TRICK QUESTION Each Sunday, the pastor would give the

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TRICK QUESTION
Each Sunday, the pastor would give the children's message
during church. For this part of the service,
he would gather all the children around
him and give a brief lesson before dismissing them for children's church.
On this particular Sunday, he was using
squirrels for an object lesson on industry
and preparation. He started out by saying,
"I'm going to describe something, and I
want you to raise your hand when you
know what it is." The children nodded eagerly.
"This thing lives in trees (pause)
and eats nuts (pause)..." No hands
went up. "And it is gray (pause) and has a
long bushy tail (pause)..."
The children were looking at each other, but still no hands
raised. "And it jumps from branch to branch (pause) and
chatters and flips its tail when it's excited
(pause)..."
Finally one little boy tentatively
raised his hand. The pastor breathed
a sigh of relief and called on him.
"Well," said the boy, "I know the
answer is supposed to be Jesus, but it
sure sounds like a squirrel to me!"
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MY CONCERN IS NOT WHETHER
GOD IS ON OUR SIDE; MY GREATEST CONCERN IS TO BE ON GOD'S SIDE, FOR GOD IS ALWAYS RIGHT A. LINCOLN
WHATTA I DO, DOC, WHATTA I DO?
A man goes to see the counselor. Something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you
about it."
The counselor asked, "What's wrong?"
The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me."
The counselor, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that
be?"
The man pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning
me and I don’t know what to do!"
The counselor soothingly offers, "Relax. Let me talk to her,
I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."
A week later the counselor calls the man and says, "Well, I
spoke to your wife. She told me her whole story. I was on the
phone with her for over three hours. Do you still want my advice?"
“Yes! replied the man. ”You’ve got to tell me what to do.”
Without hesitation the counselor replied, "Take the poison”.
SIGN AT A POPULAR
FISHING/CAMPING SITE:
Please do not throw your cigarette
butts on the ground. The fish crawl
up on the shore at night and smoke
them. We are trying to help them quit.
I MISS BEING THE AGE WHERE I THOUGHT I WOULD HAVE MY LIFE TOGETHER BY THE TIME I WAS THE AGE I AM NOW
YOU CAN’T ALWAYS CONTROL WHO COMES INTO YOUR LIFE; BUT YOU CAN CONTROL WHICH WINDOW YOU THROW THEM OUT OF
I WANT TIME TO SIT AND READ, TAKE A NAP AND SNACK. BASICALLY, I WANT TO BE IN KINDERGARTEN
YOU MUST LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF - JESUS
RAP IS LIKE SCISSORS; IT ALWAYS LOSES TO ROCK
DUCT TAPE CAN'T FIX STUPID
... BUT IT CAN MUFFLE THE SOUND!
I DON'T TRIP OVER THINGS, I DO RANDOM GRAVITY CHECKS
RAISIN COOKIES THAT LOOK LIKE CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES ARE THE MAIN REASON I HAVE TRUST ISSUES
IT IS IN GIVING THAT WE RECEIVE
OLD AGE IS COMING AT A REALLY BAD TIME!
THE KILLER WHALE IS A NATURAL PREDATOR OF THE MOOSE. ALASKAN KILLER WHALES EAT DEER AND MOOSE SWIMMING BETWEEN ISLANDS
TALK SLOW, TALK LOW AND DON’T SAY TOO MUCH - JOHN WAYNE
YOU HAVE TO LOVE WHAT YOU DO TO WANT TO DO IT
ONE STEP AT A TIME…
TO BE OLD AND WISE YOU MUST FIRST BE YOUNG AND STUPID
It’s time for those annual resolutions, again – dang it! Try as
we might to squeeze good habits into our daily lives, we are
looking for that magic wand to turn back the clock and turn
up the energy level. We’re looking for magic.
The reason it seems daunting is because we don’t make our
resolutions attainable. We don’t decide to lose 5 pounds. We
know we need to lose 30 so we make that our goal.
The key here is to start with something you really want and/
then put a plan in place to make it happen. We need to focus
on that one singular goal, so there’s not a lot of competition
for our consistency and our commitment.
My Mom moved into assisted living last March. She lasted a
month before moving to the nursing center because she got
shingles affecting her sciatic nerve and couldn’t walk for 6
months. It traumatized her and the rest of us. She lost her
ability to independently care for herself. The thought of that
kicked Mom in the pants and got her moving - slowly.
However, day by day she took it one step at a time, and she
did it! My Mom is 96 and obviously my hero! Moral of the
story… It is NEVER too late to do something new or something hard!
A journey begins with a single step. Make your goal realistic.
Focus on one thing that is truly important to you and you will
achieve it. Whether you start by walking to the mailbox or
around the block, you do have the power to JUST DO IT.
We do get a choice each and every day. Make those choices
count. Use your time wisely, don’t waste it – it’s a gift!
Elaine Poker-Yount is the Community Liaison
for Visiting Angels East Valley.
She can be reached at [email protected],
or by calling 480-833-8247
WELL DONE IS BETTER THAN WELL SAID
ENERGY AND PERSISTENCE CONQUER ALL THINGS
WATER IS THE MOST ESSENTIAL ELEMENT OF LIFE, BECAUSE WITHOUT WATER, YOU CAN’T MAKE COFFEE
Answers
1. One, the state of Washington
2. Honshu
3. Tax evasion
4. "The Princess Bride"
5. Dancing
(c) 2014 King Features Synd., Inc.
6. "Hee Haw"
7. Carolus Linnaeus
8. Charles L. Dodgson
9. Type of grape
10. From the beginning
FAILURE IS A BIG PART OF SUCCESS
1. U.S. PRESIDENTS: How many U.S. states are named after
a president?
2. GEOGRAPHY: Which Japanese island is the home of
Mount Fuji?
3. FAMOUS PEOPLE: What was gangster Al Capone convicted of, sending him to prison for 11 years?
4. MOVIES: What 1980s movie featured the lines, "My name
is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."?
5. PSYCHOLOGY: What would someone who suffered from
chorophobia be afraid of?
6. TELEVISION: Which long-running country variety show
featured a radio station named KORN?
7. SCIENCE: Who is known as the "father of taxonomy," a
system of naming, ranking and classifying organisms?
8. LITERATURE: Who wrote under the pseudonym of Lewis
Carroll?
9. FOOD & DRINK: What is a scuppernong?
10. MUSIC: What does the musical notation "da capo" mean?
HAVE YOU EVER LOVED SOMEONE SO MUCH THAT YOU KEEP THEM HIDDEN FROM THE WORLD? WELL, APPARENTLY THAT’S KIDNAPPING
BETTER TO FIGHT FOR SOMETHING THAN LIVE FOR NOTHING
AW, I WAS JUST TEETHING
Grandpa and Grandma were
sitting in their porch rockers
watching the beautiful sunset and reminiscing about
"The good old days," when
Grandma turned to Grandpa
and said, "Honey, do you
remember when we first
started dating and you used
to just casually reach over and take my hand?"
Grandpa looked over at her, smiled and
took her aged hand in his. With a wry
little smile Grandma pressed a little
farther, "Honey, do you remember
how after we were engaged you'd
sometimes lean over and suddenly
kiss me on the cheek?"
Grandpa leaned slowly toward
Grandma and gave her a lingering
kiss on her wrinkled cheek.
Growing bolder still, Grandma said, "Honey,
do you remember how, after we were first
married, you'd kind of nibble on my ear?"
Grandpa slowly got up from his rocker, and headed into the house.
Alarmed, Grandma said, "Honey,
where are you going?"
Grandpa replied, "To get my
teeth!"
SILENCE IS ARGUMENT CARRIED OUT BY OTHER MEANS
TOMORROW HOPES WE HAVE LEARNED SOMETHING FROM YESTERDAY
I WENT ON YOUTUBE TO WATCH A QUICK MUSIC VIDEO. 5 HOURS LATER I FOUND MYSELF WATCHING A TUTORIAL ON HOW TO TALK TO A COW
ANY FOOL CAN CRITICIZE AND COMPLAIN AND MOST FOOLS DO
¥ On Jan. 23, 1775, London merchants petition
Parliament for relief from the financial hardship
put upon them by the curtailment of trade with
the North American colonies. Most critical
to the merchants' concerns were the 2 million pounds sterling in outstanding debts
owed to them.
¥ On Jan. 20, 1937, President Franklin D. Roosevelt is inaugurated for the second time as
president. The Constitution had originally set
March 4 as the presidential inauguration date to
allow the winner time to travel to the nation's
capital.
¥ On Jan. 25, 1949, the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences holds its first annual
awards ceremony in Los Angeles. The nowfamous award statuette "Emmy" was a feminized version of "immy," the shorthand term
for the image orthicon tube that was
used in TV cameras until the 1960s.
I DON’T THINK I COULD EVER STAB SOMEONE. LET’S BE HONEST. I CAN BARELY GET THE STRAW INTO THE CAPRI SUN
¥ On Jan. 19, 1915, during World
War I, Britain suffers its first casualties from an air attack when two German zeppelins drop bombs on Great
Yarmouth and King's Lynn on the
east coast of England.
¥ On Jan. 24, 1956, Look magazine publishes the confessions of J.W. Milam and Roy Bryant, two
white men from Mississippi who were acquitted in the 1955
kidnapping and murder of black teenager Emmett Till. In August 1955, on a visit to relatives, the 14-year-old Till had allegedly whistled at a white woman who ran a store.
¥ On Jan. 21, 1977, President Jimmy Carter grants an unconditional pardon to hundreds of thousands of men who evaded
the draft during the Vietnam War. Some 100,000 young
Americans went abroad, with 90 percent going to Canada.
The Canadian government had instructed border guards not to
ask too many questions.
¥ On Jan. 22, 1981, the final portrait of John Lennon and
wife, Yoko, appears on the cover of Rolling Stone.
The photo, taken 12 hours before Lennon
was assassinated, shows a naked Lennon
curled up in a fetal embrace with a fully
clothed Yoko. Photographer Annie Liebowitz
had been told by a Rolling Stone editor,
"Please get me some pictures without [Yoko]."
(c) 2015 King Features Synd., Inc.
WHERE LIBERTY DWELLS, THERE IS MY COUNTRY
IT IS NOT THE HEALTHY THAT NEED A DOCTOR BUT THE SICK - JESUS
THE PATRIOT’S BLOOD IS THE SEED OF FREEDOM’S TREE
YOU DO NOT REFORM THE WORLD BY IGNORING IT
OPERATION GRATITUDE EXPANDS ITS REACH
Operation Gratitude has branched out. Since 2003, it has sent
more than 1.1 million care packages to military personnel overseas in harm's way. Now, in addition, OpGrat is sending care
packages to recruits coming out of boot camp.
You remember boot camp ... and what it was like to finally be
finished. So far, the non-profit organization has sent nearly
17,000 packages to graduates of Navy and Marine Corps boot
camps, and it will bring the Air Force and Army into the fold in
2015.
Each box contains quality gifts and goodies, including snacks,
hygiene products, drink mixes, books, CDs, DVDs and players,
a "Loved One" medallion, survival bracelet, handmade scarves,
hats ... and the much-appreciated cards and letters from children
and adults all across the U.S.
The goal to send packages to those coming out of boot camp is a
worthy one, as it shows our appreciation to each of them and lets
them know they're not alone.
I know the holidays have many of us spread a little thin, but I'm
asking you to open your wallets and send some money to Operation Gratitude, which gets no handouts from the government, not
even the Post Office. It costs $15 to send each package. Volunteers recently got an emergency request for 4,000 packages for
the Marine Corps Recruit Depot Parris Island graduating classes.
Do the math: That's a lot of money for postage alone, and the
annual goal is to send out 100,000 packages.
For more information or to make a donation online, go to
www.operationgratitude.com, or call the InfoLine at 1-800-6518031. Checks can go to Operation Gratitude, P.O. Box 260257,
Encino, CA 91426-0257. For merchandise donations, carefully
read the online wish list, as mailing addresses are different.
Freddy Groves regrets that he cannot personally answer reader
questions, but will incorporate them into his column whenever possible. Send email to [email protected]
(c) 2015 King Features Synd., Inc.
SCRIPTURE TELLS US THAT WE LACK THE CAPACITY TO GRASP GOD'S INFINITE MIND. HOW ARROGANT OF US TO THINK OTHERWISE.
MORE PEOPLE ARE TROUBLED BY WHAT IS PLAIN IN SCRIPTURE THAN BY WHAT IS OBSCURE
WHEN I DIE I WANT MY LAST WORDS TO BE, “I LEFT A MILLION DOLLARS IN THE…”
¥ Feminist and social activist Gloria Steinem made the following sage observation: "Logic is in the eye of the logician."
¥ Some historians claim that Moses had a stutter.
BECOMING AN ADULT WAS THE DUMBEST THING I HAVE EVER DONE
¥ If you're like the average American, your vocabulary consists of roughly 45,000 words.
¥ Despite the sound of the word, those who suffer
from amusia do not have any impairment of their
sense of humor; rather, they're tone deaf -- medically unable to hear or accurately reproduce relative pitch.
¥ When the wildly successful 1965 film "The Sound of Music"
was released in South Korea, one theater owner felt that the
movie was too long. He took it upon himself to remedy the situation -- by cutting out all the musical numbers.
¥ If you're planning a trip to the Canadian province of New
Brunswick, you might want to include a stop to see the Reversing Falls of St. John. While the St. John River flows into the
Bay of Fundy at low tide, high tide in the bay is so extreme that
it causes the water to reverse itself and flow
from the bay back into the river.
EVEN THE DEVIL CAN QUOTE SCRIPTURE
¥ It's been reported that famed chef Julia
Child loved to eat corn chips with peanut
butter.
¥ You might be surprised to learn that out of
the 362 episodes of "Alfred Hitchcock Presents" that were produced over the course of a decade, Hitchcock himself directed only 20.
¥ Those who study such things say that the fastest-growing
sport among high-school students in Minnesota is trap shooting.
Thought for the Day: "These are bagpipes. I understand the inventor of the bagpipes was inspired when
he saw a man carrying an indignant, asthmatic pig under his arm. Unfortunately,
the man-made sound never equaled the
purity of the sound achieved by the pig." - Alfred Hitchcock
(c) 2015 King Features Synd., Inc.