LIFE STRATEGIES FOR DEALING WITH BULLIES Michele M. Valentino, MSN, CS, BC Objectives • Describe & explain methods of dealing with bullying • Explore other bully busting techniques & Analyzing alternative choices • Analyze the scenario “After the Bullying/Violent episode”. Discuss strategies to reclaim dignity & build support, respectful, healthy environments BULLY BUSTING “He that respects himself is safe from others, he wears a coat of armor that none can pierce.” - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow Preface • None of the suggestions/tips for dealing with a Bully is guaranteed • These are suggestions for you to decide what is appropriate in your unique situation The Simple Truth • To stop a bully from turning you into a Target, just firmly announce that his/her behavior will not be accepted without he/her running the risk that it will be reported immediately to both a private lawyer & and the company’s legal team. Gesture that he/she has one chance to stop now (palm of your raised hand racing her) and that he/she consider the consequences of continuing her childish, embarrassing behavior. -Gary & Ruth Namie www. Workplacebullying.org Namie Survey • • • • • • • U.S. Hostile Workplace 2000 Anonymous survey online 1 335 respondents, random design. 50% M & F 81% ranked higher 14% same rank 5% lower rank It’s no Secret • • • • 96% co-workers were aware of the bullying 46% public sites 34% private 20% behind closed doors but meant to be overheard • Woman were predominantly Targets 77% Happens Everywhere • 35% Corporate employers • 33% govt. (vs. 12% of the national workforce) • 13% small or family run businesses • 19% nonprofit organizations 63% Targets had some college & degrees 17% grad. Degrees 4% PhD’s, M.D.s or lawyers Bullying • Ave. exposure 16.5 mo Related Terminology • • • • • Horizontal Violence Disruptive Behavior Incivility Horizontal hostility Lateral violence Top 5 Reasons Bullies Bullied 1. Target refused to be subservient, resisted control 58% 2. Bully envied Target’s competence in work 56% 3. Bully envied Target’s social skills, being liked, + attitude 49% 4. Ethical Target behavior, whistleblower was retaliated against 46% 5. The cruel personality of the bully 42% What Made Bullying STOP • 11% transferred but kept job with same employer • 38% left voluntarily for self-preservation • 44% were expelled in a way controlled by the employer • 7% Negative sanctions against the bully (censure, transfer or termination) 82% actually lost their jobs simply because a bully came uninvited into their lives Economic Impact of Bullying on the Target • 51% lost income • 33% experienced no change • 16% realized a gain as a result of termination and replacement with a better-paying job elsewhere Need to report!! • Need to report to raise awareness of the problem • Typically, acts of violence that do not result in injury are not reported ( 61% of nonphysical violence was unreported in 1 study (Findorff, McGovern & Sinclair, 2005) Obstacles to Reporting • Inurnment due to chronic & protected exposure to bullying individuals • Few effective regulations • Attitude & perception that this “is just part of the job” • Organizational culture, including onus on the victim to be proactive & make the complaint & the employer’s belief that it would be too costly to institute protective measures for the staff Obstacles to Reporting • Stigma of victimization, including embarrassment, shame, isolation & fear of judgment • Fear of job loss • Fear if blame of provoking the assault or being negligent • Victim’s self-blame • Time-consuming, ineffective, or gender-biased reporting mechanisms Obstacles to Reporting • No benefit, either personal or organizational, of reporting • Unhelpful experience with prior reporting Tips for Dealing with Disruptive Behaviors by Center for Am. Nurses • Identify what behaviors are bullying • Remember, sometimes the more passive behaviors can be the most damaging & the most pervasive! • Know when to engage • Avoid Avoidance “I swore never to be silent whenever and wherever human beings endure suffering and humiliation….Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.” Elie Wiesel, Nobel Laureate and Holocaust Survivor Identify Bullying • Unwarranted or invalid criticism • Blame without factual justification • Being treated differently than the rest of your work group • Being sworn at Exclusion or social isolation • Being shouted at or being humiliated • Being the target of practical jokes • Excessive monitoring Identify Bullying Tactics • • • • • Being over-critical Micromanaging Exclusion Unfairness or “crazy-making” Lack of clarity Evaluate Options • Prepare oneself mentally (bully proof) • Which approach will you take? Bully proofing • • • • • • • • • Preparing mentally Personal philosophy Creating an invincible attitude Venting Get some perspective Prepare for the worst Commit to see it through Mildly committed bullies Relentless bullies Bully proofing • • • • • • Understand the results of losing Evaluate the rewards of winning How difficult will it be to look for another job? Understand the risks of doing nothing Expect a nasty battle Identify the ultimate value !” Bully proofing • Identify the ultimate value • Step Four: Commit to see it through What is the bully’s level of commitment? You must match or exceed that if you want to win Financial preparation Bully proofing • • • • • Financial preparation Lining up a new job Getting family on board Financial independence Avoiding sharks Create an Invincible Attitude • • • • Venting Get some perspective Prepare for the worst Commit to see it through Step Three: Prepare for the worst • When you expect the worst, you are less likely to be disappointed • Assume the worst from the bully • Don’t plan on a normal, cooperative relationship • Always remember that a skilled, aggressive bully is capable of the worst of workplace behaviors. Prepare for the Worst • • • • Expect a nasty battle Evaluate the alternatives to fighting Face your fears about changing jobs Consider all your options Options • • • • • • • • Do Nothing Make a plan and act Go to your manager Notify HR Take sick leave Explore other job options Resign Contact an attorney Job Search • • • • • No griping Employment agencies and recruiters Networking Fighting after finding a new job Reorganizing your finances Tips for Dealing with Disruptive Behaviors by Center for Am. Nurses • Be mindful of your own feelings • Take immediate interventions when witnessing disruptive behaviors • Learn to listen • Collaborate with your boss • Behave differently • Reflect on the experience • Remember, it’s about you—not about them Document, Document, Document • Can use incident reports for your file www.bullyingbosses.com • Document hot-button issues • Keep track of health issues • Organize a Documents FileGeneral & personal documents • Drafting a Chronology Document • Obtaining copies of harassing / bullying paper trails; hold onto copies of documents that contradict the bully’s accusations against you (e.g., time sheets Bully Proofing Comes First • Phase 1 Bully Proofing to Stop the Hurt • Phase 2 Bully Proofing to Topple the Tyrant Bully Proofing to Stop the Hurt • Typical scenario • Assess Impact Before It’s Too Late 4 areas to help begin your recovery from bullying. 1) How I relate to others 2) How other people see me 3) My performance at work 4) My ability to reason & solve problems Write down as many phrases you can, give blank ones to two others & compare. Bully Proofing • Quality of Relationships with Others • Confidence in Personal Competence • Emotional Effectiveness Do your self rating Ask others to rate you Summarize the observations in an Impact Table Interpret patterns for meaning, Regain Perspective Changing Your Perspective • Step 1. Compare your bully problems to a catastrophic event. • Step 2. Mentally edit the memory of your encounter with the bully as if you were editing a film. As you replay your last encounter, view it as if it came from another camera angle. Turn the camera so you can look at it in different ways, Go over the memory with a friend to try & get a new perspective on the situation. Changing Your Perspective • Step 3. Reframe the problem & change the meaning of the experience, Try to look at the experience as a positive event rather than an attack on you. Are there any ways the bullying experience could be +? Establish & Protect Boundaries “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” -Eleanor Roosevelt SIGN-up for Bully Proof Insurance • Part 1: Expect an attack • Part 2: Know some bully-proof responses • Part 3: Practice your responses Check Policies /Procedures of Workplace • May need to request the actions by bully to stop • Expect the bully to deny and perhaps misconstrue your accusations; have a witness with you during any meetings with the bully; report the behavior to an appropriate person Repel Invasion- Become a Workplace Warrior, Not a Target • • • • Use verbal commands Announce that a line has been crossed Refuse to be a victim Announce that you have a policy of zero tolerance for such unacceptable actions & that you will enforce this. A tit for tat. • In workplace bullying, people who show emotion are generally seen as more vulnerable than those who have a closed style • Develop the Self Verbal Defense Strategies • Imaginary Conversation Strategy • Enter every situation in the verbal battlefield with an open mind • Observe “what is” • Take a moment to pick your strategy • Silent, expressionless, blank stare • The look of Disgust Strategy • Go ahead and defend yourself Verbal Defense Strategies • Naked Truth Strategy • Let it Go-Breathe & Blow Strategy • Calm, Calculating, Questioning Strategy – Like Columbo • Naked Truth Strategy • “The Joke’s on You” – Funny Bone Strategy • Love ‘Em Up Strategy • Gentle-Toned Name Repetition Verbal Defense Strategy • • • • • Hush-Hush Strategy Let the Baby Have Her Bottle Strategy “What’s Good About You” Strategy Mirroring the Foe Strategy “Give them hell & Yell Strategy Bully proofing yourself • Recruit one’s family’s help right from the beginning • Identify allies • Separate Work/Social Boundaries • Boundaries & Defenses Avoid Spineless Flexibility Maintain your boundaries in the face of power Recognize Unhealthy Work Boundaries You have a right to Privacy Hard & Soft Strategies The Yang and Yin - Robert Mueller, JD • Usually hard strategies are not recommended • A fresh bouquet of flowers • Being opaque – maneuver quietly into the corners of workplace power, discovering supporters • Let co-workers figure out for themselves that the Bullying Boss in the literature is their own Hard & Soft Strategies The Yang and Yin - Robert Mueller, JD • “The Story” is always counterproductive politically • Do use note probable trajectories and cards on a table • Convert “The Story” into a strategic plan • “Timing is everything” The Yang & Yin • Restroom Retreats • During aggravated confrontations, don’t engage • If need be, define the “abuse” or “bullying” out loud for all to hear • Obey now & grieve later • Wrap yourself in the employer’s mission • Minimize flow of information to a Bullying Boss • Do make contact with co-workers. Be authentic. The Yang & Yin • Do not send angry e-mails, put it in your file • Some info must be shared • Circumspect Speech (anonymous postings, distributions, or droppings of literature. Nicknames can be powerful Bully proofing Yourself • Be cognizant of any distorted thinking patterns you may use so we do not undermine yourself overgeneralization global labeling filtering polarized thinking catastrophizing personalization mind reading illusion of control emotional reasoning Bully proofing Yourself • Avoid self blame • Know when to get professional help • Change the conversation you have with yourself to take the focus off the difficult person & put it on you • Stand your ground and send out a “Don’t even think about it” attitude • Brainstorm responses and role-play Self –Help books • Managing Your Mind: The Mental Fitness Guide by Gillian Butler and Tony Hope • The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns • Work Abuse: How to Recognize & Survive It by Judith Wyatt & Chauncey Hare Bullying is status-blind harassment • Sexual harassment is illegal & actionable in court. Must prove the victim’s rights have been violated. The victim must be a member of a “protected status” group. • In the U.S. there are 7 civil rights-protected status groups (gender & race are the most prominent) • Bullying happens when harassment is same gender or same-race or when the bully enjoys potential legal protection because he or she is a member of a statusprotected group • Most bullying involves same-gender harassment (6 1%) Identify & Evaluate Your Options Evaluate culture of the Workplace • Healthy or toxic???? • Toxic = bully is admired, widespread anger & frustration, dysfunctional meetings & relationships, scapegoats are found to take the blame, dysfunctional processes, meaningless solutions from ineffective management, worsening morale TOXIC WORKPLACE A toxic work environment usually begins at the top, either through negligence or lack of character and integrity, usually stemming from a naive discounting of the importance of how employees are treated. Strategies for Taking A Stand • Decide if you will fight back • “I am MAD as hell and won’t be bullied anymore!” (Attitude) • Selective Silence • Say Nothing. ”There’s power in numbers”. Strategies for Taking A Stand • When you are ignoring, look directly at the bully. When he starts mouthing off, just stare at him/her. • Say Something • Seek help from friends • Walk (or Run) Away Workplace bullying can be invisible • Are you surprised that no one can see widespread bullying but you? In this distorted reality, all common sense seems displaced by the almost magical power of a charismatic workplace bully DON’T • Believe the insults about you • Overestimate how much power a bully has over you. • Be afraid to think of new ways to solve the conflict • Believe you deserve to be picked on. • Don’t retaliate! • Do not ruminate Stages of fighting • • • • Stage 1: Becoming aware Stage 2: Performing diagnosis Stage 3: Preparing to fight Stage 4: Fighting back Basic levels of response • • • • • Gentle: Ignore bullying Active: Confirm bullying Assertive: Respond with skill Aggressive: Use with caution! Vicious: Not recommended! Your Style in Fighting Back • • • • • • Calm, cool and collected Honest, sincere and positive Simple, powerful communication Humor Lighten up Adopt a Sumo Wrestler’s Tactics to Battle Back Strategies for Taking a Stand • Cognitive Rehearsal (Griffin,2004) Remember • Bullies are Inadequate, Defective, & Poorly Developed People • Targets are Empathetic, Just, & Fair People Choices of Actions • Negotiate with the offender, attempt to work it out Don’t provoke Don’t expect to “win” • Plan an escape Resign Move on • Work around offender • Rise above the situation • Disclose Whistle-blowing • Fight with legal means • Violence is not an option! Individualized Responses to Different Bully Types • The Competitive Bully – wants what someone else has • The openly hostile bully –likes to control others through fear • Thrill seeking bully – likes to stir up trouble for entertainment value • Self-absorbed (narcissistic) • Personality-disordered bullies – difficulty with honest concern for others, only want what they want • Psychopathic bullies Bullies can be Categorized by their tactics - Namie • The Screaming Mimi Use Silent Mantra find vulnerable spot Journal • Constant Critic use humor, deep breath, “Thank Goodness, My life would not be complete without this person’s criticism” Get a 2nd opinion Ask for support Bullies can be Categorized by their tactics - Namie • Two-Headed Snake 1. The “Backstabber” snake 2. The “Jekyll & Hyde” snake 3. The “No Problem, Don’t Bother” snake Enlist supporters Stay calm and emotionally in control Be clear you will not tolerate or cooperate with misleading/dishonest statements Keep repeating what you consider unacceptable behavior & what you will or will not do Bullies can be Categorized by their tactics - Namie • The Gatekeeper Plan a discussion away from the office Expect resistance & awkwardness Timing is everything • Opportunistic Bully = the climbers ingratiation by the academics * Substance-Abusing Bullies Types of Bullies • Obvious Bully Easily triggered Pushy obnoxious micromanaging control freak arrogant self-righteous know-it-all • Covert Clever Bully Very subtle, betrays, mind games gamesmanship, half truths, creates chaos STRATEGIZE & Journal • What are some of the reasons I have to feel good about myself • Explore existing friendships • In what way do I play the role of a bully victim? • Have I really tried to stop someone from bullying me? What strategies did I try? Did any work? What payoff did I get? • What have I used in the past? • What other strategies can I try? Strategies • • • • • Staying alert to a workplace bully Anticipate his next move Don’t let your guard down Don’t be sidetracked by a bully’s words When you are tempted to let your guard down, consider his driving ambition • Always be ready with your defense; he may target you when you least expect it Basic failsafe response by Dave Chapman • The most reliable response is also the most simple: interrupt him and walk away. After you have both calmed down, you can return to face the bully. • It is best to choose a single phrase, one that fits your likely situation. You can make it very simple and abrupt, such as: • “Will you excuse me? I’m going to get a drink of water.” • “Excuse me, but I need to go to the restroom.” • “Pardon me; I need to make a phone call.” • But if he yells again, excuse yourself and abruptly leave. Basic failsafe response by Dave Chapman • To avoid coming across too harshly, use variety in your phrasing of the question “why” “And why is that?” “Why do you believe that?” “How come?” “But why?” “What’s underlying that?” Basic Failsafe Approach by Dave Chapman • Another approach is to just smile and act amused, then excuse yourself and walk away. This will convey to a bully that you have no interest in hearing anything more from him on that particular topic. For example, grin and say calmly: “Maybe you’re right. Will you excuse me?” • Then turn and walk away, without waiting to see his reaction. If he screams obscenities or threatens you as you leave the room, just keep walking and say: “Sorry, I need to leave,” without looking back. Basic Failsafe Response by Dave Chapman • You can also include a suggestion that you meet the bully at some other time • “I’m headed out to lunch, but we can talk later.” • “I have to go now, but let’s get together later.” • “I want to hear you out, but first I need to finish something.” • “Excuse me; I need to go. Let’s finish this later.” Basic failsafe response by Dave Chapman • If he calms down, you can suggest a specific meeting or lunch to fully discuss his comments. For example: • “I want to get this resolved. Can we meet later to talk about it?” • If he says yes, you can ask: • “How about four this afternoon?” Aggressive failsafe response by Dave Chapman • you repeatedly ask “Why?” Use some variation in wording, and occasionally use full phrases to sound more conversational. • Focus your questions specifically on discovering his underlying thoughts and intentions. For example, if he yells that you failed him, you can ask: “Excuse me, but why do you think I failed you?” • Listen intently to his responses, and then phrase your next question accordingly. Aggressive Failsafe Response by Dave Chapman • Mix up your questions with a simple statement that demonstrates your confusion and curiosity. This will encourage him to expound on his thinking “I don’t understand what you’re getting at.” “Please help me understand what you’re trying to say.” Become an Expert in Failsafe Responses • Failsafe responses are needed at the most intense moments of dealing with a bully • Choose one or two basic phrases & practice them “Excuse me; I need to go. Let’s finish this later.” • Give your co-workers a knowing smile and walk away, unbullied Primary Responses to Bullying • • • • • • Interrupting Questioning Paraphrasing Resolving the issue Humorous responses Avoiding mistakes Learn to interrupt a Bully • • • • Bullies count on politeness in others Are you worried about coming across as rude? You can use polite phrasing, “Excuse me,” Don’t feel any need to hold back out of consideration for his feelings • Say his name. Look him right in the eyes. Speak clearly in a strong, steady voice. Repeat his name, without glancing away, until he stops talking Learn to Interrupt • If he continues talking? Or even yelling? Continue repeating his name, with the exact same tone of voice, over and over again. In the very rare case he persists in talking (or yelling), say his name louder and louder. At some point--perhaps just to get you to shut up--he will be forced to stop speaking. He may look at you and angrily say: “WHAT?” • Also: “Wait!” “Wait a second!” “Hold on!” “Hey, wait a minute!” “Take a breath!” You achieve greater impact by using his name, such as: “Hold on, ___. Take a breath!” Interrupting • Take control with questions • As soon as the bully stops talking, ask him a question. That will give you control of the conversation (at least for the moment). Make your question brief. If he interrupts you before you finish, stop what you were saying and exclaim firmly: • “Excuse me, but I’m not finished.” • Repeat that phrase until he stops talking. For greater impact, include his name. Interrupting • When interrupting a bully in front of others, there is always a higher risk of a harsh reaction. If this occurs, concentrate on maintaining a calm appearance (no matter how you feel inside). This will stand in stark contrast to his agitated, negative, verbally destructive nature. • In fact, your confrontation could expose the imbalanced nature of an out-of-control bully. In that case, the bully may trigger his own termination. Upper management rarely commits to such verbally violent people. Questioning • Turn the tables on the bully and use questions to regain control. • First, set the tone: Be calm and direct • Listen carefully to his responses. They will give you clues about what to ask next • Look him in the eye. Don’t let him back down • Ask more questions if he falters Questioning • • • • • Why do you think that? What would result if we did that? What effect would that have? How do you think things would be different? When do you propose we start? Why? • Who should be involved? • What should happen if this approach fails? Questioning • Convert bullying to conversations • Sample attack and response The bully unleashes a verbal assault on your job performance. If it’s a tirade, you may need to use a failsafe response. Otherwise, wait for his assault to come to an end & then respond Questioning Allow some silence to settle around the bully’s words. This simple act shows you were paying attention, and that you’re calm enough to thoughtfully respond (which is much better than displaying panic as you rush to defend yourself). Then ask a simple, direct question, such as asking him to clarify his attack: “Can you explain what you meant by ___?” Questioning • When he responds to your initial question, listen carefully for a key word or phrase that represents the essence of his complaint. Then use that word or phrase to ask another question. • At some point, you may get to the bottom of his attack. Then you can respond with a clear statement “Now I see why you were concerned. I’ll be more careful in the future.” Questioning • He may run out of patience and insist on ending the conversation or changing the subject. At that point, you can either drop it or suggest another time to work things out. • As long as he is answering your questions-even when he is evasive--you can continue interviewing him until he responds clearly. Even better, use paraphrasing in combination with your questions. Paraphrasing • put the essence of his thinking into your own words, as concisely as possible. Then ask him to confirm your paraphrase Don’t get distracted “Let me be sure I heard you right.” “Let me make sure I understand you.” “I’d like to understand your point.” Paraphrazing Then start your paraphrase by saying: “Are you saying ___?” “So you think ___?” So you believe that ___?” “So you feel that I’m ___?” “Why do you think ____?” “How would ____ lead to ____?” Paraphrasing After you paraphrase him, you can ask: “Is that how you feel?” “Is that what you mean?” “Is that your point?” “Do I understand you correctly?” “Is that what you were trying to say?” • If he responds in the negative, ask him more questions until he clarifies his thinking Act to Resolve an Issue • When complex, take it step-by-step. • Ask for his cooperation: “Can we talk about this?” “Can we try to figure out a way to resolve this?” • Ask him to suggest a possible solution. Listen carefully to his response • Once you’re on the same wavelength as the bully, make a decision on how to resolve the issue • State your intention to the bully. If appropriate, obtain his agreement on specific actions that you will both take, such as: “Do you want to call the client, and I’ll go tell the staff?” • End the conversation and leave Humorous Responses • To use this approach, look for contradictions and absurdities in a bully’s attacks or mannerisms. Make a subtle remark or ask a question that highlights the humorous aspect. • Mock his innuendo • Act amused • Avoid sarcasm • Even satire has its risks • Mock his criticisms Technique not in the Literature Humorous Responses • It’s always better to laugh at yourself • A more tactful approach--and a highly effective use of humor--is to laugh at yourself • Be sincere in your self-reproach • Don’t be afraid to make fun of yourself in front of others • If the bully accuses you of false humility, you can respond: “No way! I’m very proud of my humility. It’s one of my best qualities.” Things to avoid in your technique • • • • Don’t be defensive Don’t be timid Don’t be fooled Don’t stoop to his level Advanced Techniques • • • • • • Absorb his attack Subdue him Give a controlled response Handle objections Deal with continued aggression Calmly disengage Insulted in Public? Unmask the Bully! • Take a deep breath and allow yourself time to process the comment. Recognize the insult for what it is—and is not • Allow silence to form around the bully’s words • Ask the bully direct questions, such as “What makes you think that?” “How do you see that quality in my action?” • Use the “broken record technique,” that is, repeat your questions until the bully responds • State your question firmly and with confidence Unmask the Bully – Strategy #2 • Repeat the attack in your own words (paraphrase) and ask, “Is this what you mean?” • Ask the bully to tell you specifically what you did and ask for a possible solution, for example, “Can you be more specific…?” • State what you will do to implement the solution. • If the bully persists with another “helpful” suggestion or attack, clearly state again what you’re willing to do and end the conversation Confronting the Gossiper • Isolate the person. Find a place and time that you can talk to the bully/spreader of gossip, alone. • “I have reason to believe you’re gossiping about me, and I’d like you to stop” • Stop talking Witness Paralysis • Abilene Paradox • Catastrophizing = People’s overblown negative fantasies • Groupthink • Dissonance • Co-workers side with the Bully, the Aggressor • Winners Take All-Targets are Losers • Fear suppresses Action YOU CAN HELP AS A WITNESS • To Thrive, Bullies Require Secrecy Shame Silent Witnesses You Can Stop Them Cut Off Their Life Support You Can Help • If you are aware of bullying in the workplace and do not take action, then you are accepting a share of the responsibility for any future abuses. This means that witnesses of bullying behavior should be encouraged to report any such incidences 3 Action Steps to Stop Bullying • Name it! Legitimize Yourself! • Seek Respite, Take Time Off put self back together Check physical health Check to see if your rights as an employee were violated Gather data about the economic impact the bully has had on the employer • Expose the Bully EXPOSE THE BULLY • Finalize the business case that the bully is “too expensive to keep” • Rehearse you 15 to 30 min. presentation • Deliver your presentation • Going to management directly is a high-risk, possibly high-cost move with generally predictable zero results (Mueller) The Target’s Declaration of Needs & Wants signals the end of Target hood to all past & Future Bullies • Clarify what you want Rules for Requests 1. Try to get the other person to agree on a convenient time & place for discussion 2. Keep your requests small to avoid resistance from the bully 3. Keep request simple, 1-2 items 4. Don’t attack the other person. Use “I messages”. Be objective (factual). Moderate tone. 5. Be Specific 6. Use assertive words & high-esteem body language 7. Practice, practice, practice! Namie Clarify What You Want • • • • • From I Want When Where With My Boss is a Bully My Boss is a Bully • • • • • • • • Recognize the enemy Join Forces Nip it in the bud No excuses Talk in private/Avoid one-on-one encounters? Avoid psychobabble & focus on specifics Practice being in a Zen-like state Never tolerate a bully boss—even if you have to quit. by Peggy Klaus My Boss is a Bully • Let him/her know in writing that you cannot give proper attention to all of the assignments • Leave on time • Get it in Writing • Send he/she memo’s & keep a copy • Put everything in the memo • Be Polite, but persistent • Do your job, & do it well, but live your life My Boss is a Bully -Valerie Cade • Absorb her attack. • Calm her by speaking in a low but self-confident tone • Physically stand your ground. Do not back away. “Own” your space • Show her that you understand her immediate problem and what she wants • With your voice, tone and body language, show her that you don’t take her attack personally My Boss is a Bully • Use the force of the bully’s attack to subdue her • Ask her to restate her main point • Ask for her relevant opinions and suggested solutions • Listen actively. Paraphrase her ideas and ask follow-up questions • Stand up to the bully; offer her choices that you can live with My Boss is a Bully • Give a meaningful response • Let her know you want to help her, if possible • Stand your ground. Control your voice and tone • Summarize the situation and options Use the same terminology and phrases as the bully My Boss is a Bully • Finally, respond effectively to the bully’s objections • Give your conclusions. Tell the bully what you’re going to do • Restate your own intentions • Describe the bully’s options again • Explain the benefits and problems of each option • Ask the bully to make a simple choice Help is found??? • The emotional Stages of Being Bullying 1. Victimhood 2. Power surge-The Workmen’s comp/disability/EEO Complaint system is discovered. You are told @ favorable jury awards & large settlements 3. Vulnerability 4. Isolation & Abandonment 5. Anger 6. Resolution Your Readiness to Confront • Should you fight back? 1) There can be a cost to your health 2) the toll vicious defensive employers can impose 3) economic losses Why You Should Fight Back • Be Bully proof first • To Satisfy your need for fairness and doing the right thing (Equity & Justice for All) • Being able to move on with your personal dignity intact (Moving On With Dignity) Tools for fighting • • • • • • • Uncover true meaning and intentions Don’t let him steamroll you Handle him in meetings Have fun at his expense Adopt a strong posture Less is more “Interesting” Silence is okay Uncover True Intention • • • • Force clarification Reveal subtle attacks Clarify the issue Diffuse the monologues CLARIFY Clarify by paraphrasing her statement. To paraphrase, you re-state what she said in your own words “Is this what you’re saying?” (Paraphrase) “Did I hear you correctly?” (Paraphrase) “Let me be sure I heard you correctly. Is this what you mean?” (Paraphrase) Clarifying the Issue • Aggressively question the bully. Bullies don’t cut their targets any slack. Targets shouldn’t go easy on bullies either • Keep the bully off guard • Ask questions rapidly. You don’t have to be “fair” to the bully and give her time to answer • Cut the bully off and ask another question to further keep her off balance Clarifying the Issue • Bullies love presuppositions • “If you really cared about the company, you would ___.” • You can respond forcefully by saying: • “When did you start thinking that I didn’t care about the company?” • Keep a workplace bully from clouding the issue Clarifying • Ignoring distractions “That’s an interesting topic, but can we deal with it another day?” “I’m not sure we should pursue that right now. Can we get back to ____?” “We were talking about ___. Were we done?” Clarifying the issue • Issue at hand “That’s not how I remember it; but even so, don’t we need to look at ___?” “I’m not sure I understand your vision of the future, but shouldn’t we focus on the current situation instead?” “All I know is that the situation today is ____.” (Then ask a question.) Clarifying • Move the meeting forward “Let’s not get caught up in that issue right now. How should we solve the problem of ___?” “Let’s not keep rehashing the past and guessing about the future. What should we do now?” Clarifying “I know we all want to move on to the next topic, but we haven’t come up with any solutions for ___. What do you think we should do?” • Or if the bully is the only one who has offered a solution: “I’ve heard ___’s solution, but what about everyone else? Are there any other suggestions? “___’s solution may be the way to go on this, but shouldn’t we consider some other options before making a decision?” How to diffuse a workplace bully’s monologues • • • • Interruptions aren’t allowed! Using his monologue to expose him Aggressively interrupt him Ask a very pointed question about his unfair criticism, presupposition, misrepresentation or deception How to Diffuse a bully’s monologues • Stop his wandering “That’s interesting and we can talk about that later, but what do you think about ___?” “I’m sorry to cut you off, but we’re almost out of time here. Can we finish talking about ___?” “You’ve added several things I don’t understand, but can we finish talking about ___?” Act Confused • “I’ve very confused by what you’re saying. What’s your main point?” • “You’ve totally confused me. What point are you trying to make?” • “You’ve lost me. What are you trying to say?” • “You’ve lost me again. What’s your main point?” Act Confused • You can also take a more aggressive approach, with the intention of changing the rhythm of the entire meeting. However, these phrases may embarrass the bully, so use them with caution. For example: • “I’m confused. What are we trying to accomplish here?” • “I’m having trouble following this conversation. What are you talking about?” • “Is there anyone here who understands what he is saying?” • “I don’t have time for this. What’s your point?” Don’t Be Steamrolled • • • • Don’t allow yourself to be interrupted Repeat yourself until he responds Don’t let him change the subject Ask Questions to keep control Handle the Bully in Meetings • Don’t allow yourself to be interrupted • Repeat yourself until he responds • Don’t let him change the subject • Ask questions to keep control “Hold on a minute. I want to hear your opinion on ___.” “We can pursue that later, but first I want to hear more of your thoughts on ___.” Handle the Bully at Meetings • Instead of speaking first, try speaking late in the meeting. Talk after the bully has spoken at length. Once you have the floor, say, “I have some opinions on the subject, but first I want to correct (the bully’s name) incorrect statements.” • Don’t let a bully interrupt you. You’ve been a good listener to others—that puts you in a good position to expect others to listen, including the bully. • If the bully interrupts you, interrupt him and say authoritatively: “I’d like to finish, please.” “I listened to you. Please give me the common courtesy to hear what I have to say.” (Then wait in silence for a moment before proceeding.) “I have a few points to cover. Then you can speak again—if you’d like.” Handling the Bully at Meetings • If the bully tries to leave the meeting, use the same comments as if he interrupted you. If he leaves anyway, comment on his inappropriate behavior: “Too bad he left. He didn’t hear about the incorrect data he used.” Say, curiously, “I wonder why he left?” • Stand your ground. Stand up Have Fun At the Expense of the Bully Use with Caution! • • • • • • • • • Act mildly amused by his antics Mock his angry outbursts Compliment his bullying behavior Put words in his mouth Mimic or mock his negativity Mock his criticism of you Use sarcasm (Not recommended!) Say something abrupt or outrageous Tell him you love your job Using Humor with Bullies • Smile as you repeat the office bully’s words. Show you are in control by acting amused. Have a confident stance • Identify the fallacy in a bully’s criticism, and point it out, using a light-hearted tone • If you’re sure of your facts and behavior, mock your own shortcomings. Make them larger than they are, in contrast to the bully’s arrogance Adopt a strong posture • Just say no • Give a strong speech • Suggest ending the relationship Weapons Against… • • • • • Threats Harassment Ridicule Aggressive body language Rumor-mongering Weapons Against… • Ridicule • Aggressive body language • Rumor-mongering Friendly fighting • • • • Ignore the bullying Dismiss the bullying Seek to understand the bully Give a friendly speech Moderate response • Just say no • Put him off • Confront him privately Powerful response to a highly aggressive bully • • • • • Encourage him to open up Question underlying thinking Offer meaningless apology Force him to make meaningful point Force him to explain behaviors Powerful Response to a Highly Aggressive Bully • • • • • Criticize him openly Tell him you recognize his bullying nature Tell him to leave you alone Imply something is wrong with him Imply he is a good person Make your own choices • Don’t feel you are alone • You can choose not to let the bully bother you, you can choose to fight back, or you can choose to leave the company. Even doing nothing and being a victim is a choice (though not a very good one). • Fighting back against workplace bullying may last weeks or months, or even years in some highly competitive industries where bullying is widespread How to Diffuse (cont) • You can also focus a workplace bully through specific questioning, such as: “Excuse me, but how is that relevant to our current discussion?” “Help me here for a minute.” (Then ask a question.) “Are you saying ___ (paraphrase)?” Advice from Veterans of Bullying Wars • Take a Stand & get the help you need to confront the bully • Fight back from the beginning • Realize that the bully is really a coward • Tell others that you trust what is happening • Build support & get ready to confront • Do not take any crap from anyone • Keep records of the bullying events RULE # 1 Do not attempt Bully Busting unless and until you are bully proof 3 Bully Busting Approaches • Trust the internal grievance procedures & comply with union requirements, if present?? • Hire an Attorney • Mount an internal, informed campaign to the top, outside normal channels, seeking justice Legally Speaking • There is no law in any US state against workplace bullying. No lawyers specialize in it. There are a few laws against cruelty against humans in general. Only “disadvantaged “people deserve protection. • Filing a lawsuit leads to predictable retaliation, financial expense, & risk of worsening emotional damage • The justice you seek can rarely be achieved in a courtroom • You may feel let down by the attorney’s opinion Options • • • • www.ecoc.gov/facts/fs-fed.html www.mspb.gov/foia/forms-pub/quappeal.html Each state has an equal opportunity dept FMLA of 1993 = 12 wks leave in a 12 mo. period for “serious health condition: of employee or child, spouse, or parent • A few states make short term disability available. • Manager may not harass you while on disability • If terminated file for unemployment benefits Ultimately • Employees can only escape Bully rule mongering when either the Bullying Boss or they leave • But by becoming expert in the workplace rules, Warriors acquire defensive shields against bullying while also gaining expertise useful as offensive swords • The Warrior becomes capable of measuring the irrationally of their Bully’s conduct against the clear standards afforded by businesslike rules CONGRATULATIONS! • Whether you resigned or were fired you are away from your bully and out of a toxic environment • You’re ready to begin again! Go Digging • • • • • • • Among co-workers & Superiors Google.com & yahoo.com Bn.com & amazon.com Library search for Articles Lexus Nexus County Court Clerk’s office County Recorder’s Office Key Words to explore • • • • • • Industry Employer CEO or Director A key Manager or 2 A key customer/client or several Bullying Boss How to Find an Attorney • Ask if attorney represents primarily plaintiffs or mostly defends corporations & employees www.nela.org • Need discrimination for a case • Avoid a law firm if there is conflict of interest • Get permission from federal EEOC before you can hire a private attorney Finding an Attorney • Ask how they want to be contacted • Demand experience, ask for their success rate, ask for referrals from satisfied clients • Ask for an itinerary of how & when you will be prepared for your deposition ( or will you be left to devise your own strategy • Ask about regular case updates • An assessment of time available for your case given current caseload Finding a Good Attorney • Results: % of claims settled (at what stage) % cases gone to trial & results Ave. monetary award won for clients with similar cases • Willingness to accept case on contingency vs retainer & fees as you go • Can attorney recommend another attorney? Finding an Attorney • • • • • www.abanet.org = Am Bar Assoc www.alllaw.com = law firm websites www.the-eld.com = will match lawyer www.findlaw.com =location & specific practice www.lawyers.com = data base & “ask an attorney • www.,myemployment-lawyer.com • www.workplacelawyer.com Mount an Internal, Informal Campaign • Seek advice from medical practitioners using your health plan • Solicit Witness Statements • Confront the Bully • File the internal complaint OPTION = Mediation 1. Decide what you want from mediation 2. Develop a list of mediators www.mediate.com / state bar assoc/National Association for Community Mediation 3. Assess mediator’s training, knowledge, experience 4. Interview mediators with regard to ethics, confidentiality, logistics, cost 5. Evaluate information & make a decision Worker’s Compensation • • • • Difficult Almost always need to hire an attorney Usually stress-related claims Whether claim proved successful or not, it can haunt one during search for a new job Preparing of the Case Against the Bully • • • • • • • • Search for code violations Identify Allies Use Rule of Two Revise your documentation Make a liability-focused case against the bully Introduce “Employment Practices Liability” Estimate the dollar value of downtime Risk of losing reputation & credibility Clarify your expectations The Complete Demand • Include an organizational solution ensuring your safety & health • Request a cash value for damages and personal restoration if you stay • Request a severance package for damages & restoration, if you are the one to leave A Safety & Health Solution • A transfer? • Insist that all time off privileges be restored • Refuse to stay unless your next report of bullying results in the bully’s immediate dismissal • You agree to stay under certain conditions Cash for Damages & Personal Restoration • Affix a dollar value to the pain & suffering without referring to it in those terms. • Design you severance Package include: a clean recommendation a transition period of a determined length damages restoration expenses The “Rule of 2” Meeting presenting your case • Be prepared for two meetings • Meeting with the Senior Manager • The Bully’s Tribunal Meeting with Senior Manager • Schedule a one hour meeting • Ask Senior Manager to invite the director of risk management to attend. • Have representative with you. • Thank them for attending. • Have an agenda • Present your case in chronological manner • Begin with a brief portrayal ( @ 2 min.) of the work world before the bully arrived. Meeting (cont.) • Tell specifically how he/she disrupted normalcy for everyone. Use abbreviated list of actions, dates, & triggering events ( about 10 min). • Emphasize impact on outsiders who were appalled by the conduct. • Detail the liability risks she poses. (10 min.) • Keep appealing to satisfying the organization’s broader needs • Listen for senior manager’s response • Repeat risks that seem important Meeting • Manager will ask you bluntly what you propose they do. State you believe that employees deserve a safe workplace, one that ensures physical and psychological safety. Discuss Vision & mission. • Ask to have the bully disciplined & moved • If above is rejected, then wait for them to offer you a transfer. • State your conditions to approve a transfer • Give your deadline for action The Bully’s Tribunal • Announce the meeting to all participants separately • Make it a public meeting with witnesses in addition to the Bully and the Target • It’s your agenda. Keep it vague • Have clearly defined, specific outcome expectations • Hold the meeting at a site neutral or uncomfortable for the bully • Record the meeting with deliberate redundancy Bully’s Tribunal (cont.) • Compel the Senior Manager to attend • Present your carefully prepared case as you did to the senior Manager, only be briefer • Emphasize code or policy violations • Do not threaten legal action unless approved by your attorney • Call witnesses • Turn to the senior manager for a decision • Be clear that you are holding the employer responsible for the bully’s misconduct Bully’s Tribunal (cont.) • Ideally bully will be disciplined according to a progressive system already in place • Sanctions or termination should be the consequence when subsequent violations are reported • Make HR the implementers of the contract & that HR has to act if bullying is reported again • Ensure written permanent immunity from retaliation & protection from future harm Taking Your Case Public Speaking Out or Not • When meetings do not produce results or management refuses to meet at all • Can use 3 possible public audiences 1. Customers 2. the organization’s governing Board of Director’s 3. the general public, reachable via media Bullyinginstitute.org Complete the “On Record” form Whistleblower Checklist by Tom Devine • Make memorandums for a record of every bullying incident • Identify & copy all necessary supporting documents like organizational, work performance documents, medical/mental health records. • Create a larger support circle that consists of others who will benefit from blowing the whistle on bullying • Seek help from specialist • Learn how to navigate the legal landscape via an Attorney who is familiar with whistle blowing. Whistleblower Checklist • Whistleblowers must develop survival strategies to cope with the almost certain prospect of having all their own faults, errors, & dirty laundry exposed to discredit them. • Examine motivation for whistle blowing • Consider trying to work within the system before going public • Whistleblowers should consult their families before going public • Keep a detailed record of all events before & after the whistle is sounded. Speaking Out or Not • 1st thing people think of doing is going to the press. “If they don’t get rid of that guy, I’m going to ‘60 Minutes’”. Horrible things do happen to good people all day, but that is not the definition of news. -Mueller Moving On, Up or Out • WBTI Research says… Targets Bear Brunt of Stomping the Bullying 11% of Targets transferred within the same employer 38% left voluntarily to stop further health damage 44% were terminated using employer-controlled methods In only 7% of cases was the bully censured, transferred, or terminated Namie To leave or to stay -David Hurd • Do a cost-benefit analysis on a 2 column sheet • Targets underestimate the consequences for their health • Leaving with dignity seems to quicken the healing process • Arrange for a + references & a great letter • Write your own letter of recommendation & make the employer sign it before you leave. • Use a Documented Reference Check to verify compliance To Leave or To Stay -David Hurd • Warn the bully and all bully supporters, including HR, that they are to provide the next employer with dates of employment only or face legal action • Know the Law regarding Defamation of Character www.bullyinginstitute.org Worst-Case Scenerio • Launch a Pre-emptive Strike about your version of the bullying fiasco at the interview for the next job • Review your record of bullying incidents and the response by the employer. Consider legal Action against the company. Options for Mobbing • • • • • Analyze what is actually going on Attempt to work it out Bear with it, protect yourself, & use survival strategies Plan an escape. Resign with or without a new job. Fight with legal means while still on the job or soon after • Disclose – whistle-blowing • Engage in positive action that uses your experience to help eliminate future mobbing situations Survival Strategies • • • • • Figured out what actually was going on Responded to attacks with confidence & without fear Did not participate in the game that was inflicted on them Refused to be a victim Displayed a great deal of spiritual & mental strength & trusted things would change. • Consciously took steps to leave • Diverted their energies to other pursuits they enjoyed & did not invest their creativity in the organization Mobbing by Davenport, et al, p. 105 Strategies • • • • Document diligently Find an attorney Mediated settlement Recovering & moving forward Mobbing by Davenport, et al, p.114 Survival Strategies -Mobbing by Davenport • • • • • • Go through grieving consciously Believe in the value of change Do not isolate yourself Seek out support of friends and family Have a pet Be with people & do things you love MOBBING • Use your existing skills in another context, volunteering, part-time job • Learn a new skill • Stop “victim” thoughts • Make a plan • Have faith Mobbing by Davenport, et al p. 106 Survival Strategies - Mueller • • • • Find a full richness of life outside work’s walls Your spouse/partner as a support “Touching the Market” Take “sick leave” and vacations Some Stay & gave these rationales - Pearson & Porath, p. 166 • • • • • • • To protect my own image No chance of improvement Too risky Cosmic Justice Company will deal with it Apathy towards offender Part of job requirement ‘Wrong Timing Survival Strategies • Some read the Bible, the Koran, Torah, or the writings of scholars & prophets • Communicate with the offender via phone or e-mail rather than face-to-face • Stay off committees or teams that include the offender • Avoid meeting with the offender alone • Reframe your own thinking • Grow • Choose to leave or stay • Use humor Humorous self help books • “How to Work for an Idiot: Survive & Thrive Without Killing Your Boss” by John Hoover • “Dealing With Difficult People: How to Deal With Nasty Customers, Demanding Bosses, & Annoying Co-Workers” by Roberta Cava Making a Graceful & Practical Exit • Take This Job & Shove It • Consider your financial situation & try to time your exit accordingly • Create a list of necessary expenditures & possible sources of temporary income • Try not to leave abruptly without an exit plan, but if you have to go, then go • Muster all your marketable skills • Prior to your departure, polish your resume & reference letters Job Checklist • Determine your eligibility for SS benefits, VA benefits, unemployment payments, and Workers’ comp benefits • Give notice to you employer, even if he or she is the bully • When negotiating your exit, if your employer asks you to sign a nondisclosure agreement which contains an agreement not to file a lawsuit against him/her strongly consider this. Exit Checklist • Consult Credit counselor to consolidate your debts at a reduced payment • You may need to obtain credit hours in your desired field through a college or technical • Use up all your sick days & vacation time; go job hunting while you are away. • Never discuss with a potential employer what you suffered Exit Interview? • • • • Not useful to employee Do not share any info with HR Do not sign anything Remain polite or better yet, skip the event Target’s Survival Plan • Take control over events, even if you are the only person who knows you are in control. Shake off the bully’s power over you • View yourself as a Workplace Warrior, not a victim • Give ownership of the bully’s behavior to him, not to you Survival Strategies • Namie & Namie’s positions: Sacrifice your health & sanity for a paycheck? It simply does not add up. Organizations can outgun, outlast, delay, lie, & distort the truth • Mueller’s position: He who names a thing owns it. Workplace Warrior’s can call bullying by its name, face it down, & recapture their own power, shaking off the bully’s power Other Positions • Shapiro & Jankowski’s: There is an antidote for bullies. It is possible to beat them without joining them or becoming a weak pushover • Sutton: Change your mindset about what is happening to you. Avoid self-blame. • Develop indifference & emotional detachment toward the bully Cognitive Rehearsal & Cue Cards -Griffin 2004 • Nonverbal Innuendo (raising eyebrows, etc) “I sense from you’re your facial expression that there may be something you wanted to say to me. It’s okay to speak to speak to me directly.” • Verbal Affront (snide remarks, lack of openness) “The individuals I learn the most from are clearer in their directions and feedback.” • Sabotage (deliberately setting up negative situation) “There is more to this situation than meets the eye. Could you and I meet in private and explore what happened?” Cue Cards for Responses • Undermining Activities ( unavailable, turning away) “When something happens that is ‘different’ or ‘contrary’ to what I understand, it leaves me with questions. Help me to understand how this situation may have happened.” • Withholding information “It is my understanding that there was (is) more information available regarding the situation, and I believe if I had known that (more), it would (will) affect how I learn.” Cue Cards for Responses Griffin (2004) • Infighting (bickering with peers) “Always avoid unprofessional discussions in nonprivate places. This is not the time or the place. Please stop (physically walk away or move to a neutral spot).” • Scapegoating (attributing all that goes wrong to one individual) “I don’t think that is the right connection.” • Backstabbing (complaining to others about someone instead of talking to him/her) “I don’t feel right talking about him/her/the situation when I wasn’t there or don’t know the facts. Have you spoken to him/her?” Cue Cards for Responses -Griffin 2004 • Failure to respect privacy “It bothers me to talk about this without his/her permission. I only overheard that. It shouldn’t be repeated.” • Broken Confidences “Wasn’t that said in confidence? That sounds like information that should remain confidential. He/she asked be to keep that confidential.” N.I.C.E. system • It enables targets to know how to respond to bullies before a difficult encounter rather than reacting on impulse • It assists targets in using new, effective, and nondefensive habits when dealing with a bullying situation • It helps targets understand what they did correctly of ineffectively so they may learn from successes & failures without repeating them N.I.C.E. • N = Neutralize your emotions • I = Identify your bully’s type 1. make situations difficult 2. believe being unreasonable is effective 3. have embedded personality characteristics or disorders • C = Control the encounter • E = Explore options Sutton’s Tips for Surviving in a “ProAsshole” Organization • Millions of workers are trapped in organizations where the “pro-asshole” conditions apply, normally for financial reasons Sutton’s Survival Tips • Avoid self blame • Maintain emotional detachment from the bully’s abusive tirades • Develop “learned optimism”. • View the situation as temporary • While hoping for the best, targets should expect the worst. • Look for small victories rather than large-scale changes. • Targets can use a variety of measures to limit their exposure to bullies. Sutton’s Survival Tips • Limit exposure • Communicate via written memos and e-mails • Remain standing rather than being seated when called into the bully’s office. • Find & build some vital pockets of support at work among kind, decent people Survival Tips • Don’t tell me I’m wrong, don’t tell me that you know all along I won’t roll over dead; only I know what goes on in my head I’ve got nothing to hide; I’m not guilty inside I’m not going away! You try so hard to break me, But all your diamonds turn to sand.” “I’m Not Going Away” by O. Osbourne, Z. Wylde, & K. Churko Survival Tips How to Hold Your Own When Holding Blamers Accountable -Sam Horn • Use as few words as possible • Don’t Listen to reason – rational lies • Appeal to a Bully’s need to save face, not to any sense of fairness • Give them an out Survival Strategies -Sam Horn • • • • • Act outside of their expectations Plan to be unpredictable Can you say unequivocal ”enough” Control the Conversation May interrupt….. Detach, Don’t debate Survival Survival Tips • Take Time to make your decision • Review the bullies rights/needs seesaw history • Determine if saying no is what’s required to keep a balance of power Become a Verbal Samurai • Verbal Samurais (both male & female) do what they must to prevent people from unfairly pressuring them &/or putting them in psychological or physical danger • Not loud or obnoxious, just clear & firm • I am my own person & they insist on fair treatment Strong Statements • “ I know I can handle him/her without causing a scene” • “Bob, keep you hands to yourself or you’ll have to explain this to the CEO.” • “Paul, did you have some helpful suggestions?” • Walking toward the bully, “What recommendations do you have?” Strong Statements • Instead of automatically saying yes to “keep the peace” “I want to take a few minutes to think this over” • “My mind is made up” or “This is nonnegotiable” • “Ted, don’t even start with me” • “Let me get my pen, Do you want to repeat that for the record” Strong Statements • “Calling me names is inexcusable.” • “John, do you remember we agreed not to snipe at each other in public?” • John, I don’t let anyone verbally abuse me.” • Claim mea culpa “Perhaps I didn’t make it clear how I feel about this.” • Things are different from now on “Don’t do this again.” Strong Statements • “The next time you want to criticize dinner, you can make it yourself” • “Next time you want to criticize dinner, you can help make it” • “Did you have a terrible day & your taking it out on me?” • “If your trying to make me feel bad, it’s not going to work” Strong Statements • “Jill, back up and give me some room here” • No, Jill, you’ll have to get that loan from someone else” • Jill, you are not getting any more money” • I’d rather you not do that” • “Please keep your hands to yourself” Strong Statements • “This is unacceptable” • “Excuse me? Are you talking to me?” • Putting shoulders back & looking him in the eye “And what did you like about that project?” • “One more word and you’ll force me to report you” • “What you’re trying to do won’t work” Strong Statements • “Don’t to that again” • “No one has the right to insult me, & I am not going to allow it” • “Speak to me with respect from now on” Do The You • Continue to use “I replies” when dealing with people who have a conscience • Use “You” to keep the attention on the bully’s inappropriate conduct • “Keep your comments to yourself” Offensive Behavior that goes unchallenged gets repeated • “Keep those kinds of thoughts to yourself” • “You might want to reconsider that. It doesn’t reflect well on you” • “You can’t mean that” • “Do you want to repeat that?” (said with incredulously with raised eyebrows) • “I’m sure I didn’t hear that right. Do you want to replace that? • “Don’t say stuff like that when you’re with me” • “Use different language. That is unacceptable” • “What makes you think I want to listen to that?” Realize Clarity Rules by Sam Horn • CLARITY is the KEY to having the confidence to confront bullies • Believe in your bill of rights • I have clarity that my definition of a healthy relationship is one in which I have the freedom to think & act for myself • I have clarity that I choose to believe the best of people, and I give them the benefit of the doubt until they prove me wrong Clarity Rules • I have clarity that I will seek win-win resolutions until someone tries to take advantage of my good nature • I have clarity that it is my responsibility to speak up if someone crosses the line of common decency • I have clarity that suffering in silence perpetuates the problem • I have clarity that I will speak up if someone tries to intimidate me • I have clarity that I will walk tall so bullies won’t perceive I’m weak Clarity Rules • I have clarity that I will ask myself, “What’s my culpability?” so that I do not unwittingly contribute to or perpetuate a bully’s mistreatment of me • I have clarity that I will set & state limits in advance so people know my boundaries & ethical threshold • I have clarity that I will no longer “keep the peace” at any price • I have clarity that I want to serve as a role model for my loved ones that we do not passively endure someone verbally abusing us Clarity Rules • I have clarity that I will not volunteer to be a victim, and I will remove myself from a relationship in which someone is trying to control or own me • I have clarity that words can hurt and haunt. I will not demean others and I will not allow anyone to demean me or a loved one • I have clarity that life is a blessing, not a burden, and I will not allow bullies to undermine my sanity or that of my loved ones Clarity Rules • I have clarity that I am responsible for my physical amd mental health, & I take appropriate action to improve unsafe situations • I have clarity that I do not give myself up and I do not give up on myself • I have clarity that I will be kind & compassionate until someone tries to take advantage of my good nature Survival Tips by Sam Horn • “Drop it , we’re not going there” • Hold them accountable “Janice, take responsibility for your own actions” • Don’t listen to whines “Wait just a minute, Don’t say something you’ll regret” • Appeal to their need to save face. “Review the checks before you start laying blame” • Act unpredictably “Look me in the eyes and apologize RIGHT NOW!” • Cut into the monologue “Enough! It’s my turn to talk” Survival Tips by Sam Horn • Detach - do not debate “You’re not going to draw me into this” “You’re entitled to your opinion” “It’s too bad you see it that way” “That’s your opinion” • Bully the Bully- it is right to be strong when someone is (persistently) in the wrong “When injuries result from the worksite exposure to chemical substances, the offending institutions are compelled to introduce remedies. When the injuries originate from toxic human behavior, no less should occur.” Harvey Hornstein Brutal Bosses & Their Prey Serenity Prayer “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” - St. Francis of Assisi Cyber-Bullying Prevention Tips • Keep your personal details safe • Don’t choose nicknames that have your full name or age • Waste time in places online where bullies will target you • If someone you don’t know begins to talk to you ignore them. Click out & block the user Cyber-Bullying Prevention Tips • Try not to use obvious choices such as pets or partner’s names or your date of birth. • Try to mix all of your passwords up. • Only add people you know to your networking files • Change passwords regularly • Don’t reply to cyber bullies On-Line Safety • Never give out passwords, PINS, etc • Keep personal info, to yourself • Don’t delete messages from a cyber bully. You may decide to report online harassment to local police • Do not meet people you’ve met online in person What is Corporate/Institutional Bullying? • Corporate/institutional bullying occurs when bullying is entrenched in an organization and becomes accepted as part of the workplace culture Corporate/institutional bullying can manifest itself as: • Placing unreasonable expectations on employees, where failure to meet those expectations means making life unpleasant (or dismissing) anyone who objects • Dismissing employees suffering from stress as “weak” while completely ignoring or denying potential work-related causes of the stress. Corporate/Institutional Bullying can manifest itself as: • Encouraging employees to fabricate complaints about colleagues with promises of promotion or threats of discipline • Encouraging employees to fabricate complaints about colleagues with promises of promotion or threats of discipline Signs of Corporate/Institutional Bullying • Failure to meet organizational goals • Increased frequencies of grievances, resignations, and requests for transfers • Increased absence due to sickness • Increased disciplinary action Surviving the Effects of Bullying • Forgiving • Humor www.humorproject.com • Attend a No Bully for Me support group or start one • Grieving DABDA • To heal from Shame Namie Surviving the Effects of Bullying -R.H. Lubit • Developing emotional intelligence self-awareness self-management Social awareness relationship management Skills to make one bully proof -Lubit, p. 338 • • • • • • Respect for other people’s feelings Hope Bravery Self-Control Self motivation Anger Management Forgiveness To Go on with Your Life • • • • • Forgiving a Bully Hurt, anger & pain can last a long time Pain leads to other problems Forgiveness does not mean forgetting the past It is just saying that you are no longer going to let feelings created by something that happened in the past ruin your present & your future. • Forgiveness is about doing something good for yourself. Building & Sustaining Healthy Work Environments • • • • • A Collaborative practice culture A communication rich culture A culture of accountability Adequate number of employees Presence of expert, competent, credible, visible leadership Building & Sustaining Healthy Work Environments • Shared decision making at all levels • The encouragement of professional practice & continued growth/development • Leadership must be available • Recognition of employees value • Create a culture of a “Just Culture” with regard to unacceptable behavior Building & Sustaining Healthy Workplaces • Developing leadership skills of managers Center for Creative Leadership’s 360 Degree Evaluation Myers-Brigg Type Indicator Kouzes & Posner’s Leadership Practices Inventory Thomas-Kilman Conflict Mode Instrument Building & Sustaining Healthy Workplaces • Use of coaching/mentoring • Leadership is both an art & a science • Mission statement that includes organizational objectives & how employees are treated • Vision & values statements align all employees • Clear reporting levels • Job descriptions defined with duties & responsibilities • Discuss concerns of bullying at staff meetings Building & Sustaining Healthy Workplaces • Personnel policies: comprehensive, consistent, legal, simple expected behaviors & standards of ethics • Disciplinary issues: dealt with consistently, fairly, & expeditiously • A Culture of “paying it forward” –praising colleagues, valuing each other & the work of others • Valuing colleagues from various generations Creating a Caring & Nourishing Environment • Employees buy into goals & objectives of the organization • Training & staff development are highly valued • Communication is open, honest, effective, & openly • Participation, teamwork, creativity, decision making, trust, empowerment are valued • Conflict resolution/mediation exist • EAP programs (??) • Anti-Mobbing Policy Mobbing by Davenport, et al, p. 144 Implementation of a No Asshole Rule by Sutton • Clearly define the prohibited behavior • Make the rules public • Require every employee to read & sign the rule • Ensure new employees know & understand the rule & the consequences of breaking it • Weave the rule into hiring & firing policies • Apply the rule to customers & clients Implementation of a No Asshole Rule by Sutton • Beware of differences in status or power among employees • Focus on conversations & interactions • Teach people how to fight assholes • Be slow to “brand” people • Prevent assholes from hiring other assholes • Get rid of assholes fast • Treat assholes as incompetent • Remember that power breeds nastiness Implementation of a No Asshole Rule by Sutton • Embrace the power-performance paradox • Manage moments, not just practices, policies, & systems • Teach & model constructive confrontation • Adopt the “one asshole rule”. • Link big policies to small decencies. A workplace-wide no asshole rule works best when the rule effects how people talk & work together. Systems of interventions • Biannual performance reviews • Performance Improvement Counseling • Use Risk Assessment Instrument Heacox & Sorenson ( 2006) • Any criminal act should be reported to the police • If no improvement, disciplinary action or discharge • Have protocols for investigation • Have graduated sanctions & steps in Progressive discipline Setting the Precedents • 1998 Court decisions made employers responsible for harassment & discrimination by employees who were acting as agents of the employer Legally Speaking • There may be tort laws that apply, e.g. intentional infliction of emotional distress, constructive discharge, defamation, wrongful termination, breach of contract, reckless indifference, employer negligence. • Consult an attorney Burlington Industries v. Ellerth & Faragher v. City of Boca Raton • Mar. 2005 first bullying trial resulted in a $325,000 verdict against a bullying Indianapolis surgeon Setting the Precedents • Aug. 2005 Jury awarded $366 million to a physician bullied by abuse of the peer review process • Feb. 2006 Teacher received settlement of $500,000 in a defamation lawsuit filed against the school district Legally Speaking -M. Kohut • Employees who are mistreated in the workplace have no legal recourse that specifically addresses bullying unless the target has the “protected status” of being discriminated against due to gender, nationality, race, religion, age, or those specifics covered by the American With Disabilities Act of 1990, Age Discrimination in Employment Act of 1967, or Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 Wrongful Termination • Thompson v. Tracor Flight Systems HR manager was victim of “yelling & screaming”. She feared for her safety& later resigned claiming constructive discharge. Court ruled the working conditions were “unusually aggravated” and amounted to a continuous pattern deemed intolerable & which the employer refused to correct or mitigate. Awarded $600,000 based on wrongful termination Voluntary Resignation or Constructive Discharge • “Constructive discharge” occurs when an employer intentionally renders working conditions so intolerable that an employee is essentially forced to leave the employment…The working conditions are deemed intolerable if a reasonable employee would find them to be so. -Davenport, Schwartz, & Elliott, p. 176 Retaliation • Can claim retaliation if subjected to hostile behavior, demotion, discipline, salary reduction, a negative evaluation, a change in job assignment, or change in shift assignment Torts • Tort = wrongful acts resulting in injury to another’s person, property, or reputation for which the injured party is entitled to seek redress • Intentional infliction of Emotional Distress • Defamation—libel/slander statements The At-Will Doctrine • Most states are employment at-will states • The employer’s right to terminate an employee at will • Is over 100 yrs. Old • Recent court decisions “Unless an employment contract expressly specifies term of employment, an employer may discharge an employee for a good cause, a bad cause, or no cause at all, that is not contrary to law Wrongful Discharge in Violation of Public Policy • Is an exception to at-will employment • Prohibits two kinds of termination Abusive termination Retaliatory Discharge Mental-Mental Injury • Nontraumatic mental injuries • 1996 Francis Dunlavey case Legally Speaking • 1999 Meritor Savings Bank v. Vinson found unequal treatment of an employee that occurred only because of gender or other protected characteristic could “if sufficiently severe or pervasive” constitute a hostile environment in violation of federal law. MOBBING • Is verbal or physical conduct that over a period of time, continuously & systematically: 1. intimidates, shows hostility, threatens, & offends any co-worker 2. interferes with a co-worker’s performance 3. otherwise adversely affects a co-worker • Includes threatening, intimidating or hostile acts, generally abrasive behavior, using obscene, or threatening language or gestures, discrediting a co-worker, slander, withholding information vital to co-workers job performance. Mobbing • Civil Rights Act of 1991 may be under “protected Status”. Possibly age discrimination • File a claim with state Civil Rights Commission & Federal Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) MOBBING • Seek legal counsel • Follow time frames • No laws against mobbing The Purpose of our existence is to help other human beings. If we cannot do that, the least we can do is not to hurt them. -The Dalai Lama Incivility • The exchange of seemingly inconsequential inconsiderate words & deeds that violate conventional norms of workplace conduct • Incivility can be very subtle or much more blatant Workplace Incivility • • • • Taking credit for others’ efforts Passing blame for our own mistakes Checking e-mail or texting during a meeting Sending bad news through e-mail so we don’t have to face the recipient • Talking down to others • Not listening Workplace Incivility • • • • Spreading rumors about colleagues Setting others up for failure Not saying “please” or “thank you” Showing up late or leaving a meeting early with no explanation • Belittling others’ efforts • Leaving snippy voice mail messages Workplace Incivility -Pearson & Porath • Forwarding others’ e-mail to make them look bad • Making demeaning or derogatory remarks to someone • Withholding information • Failing to return phone calls or respond to email • Leaving a mess for others to clean up Workplace Incivility -Pearson & Porath • Shutting someone out of a network or team • Paying little attention or showing little interest in other’s opinions • Acting irritated when someone asks for a favor • Avoiding someone • Throwing Temper tantrums Incivility • 60% occurs top down, often as part of a power play • Upwardly aimed incivility is covert; men & women are equally likely to be treated uncivilly • Offenders tend to be older & more experienced than Targets • Incivility is pervasive & growing Incivility • 50% or more report it is not unusual to see their coworkers treated badly • Incivility is very costly to organizations • People who work in uncivil environments are proved to be less helpful, less courteous, less creative, less cognitively able. Incivility In Academia -Heinrich 2006 • Setting up a colleague for embarrassment or failure • Distortion of a person’s potential into a deficit • Deceiving the faculty member through misrepresentations & lying • Shaming a colleague through either actions or words • Using covert tactics to betray the colleague Incivility In Academia -Heinrich 2006 • Not honoring personal boundaries or violating the person’s space • Separating according to prejudices • Using win-lose mandating • Blaming someone for his/her shortcomings • Silencing by exclusion Promoting Civility in Academia • • • • • • Identify uncivil behaviors & the bullies Deal with it openly & systematically Make a risk assessment to determine degree Gather support Education of faculty @ uncivil behavior Have clear policies & guidelines in faculty handbooks Bullying of Academics follows a pattern • Horrendus, orwellian elimination rituals, often hidden from the public • Chairs bullying junior faculty • Deans bullying tenured faculty • Professors bullying students • Students bullying a professor Promoting Civility in Academia • Introduce civil behaviors in grad school • Assess the extent & types of policies written on workplace harassment • Action Research principles are recommended • Analysis of workplace harassment policies • Cultural Audit by an outside consultant Recommendations for Research • Development of consensus-based definitions • Identify which techniques help contain bullying individuals with the greatest degree of effectiveness Promoting Civility in Academia • Grievance procedures should be in place & workable • Sanctions • Redress • Recommend counseling & mediation for victims & perpetrators • Use of local chapter of the Am. Assoc of University Professors • Document everything Promoting Civility for Students in Academia -Clark, C. & Cardoni • Address with students during orientation& have regular training sessions • Basic = everyone is responsible for their behavior • Faculty need to create a safe forum for students to express their concerns • Have students co-create class norms • Conduct student forums which include faculty Promoting Civility in Students • Educate students about horizontal violence, how to identify it & deal with it • Mentor students, building self-esteem & self worth, communication skills Cultivating a Civil Workplace • Small steps taken consistently & relentlessly create & sustain a civil workplace • Cisco Systems • Starbucks • Davita Inc • Microsoft • O’Melveny & Myers, LLP Creating & Sustaining Civility • Set a zero-Tolerance Expectations • Look in the Mirror • Weed out trouble before it enters your organization • Teach Civility • Train employees & Managers how to Recognize & Respond to Signals • Put your ear to the ground & listen carefully Creating & Sustaining Civility • • • • • When incivility occurs, Hammer it Take complaints seriously Don’t make excuses for powerful Instigators Invest in Post departure Interviews Create a work environment that facilitates & supports collegiality & effective communication & IPR Creating & Sustaining a Civil Environment • Do background checks before interviews • When interviewing, let candidates know how important mutual respect is in your organization • Use Behavioral Event Interviewing. Ask @ a time when things went well & a time when they did not • Check for burnout Creating & Sustaining a Civil Environment • Talk to people who have worked with the person • Use a team approach • Check references. Check references. Check references. • If you spot a problem, keep searching • Use multiple interviews • Can use MMPI, CPI. Hare Psychopathy Checklist (antisocial) Creating & Sustaining a Civil Environment • • • • “management by walking around” Cultivate bellweathers Expectation = respectful behavior Recognize & reward pro-social & respectful formal & informal leadership through promotions, awards, raises, etc. • Display excitement & interest in what people are doing by giving verbal comments & written congrats Creating & Sustaining a Civil Environment • Take immediate & visible action to deal with harassment by meeting with the alleged target & harasser & gather facts • Attempt Executive coaching • Use progressive discipline (probation) Document issue a written warning State what will happen next Creating & Sustaining a Civil Environment • When witnessed or reported, the bullying behavior should be addressed IMMEDIATELY • If bullying is entrenched in the organization, complaints need to be taken seriously and investigated promptly. Reassignment of those involved may be necessary (with an “innocent until proven guilty” approach) • Structure the work environment to incorporate a sense of autonomy, individual challenge/mastery, and clarity of task expectations for employees – Include employees in decision-making processes Creating & Sustaining a Civil Environment • Encourage open door policies • Investigate the extent and nature of the problem. Conduct attitude surveys • Improve management’s ability and sensitivity towards dealing with and responding to conflicts • Establish an independent contact for employees (e.g., HR contact) • Have a demonstrated commitment “from the top” about what is and is not acceptable behavior Creating & Sustaining a Civil Environment • Develop clear organizational guidelines for leaders & employees to be accountable for workplace behavior & to intervene when witnessing bullying of colleagues • Discuss concerns of bullying at staff meetings • Provide ongoing education to reinforce organization’s commitment to ensuring a caring & respectful environment Creating & Sustaining a Civil Environment • Hold awareness campaigns for EVERYONE on what bullying is. Encourage reporting • Ensure management has an active part in the staff they supervise, rather than being far removed from them Creating & Sustaining a Civil Environment • Issue a second warning • Next demote, suspend or terminate employee • Offer employee an honorable way out if possible. Or escorted by security. • Manager should model appropriate behavior • TOCS – Toxic Organizational Change System by Kusy & Hollaway What can Managers do to cultivate Civility • Time: Several weeks to write a policy on how to handle bullying and train managers accordingly. You’ll need a few hours to meet with employees when an issue arises. • Input: Encourage employees to report bad behavior. Add questions about bullying to existing tools like 360-degree feedback reviews, skip-level meetings, workplaceculture surveys, or sexual-harassment training. What Can Managers Do To Cultivate Civility • Policy changes: Talk to HR about adding bullying to your company’s discrimination policies. Most policies cover harassment that is unlawful, such as sexual or racial harassment, but a bullying policy simply outlines behavior that is inconsistent with company culture. • A company culture that doesn’t tolerate bullies: If bullying is coming from the very top, this behavior will be impossible to root out. Return to Civility • 365 ways to be civil • “Maybe they are not trying to be rude, they’re just forgetting to be civil”. by John Sweeney The World Declares War on Bullying • 1990 – Heinz Leymann, Swiss, published & research- defined mobbing • 1988 British journalist Andrea Adams coined the phrase “workplace bullying”Wrote 1st book in UK on bullying • 1994 Australia -Beyond Bullying Association BBA 1st conference • 1997 Dr. Susan Steinman Hyenas at Work International Laws » 1994 Sweden 1st law against workplace bullying • UK Employers have duty to protect employees Safety & Health for Employment Law codes 2001 Protection from Harassment Act • Australia 1994 Public Sector Ethics Act 1996 The WorkCover Queensland Act 1997 Workplace Relations Act 2005 SafeWork SA Amendment to the Occupational Health, Safety & Welfare Act International Laws • France 2002 Social Modernization Law • Canada • U.S.??????????? What can Society Do? • Civility needs to start early • Awareness & support of special community programs • Special programs in schools • Attention to quality of relationships • Greater awareness of connectivity • “It pays to be civil” No Innocent Bystanders • At this point in time, everyone has to work to end bullying • We need to take on bullying as a community, rather than as individuals • Enroll our children in schools, programs, sports, that foster & celebrate civility in children HELPING THE NEXT GENERATION WITH BULLYING • Provide resources & help them be knowledgeable • Help them to not feel guilty, ashamed, but to feel empowered that they can control their situation • Help them make a plan & problem solve • Encourage students to talk with teachers, counselors, school administration. • Inform children of McGruff Safe Homes or start them in your community. School’s Responsibility • The school is responsible for maintaining order at school • Teachers set the rules. Bullying is against the rules • Under the National Safe Schools Framework of Jan. 2003 schools are required to address the issues of bullying & harassment. Civility throughout time • • • • • • • Buddha 563—483 BC Confucius Socrates, Plato, Aristotle The Renaissance George Washington 1732-1799 Abraham Lincoln 1809-1865 Dale Carnegie 1936 Helpful Web Sites • • • • • • • www.takeTheBullyByTheHorns www.bullyfreeworld.com www.bullying.com.uk www.bullybeware.com www.apeacemaker.net www.acresolution.org www.bullybusters.org In Summary Be Savvy • The best response to the first episode of bullying is……… • Moving from Victim to Warrior & Verbal Sumaria • When one finds themselves as a target in a bullying situation, the first step is to ……… • The next step is to Strategize and ..…. • Solicit Witness Statements & Support • Name some soft strategies for dealing with a bully • Documenting & Record Keeping • Tips for Finding a Good Attorney Summary • The complexities of whistle blowing • Survival Strategies if you decide to stay • Negotiating a Termination Agreement if you decide to leave • Strong Statements to practice & use • Ways companies can build & sustain healthy work environments • Legal aspects of bullying and Precedent cases • Incivility in Academia & suggestions to remedy • Helpful books & websites Useful Resources • The Australian government has put together a publication on “Advice to Supervisors on Bullying in the Workplace” that includes useful resources for employers, including a checklist to assess whether you have a bully-free workplace. Use this checklist to see whether you are being bullied or have a bullying workplace: • http://www.defence.gov.au/fr/issues/AdviceonB ullying.doc. Useful Resources • Key Elements of New York City’s Workplace Violence Law Fact Sheet: http://www.pef.org/stopworkplaceviolence/. • http://www.nobullyforme.org • Guidelines for Preventing Workplace Violence for Health Care & Social Service Workers: http://www.osha.gov/Publications/OSHA3148/osha3148.html. • Dealing with Workplace Violence: A Guide for Government Agency Planners: http://www.opm.gov/Employment_and_Benefits/WorkLife/Official Documents/handbooksguides/WorkplaceViolence/full.pdf. • Article distinguishing bullying from harassment: Bullying at Work Can Have Legal, Financial Penalties: http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_qa5292/is_20080825/ai_n281 18867. Useful Resources • Workplace Bullying and Trauma Institute, Bellingham, Washington: http://www.bullyinginstitute.org/. • Advice for Employers on Workplace Bullying: www.defence.gov.au/fr/issues/AdviceonBullying.doc. • http://www.docep.wa.gov.au/WorkSafe/Content/Safet y_Topics/Bullying/Violence_in_the_workplace.html. • Guide for Employees on Workplace Bullying: http://www.docep.wa.gov.au/WorkSafe/PDF/Guidance _notes/Dealing_with%20bullying_english.pdf. Useful Resources • • • • www.stopworkplacebullies.com www.kickbully.com www.bullyfreeatwork.com Guide for Employees on Workplace Bullying: http://www.docep.wa.gov.au/WorkSafe/PDF/Gui dance_notes/Dealing_with%20bullying_english.p df. • NIOSH Update: Most Workplace Bullying is Worker to Worker: http://www.cdc.gov/niosh/updates/upd-07-2804.html Useful Resources for Employers • Advice for Employers on Workplace Bullying: www.defence.gov.au/fr/issues/AdviceonBullyi ng.doc. • http://www.docep.wa.gov.au/WorkSafe/Conte nt/Safety_Topics/Bullying/Violence_in_the_w ore kplace.html. Useful Resources • Dealing with Workplace Violence: A Guide for Government Agency Planners: http://www.opm.gov/Employment_and_Benefits/WorkLife/Official Documents/handbooksguides/WorkplaceViolence/full.pdf. • Article distinguishing bullying from harassment: Bullying at Work Can Have Legal, Financial Penalties: http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_qa5292/is_20080825/ai_n281 18867 • NIOSH Update: Most Workplace Bullying is Worker to Worker: http://www.cdc.gov/niosh/updates/upd-07-28-04.html. Workplace Bullying and Trauma Institute, Bellingham, Washington: http://www.bullyinginstitute.org/. Reference List • APNA 2008 Position Statement on workplace Violence, www.APNA.org • Cade, Valerie, Bully Free At Work, What You Can do to stop workplace bullying now, 2009. • Cavaiola, Ann A, & Lavender, Neil J., Toxic Coworkers, New Harbinger Publications, 2000, 207pp. • Chapman, Dave, www.kickbully.com, 8-16-2010. • Clark, Cynthia, “The Sweet Spot of Civility: My Story”, http://www.reflectionsonnursingleadership.org/Pages/ Vol36_1_Clark.aspx?utm_source=R... Reference List • Clark, Cynthia, & Cardoni, Cari, 2010, “What students can do to promote civility, Reflections on Nursing Leadership, 36:2. www.reflections on nursing leadership.com. • Crowe, S. A. Since strangling isn’t an option, 1999, Penguin Putnam, Inc. 274 pp. • Davenport, N, Schwartz, R, Elliott, G. Mobbing, Emotional Abuse in the American Workplace, Civil Society Publishing, 216 pp. • Elgin, S The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense at Work, 2000. The Penguin Group, 340pp. Reference List • Forni, P.M. The Civility Solution, What to do when people are rude”, 2008, 166 pp. • Futterman, Susan, When You Work for a Bully , Croce Publishing Group, LLC,2004, 245 pp. • Glass, Lillian, The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Verbal SelfDefense, Alpha, 1999, 338pp. Guiness, O.S., The Case for Civility and why our future depends on it., 2008, Harper Collins Publishers, 214pp. • Griffin, M. (2004). Teaching cognitive rehearsal as a shield for lateral violence: An intervention for newly licensed nurses. Journal of Continuing Education in Nursing, 35 (6),1-7. Reference List • Heinrich, K.T. (2007) Joy Stealing: How some nurse educators resist these faculty games. Reflections on Nursing leadership 32 (2), 1-4. • Heinrich, K.T. (2007). Joy stealing: 10 mean games faculty play and how to stop the gaming. Nurse Educator, 32 (1), 34-38. • Horn, S., Take the Bully by the horns”, 2003, 302 pp Kohut, M. The Complete Guide to Understanding, Controlling, and Stopping Bullies & Bullying at Work. 2008. Atlantic Publishing Group, 285 pp. • Hurd, David, Defamation & Blacklisting, www.bullyinginstitute.org, 3-2-2008. Reference List • Kusy,M. & Hollaway, E., Toxic Workplace!, 2009,John Wiley & Sons, 242 pp. • Longo, Joy, “Combating disruptive behaviors: strategies to promote a healthy work environment” OJIN: The Online Journal of Issues in Nursing Vol.15, No. 1, Manuscript 5. • Lubit, Roy H., Coping with Toxic Managers, Subordinates…and other difficult people, Prentice Hall, 2004, 368pp. • Mueller, Robert, Bullying Bosses: A Survivor’s Guide, 2005, 282pp. • Namie, G. & Namie, R. The Bully at Work, 2009, Sourcebooks, Inc, 336 pp. Reference List • Pearson, C., & Porath, C. The Cost of Bad Behavior. 2009. The Penguin Group, 224p. • Spindel, P. Psychological Warfare at Work, 2008, Spindel & Associates,, Inc., Toronto, Ontario, Canada, 168pp. • Sutton, Robert I., The No Asshole Rule, Warren Business Books, 2007, 210pp. • Twale, D.J., DeLuca, B.M.,2008, 219 pp. Questions? Sharing ? • I hope you have found this to be helpful & informative. I certainly enjoyed preparing this • Hopefully you will never need this info but if you ever are in such a situation I hope it is helpful to you • Be a Workplace Warrior if you have to but I wish all of you a peaceful, healthy work environment never to be bullied THANKS!!! • You are a great audience!!! • LET’S END Bullying in the Work Place!!!
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