someone you know and trust (who supports your
job-hunting efforts). If not, then use a tape recorder and use another false voice for the
4. Bring extra: resumes, cover letters, references, portfolio, etc. Don’t assume that
the person interviewing you has a copy of your resume. He may or may not. Be overprepared.
5. Don’t fold-up your resume in any way for any reason! It makes you look sloppy and
6. Regarding colognes, aftershaves, make-up, and jewelry: Go easy on any of this
stuff. Don’t smell like a cologne factory because your interviewer just might be allergic
to the stuff. Take off your nose rings, lip rings, ear rings (men), etc, etc. Women, wear
one set of small ear rings and a discreet necklace. Nothing loud or flashy. If in doubt,
7. Cover all tattoos. This means if you’re a tattoo “freak” and have them on your arms
to your wrists, then it is strongly suggested you wear a long-sleeve shirt. This includes
summer time. And yes, you’ll get strange looks from passer-bys; but it’s either that or
the interviewer seeing your tattoos and “freaks out” (without you knowing about it).
You very likely be assigned to the unofficial, “don’t hire him/her” category.
8. Women, use a briefcase and leave your purse at home! It looks more professional.
Even if you’re one those women who have a purse the size of a kitchen sink, trash the
pack-rat mentality for the job hunting process. Use only what you absolutely need!
9. Don’t wear sunglasses during the interview (esp. the “mirror” kind). This creates the
impression that you’re trying to hide something.
10. Use proper English. Don’t use slang or “street” English. Be polite.
11. Men or women, giving a good handshake is very important if you want to impress
the interviewer. Not giving a handshake is better than a limp one. So make it firm and
strong. But don’t give a bone-crushing handshake either, you might intimidate the
interviewer and he’ll get ticked off. You’re already starting off to a bad start. So go
12. Go alone to the interview. Bringing anyone else creates the impression that you’re
insecure and need someone to “prop” you up.
13. Never sit down until an interviewer offers you a chair. Don’t go in and “make
yourself at home.” Treat it as a formal affair.
14. When you grab a chair, sit straight. Don’t slouch, it makes you look lazy.
15. Lean forward. This shows interest. Leaning back shows a “don’t care” attitude.
16. Don’t show too strong facial expressions. It’s a turnoff for many employers. Why?
Because you could be coming on too strong.
17. Send a thank you note the next day after the interview. Do you send the
traditional handwritten or typed and snail mailed or email one? It’s up to you. My
educated guess is that most people send typed via snail mail, and send an email thank
you at the same time and leave it at that. Very few people send handwritten notes. If
you want to stand out, send handwritten.
eBooks to check out on job-hunting, etc:
Perfect Interview, The
How to Find Your Perfect Job
Job Interviews Success System
You Don’t Know Squat About Job Hunting
Chapter 6 = Your Tie – Buying, Caring for, etc
Tie It Up: 8 Great Neckties
By Chris Rovny 7
Fashion Correspondent - Every Friday
NOTE: This is great article on different kinds of ties. Check it out here
Chris Rovny’s email
[email protected]
Buying a Tie
Try the tie make sure it is well-knotted.
The best materials for ties are either silk or silk/polyester combo.
The inside of the tie should be lined with material that’s stiff to keep the tie shaped
Average ties come in lengths from 52-58, if you’re a very tall man, consider ordering
custom-made ties.
If you’re going to buy a tie for a suit you already have, and then bring the suit with
you to be sure the tie matches it.
The lining of the tie also holds its shape. The best ties are lined with 100% wool or
a wool mix. More wool means higher quality.
The best ties are cut across the material (cut on the bias); this’ll let the tie fall
straight without curling after its knotted. To test for this, wrap the tie in your hand to
see if it begins to twirl in the air, if it doesn’t then it’s a good quality tie.
Give the tie a good look-over for loose threads and miss weaves.
Like most things, the more money you spend, the higher the quality.
If the tie feels rough when you touch it, that means the silk is made from inferior
Wearing a Tie
Avoid clip on ties. For bowties, self-tied (neck-wrapped), are ok.
The length of your tie should be to the same level as your pants.
* Your tie should be darker than the color of your shirt.
Avoid ties that are too bright.
The tie’s general width is 3.5 inches. This width will always be in fashion.
The width of tie should follow the same width as the width coat’s lapel. In other words:
Lapel is wide = tie should be wide. Label is narrow = tie should be narrow.
The knot of the tie should be in proportion to the collar. If too big, it’ll force the collar
open too much. If too small, the knot becomes lost in the tie.
When choosing colors of your tie, it should not be so different as to clash with your suit.
But the colors should not be so similar that it fades into the suit.
There are two things to think about regarding a patterned tie: the main color should
complement your suit and the secondary color, your shirt.
Textures of your tie should match your suit. If you have a shiny silk tie, then you
should wear a shiny silk shirt. If you have a wool tie, then a wool suit.
Caring for your Tie
A tie that is care for properly can last a long time.
If you hang up you ties, it’ll help take out some of the wrinkles. Knit ties can stretched
if hung, so roll them up and put them in a drawer.
Buy a rack specially designed to hang ties. Hanging ties on hangers means they will
become twisted or slip off.
To remove wrinkles in a tie, roll it up from the narrow end first and leave it for a few
To prevent fading, store ties out of direct sunlight.
When traveling, roll up ties loosely and put inside a pair of socks or if you have one, a
tie case.
Any loose threads should be cut. To pull them will really mess up your tie.
Wearing a tie twice in a row is a bad idea. Why? It needs time to return to normal
When not wearing your tie, you should always unknot it. To not do so is to mess up
the tie and cause permanent wrinkles.
Reverse your procedure when you untie your tie. If the smaller end is pulled through
the knot can cause the tie to get bent out of shape.
How to Clean a Silk Tie
How to Clean a Silk Tie
Chapter 7 = Custom Neckties, Bowties, etc.
Custom Ties
Click here for contact info on how to order custom ties.
Make-Your-Own-Tie Patterns
Michael Landman has a book in print form only that shows how you can create your
own necktie and bowtie patterns. He lives in Australia.
Contact Info:
(Note: Tell Michael you heard from me in this ebook! Thanks.)
Custom Shirts
Best Custom Shirts
Create your custom shirt (for men or women) securely online. Tailored custom shirts
that reflect your individuality. With a time-honored reputation in New York City for over
30 years.
Chapter 8 = Shopping
Neckties Plus
Pure silk unbranded Italian ties!
Raffaello Ties is the Number One Online Tie and Handbag Store and sells Armani,
Gucci, Versace, Prada, Ferragamo and many more.
Croata Online (Europe)
Croata Online – Buy neckties from the country that the tie originated from!
Belisi Fashion
Get 3 hand-made silk ties for $3!
Paul Fredrick
Clearance Neckties starting at $9.50
Tie Luxe
For the Guy Who Smokes and Drinks
Infectious Awareables
Neckties and other clothing items that have images of diseases on them: AIDS,
influenza, anthrax, E. coli, Ebola, etc, etc. This is done to raise awareness of these
diseases and their devastating effects on people.
Shop five (5) stores at once! Brands Boutique and Luxury Vintage sell neckties, etc.
The other stores are Italy’s Outlet, Designers LA, and Value Bags.
Free shipping on all orders over $150! (They sell ties: Look at nav menu on left, under
“Shop What’s Hot”, and look for “Ties.”)
Neckties and Bowties
Neckties is the place to buy designer and novelty ties of almost every theme. You’ll
find neckties made of silk, cotton, polyester, wool, denim, acetate, rubber, and wood.
They offer over 300 brands of neckties and accessories (includes bowties also!).
CLICK HERE for Wild Ties at Wildly low prices! 40% off retail on most neckties!
Tie Warehouse (UK)
They sell all kinds of neckties (plain, patterned, novelty, etc) as well as bowties for men
and boys. They also sell cummerbunds.
Neckties, Accessories, and Clothing etc.
Forzieri (Italy)
Forzieri, in Florence, Italy, sells neckties as well as clothes and other accessories.
The best of Italian fashion!
Stacy Adams
Stacy Adams is more than shoes. From head to toe: We cover your style from hiphop to silky soul.
The Tie Lock
The most innovative new product for men, a great item for all professional men.
The Tie Lock™ invisibly restrains a man's necktie.
Custom Shirts, etc
Best Custom Shirts
Create your custom shirt (for men or women) securely online. Tailored custom shirts
that reflect your individuality. With a time-honored reputation in New York City for over
30 years.
Formal Wear – Men’s
Clermont Direct (UK)
Clermont Direct - We specialize in selling gentlemen’s formal clothing at factory outlet
prices. If you are fed up with renting and are looking to buy a dinner jacket, dinner suit,
dress shirt, or any other eveningwear, at affordable prices, we can help you.
Jos. A. Bank
The expert in men’s apparel. Formal wear, sportswear, business dress and business
Tuxedos Direct
The Right Cut Makes the Man
Business and Casual Wear – Men’s, Women’s, and/or Kids
Thomas Pink (UK)
Thomas Pink is London's leading Jermyn Street shirt maker. Pink creates the finest,
luxury shirts for men and women. Men's wear, Women's wear, occasional wear, formal
shirts, Ties, socks, cufflinks are all available.
Jos. A. Bank
The expert in men’s apparel. Formal wear, sportswear, business dress and business
Rochester, Big & Tall
Cutter & Buck at Rochester Big & Tall
Savile Row Company (UK)
The Savile Row Company offers quality British business shirts and suits at affordable
Sierra Trading Post
Sierra Trading Post: save 35-70% on casual apparel, dress clothing, travel gear,
outdoor clothing, footwear, home furnishings, and outdoor gear!
Fine, quality men’s shoes: dress, tuxedo, casual, boot and accessories.
Shoe MGK
Shoe Cleaner & Leather Cleaner that Conditions. 100% Money Back GUARANTEE!
GigaGolf's commitment is to offer the latest in golf technology at affordable prices. We
do this by manufacturing golf equipment with only the best names in component
heads, shafts and grips.
Name brand used golf balls at under half the cost of new golf balls. We also carry a
large selection of golf clubs and feature exceptional customer service.
Gifts – Jewelry
alle’ Fine Jewelry
alle' Fine Jewelry now offering Free Fed-Ex 2nd-Day Holiday Shipping.
Chic and sleek
Fine diamonds and timeless jewelry. Quality. Value. Expert Advice.
Ora Jewels
They sell fine quality jewelry direct to consumer at discount prices - over 50 Years on
Fifth Ave. in the world famous Diamond District of NYC.
Gifts – Electronics
Cambridge Soundworks
Need help? Let Cambridge SoundWorks help you choose a DVD players, receivers,
speakers, CD players. Once you understand choices, the decisions are easy.
Madison Avenue Mall
This store sells an eclectic mixture of furs, jewelry, electronics, fragrances, and travel.
Adam Leathers
Leather for everyone: Ladies, men, kids, motorcycle, fashion, and western. Their
apparel such as chaps, duster coats, jackets, pants, jeans, shirts and vests. And last
but not least accessories such as belts, buckles, boots, shoes, gloves, hats, purses,
and bags! (Whew! Are you ready to shop, or what?)
Shoe MGK
Shoe Cleaner & Leather Cleaner that Conditions. 100% Money Back GUARANTEE!
Magazine Supermarket
Click to save up to 85% on sports magazines!
FREE SHIPPING on orders of $49 or more at BAMM.COM. Coupon Code:
Men, shop for clothes and accessories (also for women, children, electronics, furniture,
etc, etc).
International Jock
International Jock offers men's sports apparel, underwear and swimwear - jockstraps,
athletic supporters and support briefs, hard & soft cups with jockstrap, compression
shorts, thongs & men's underwear.
FTD.COM is an Internet and telephone marketer of flowers and specialty gifts (plants
and gourmet items). They provide same-day delivery of floral orders to nearly 100
percent of the U.S. population, as well as international floral delivery network of 50,000
affiliated FTD Florists in 154 countries.
United Shades
Designer sunglasses. 5% off all purchases. Plus seasonal specials
Chapter 9 = Just for Fun
Three Laws of Fashion
By Jerry Carmack
When it comes to deciding what clothes to wear, there are three (3) different kinds of
1. Those who are clueless about fashion.
2. Those who try to fit in by wearing the same thing as everyone else.
3. Those who see what is current fashion, and knowingly dress differently.
People who are clueless about fashion (the Holy Ignorants), think it’s a waste of time
dressing “properly” and feel that developing the “inner child” or they “follow their heart,”
etc is far more important than outward show. Some Holy Ignorants show their
contempt of our society by dressing in such a way that from a distance, they may be
mistaken for street people.
It’s actually very easy to be a Holy Ignorant, all you have to do is ignore all sense of
fashion and wear what you what, when you want, and how you want. You will be seen
as lazy, a bum, or mistaken for a street person (as I mentioned earlier) by those who
try to blend in. However, other Holy Ignorants will think of you as finding the “Holy
Grail” of enlightment of your soul-like they have. If you have attained any measure of
success, then you will be regard as a hero by other Holy Ignorants.
Then there are those who try to fit in (the Fashionables). You’ll notice what everyone
else is wearing or even see trends coming and dress accordingly. You’ll get the praise
and admiration of other Fashionables. You’ll have to spend a great deal of time and
money (more money than time, actually) desperately trying to fit in and do so four
times a year (fall, winter, spring, and summer). It’s really a waste of money and time
trying to do this unless you’re wealthy. Then you have the money at least (but you
may not have the time) to spend trying to “keep up with the Jones.”
Finally, you may among those who don’t ignore fashion, but you do *not* worship it
either. You see the Holy Ignorants with their (sometimes) street person appearance
and the Fashionables, who are working very hard at blending in. But you see a better
way than both. You don’t ignore fashion, but you don’t completely follow everything
either. You want to be different. How? Note the following:
1. To be consistent is the enemy. Don’t wear the same color patterns every season.
You need to construct lots of storage space (if you don’t have any) with many bins to
store clothes you’ll not use until 2-3 year in the future. This way you can vary the kind
of clothes you wear each season and be different enough so you’re not a Holy
Ignorant, but not blend in either.
2. Be an expert on one accessory. The other key to being different is take one
accessory and work all the clothes you wear around that. For females, that may be
necklaces, earrings, scarf’s, etc. For males, that’s mostly neckties. When you do the
accessory thing, you’ll stand out from the crowd and still be fashionable.
3. Never buy retail (except for 4 below). Don’t buy retail when you can buy secondhand / used. What?! You say? I wouldn’t be caught dead in the “poor people’s area.”
You don’t have to. Go to wealthy neighborhoods and you’ll be surprised how much
you’ll save at Salvation Army, consignment stores, etc in that area.
4. Have a fashionable outfit. Is the author contradicting himself? (Duh: “Never buy
retail”?!) No, not really. You need to go out buy one outfit that’s good for all seasons.
You do that by getting basic colors (like dark blue) and accessorize according to the
seasons first and your mood second.
5. Always pick another color. When the fashion is scarlet, choose bluish-red. If it’s
blue, go with reddish-blue, etc. This way you’re in fashion, yet doing your thing.
6. Guided use of a mixture of colors. Never be afraid to experiment with clashing
colors. You’ll look fashionable *your* way and the Holy Ignorants will admire you with
looks and the Fashionables will praise you with their mouths!
Reproductive Behavior of the Ordinary Necktie
(Strangulus Polyestrus) 8
Dr. Horace P. Foulard-Kravatz, Ph.D.
It has been observed for some time that Strangulus Polyestrus has a reproductive
cycle closely related to their storage environment, but until now, this behavior has
never been documented.
For the initial phase of this study, four groups of 20 Strangulus P. were used. The first
was a control group, hung neatly on a tie rack in an open room. Over the course of six
months, no reproductive behavior was observed.
The second group consisted of 20 Strangulus P. hung on a tie rack in a closed closet.
After six months in this closet, it was found that no new Strangula had been produced,
although several had fallen to the floor during the process of trying to reproduce.
The third group consisted of 20 Strangulus P. flung carelessly into a dresser drawer,
which was then closed and sealed for six months. When the drawer was finally
opened, it was found that the adult Strangula had been promiscuous indeed, resulting
in the formation of seven new Strangula. The coloring of these adolescent Strangula
indicated that the Gaudy sub-species has a shorter or more successful reproductive
cycle, prompting the research described in the latter part of this study.
Reproductive Behavior of the Ordinary Necktie
Also found at:
The fourth and final group of 20 Strangulus P. was assembled at the request of a
colleague who insisted that the best place for breeding Strangula was the back seat of
a car. This method did prove to be the most productive attempt, although it initially got
off to a slow start. At the beginning of the experiment, the dormant Strangula were
simply laid neatly across the back seat of the car. No reproductive behavior was
observed until they were eventually swept aside to make room for passengers, and
ultimately kicked under the driver's and passenger's side seats, at which point they not
only began to produce at an astonishing, if not outright whorish rate, but also began to
display significant signs of territorial belligerence, often attacking the feet and hands of
observing scientists. Again, the overwhelming majority of the offspring belonged to the
Gaudy sub-species.
This preponderance of Strangulus Polyestrus Gaudy, and a need to waste the
remainder of a significant federal grant to ensure continued funding, prompted
additional research to contrast and compare the reproductive cycle of Gaudy to the
other major sub-species of Strangulus P.: Spotted and Drab. For this phase, 20 adult
Strangula of each sub-species were shoved hurriedly into drawers which were
subsequently sealed for a period of two months.
After two months, the Drab specimens were still languorously indulging in foreplay,
which seemed to consist mainly of estimating one's net worth and making trite and
insincere comments about other Strangula texture, color, or cooking ability. The
Spotted specimens were crusting up nicely and had begun to exude a weird, but not
altogether nauseating, odor. The Gaudy specimens, on the other hand, were not only
procreating at a scandalous rate, but had established a crude transmission device and
were broadcasting talk shows with themes along the lines of "Ketchup: Aphrodisiac or
Communist Menace", and "Women Who Love Piet Mondrians and the Men Who Wear
It was at this time that the study was dropped abruptly due to intervention from the
Dean of the University, who guaranteed tenure only if the damn report would be
published already.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------(For why this funny story was written, see below)
I wrote this [article above] for a friend of mine who has a habit of throwing his neckties
into the back seat of his car after taking them off. We had this running gag about how,
when car-cleaning time came around, he always took out more neckties than he threw
back there. 9
How this article was written.
The Ultimate, Definitive, Guide to Clark Kent’s Ties
This website gives the complete lowdown on *all* the ties that
Dean Cain’s character Clark Kent wore in the series “Lois &
Clark: The New Adventures of Superman.”
(Tell the author/webmaster Jerry Carmack sent you via this ebook. Thanks)
The World’s Most Hideous Neckties
“There are some very interesting and informative pages on the Internet.
There are also some very pointless pages.
This is a pointless page.”
This website goes into some detail (with thumbnails/enlargements of neckties) on the
webmaster and his necktie collection. Many of his colleagues noticed the webmaster
was wearing what they considered hideous neckties and encouraged him to publish his
necktie collection on the internet. And he did.
Chapter 10 = Bye!
Thanks for stopping by. As we say in the South (southern US):
Ya’ll come back now, hear?!