Michele M. Valentino, MSN, CS, BC
• Describe & explain methods of dealing with
• Explore other bully busting techniques &
Analyzing alternative choices
• Analyze the scenario “After the
Bullying/Violent episode”. Discuss strategies
to reclaim dignity & build support, respectful,
healthy environments
“He that respects himself is safe from others, he
wears a coat of armor that none can pierce.”
- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
• None of the suggestions/tips for dealing with
a Bully is guaranteed
• These are suggestions for you to decide what
is appropriate in your unique situation
The Simple Truth
• To stop a bully from turning you into a Target, just
firmly announce that his/her behavior will not be
accepted without he/her running the risk that it will be
reported immediately to both a private lawyer & and
the company’s legal team. Gesture that he/she has
one chance to stop now (palm of your raised hand
racing her) and that he/she consider the consequences
of continuing her childish, embarrassing behavior.
-Gary & Ruth Namie
Namie Survey
U.S. Hostile Workplace 2000
Anonymous survey online
1 335 respondents, random design.
50% M & F
81% ranked higher
14% same rank
5% lower rank
It’s no Secret
96% co-workers were aware of the bullying
46% public sites
34% private
20% behind closed doors but meant to be
• Woman were predominantly Targets 77%
Happens Everywhere
• 35% Corporate employers
• 33% govt. (vs. 12% of the national workforce)
• 13% small or family run businesses
• 19% nonprofit organizations
63% Targets had some college & degrees
17% grad. Degrees
4% PhD’s, M.D.s or lawyers
• Ave. exposure 16.5 mo
Related Terminology
Horizontal Violence
Disruptive Behavior
Horizontal hostility
Lateral violence
Top 5 Reasons Bullies Bullied
1. Target refused to be subservient, resisted
control 58%
2. Bully envied Target’s competence in work
3. Bully envied Target’s social skills, being
liked, + attitude
4. Ethical Target behavior, whistleblower was
retaliated against 46%
5. The cruel personality of the bully 42%
What Made Bullying STOP
• 11% transferred but kept job with same employer
• 38% left voluntarily for self-preservation
• 44% were expelled in a way controlled by the
• 7% Negative sanctions against the bully
(censure, transfer or termination)
82% actually lost their jobs simply because a bully
came uninvited into their lives
Economic Impact of Bullying on the
• 51% lost income
• 33% experienced no change
• 16% realized a gain as a result of termination
and replacement with a better-paying job
Need to report!!
• Need to report to raise awareness of the
• Typically, acts of violence that do not result in
injury are not reported ( 61% of nonphysical
violence was unreported in 1 study (Findorff,
McGovern & Sinclair, 2005)
Obstacles to Reporting
• Inurnment due to chronic & protected exposure
to bullying individuals
• Few effective regulations
• Attitude & perception that this “is just part of the
• Organizational culture, including onus on the
victim to be proactive & make the complaint &
the employer’s belief that it would be too costly
to institute protective measures for the staff
Obstacles to Reporting
• Stigma of victimization, including
embarrassment, shame, isolation & fear of
• Fear of job loss
• Fear if blame of provoking the assault or being
• Victim’s self-blame
• Time-consuming, ineffective, or gender-biased
reporting mechanisms
Obstacles to Reporting
• No benefit, either personal or organizational,
of reporting
• Unhelpful experience with prior reporting
Tips for Dealing with Disruptive
Behaviors by Center for Am. Nurses
• Identify what behaviors are bullying
• Remember, sometimes the more passive
behaviors can be the most damaging & the
most pervasive!
• Know when to engage
• Avoid Avoidance
“I swore never to be silent whenever and
wherever human beings endure suffering
and humiliation….Silence encourages the
tormentor, never the tormented.”
Elie Wiesel, Nobel Laureate and Holocaust
Identify Bullying
• Unwarranted or invalid criticism
• Blame without factual justification
• Being treated differently than the rest of your
work group
• Being sworn at Exclusion or social isolation
• Being shouted at or being humiliated
• Being the target of practical jokes
• Excessive monitoring
Identify Bullying Tactics
Being over-critical
Unfairness or “crazy-making”
Lack of clarity
Evaluate Options
• Prepare oneself mentally (bully proof)
• Which approach will you take?
Bully proofing
Preparing mentally
Personal philosophy
Creating an invincible attitude
Get some perspective
Prepare for the worst
Commit to see it through
Mildly committed bullies
Relentless bullies
Bully proofing
Understand the results of losing
Evaluate the rewards of winning
How difficult will it be to look for another job?
Understand the risks of doing nothing
Expect a nasty battle
Identify the ultimate value
Bully proofing
• Identify the ultimate value
• Step Four: Commit to see it through
What is the bully’s level of commitment? You
must match or exceed that if you want to win
Financial preparation
Bully proofing
Financial preparation
Lining up a new job
Getting family on board
Financial independence
Avoiding sharks
Create an Invincible Attitude
Get some perspective
Prepare for the worst
Commit to see it through
Step Three: Prepare for the worst
• When you expect the worst, you are less likely
to be disappointed
• Assume the worst from the bully
• Don’t plan on a normal, cooperative
• Always remember that a skilled, aggressive
bully is capable of the worst of workplace
Prepare for the Worst
Expect a nasty battle
Evaluate the alternatives to fighting
Face your fears about changing jobs
Consider all your options
Do Nothing
Make a plan and act
Go to your manager
Notify HR
Take sick leave
Explore other job options
Contact an attorney
Job Search
No griping
Employment agencies and recruiters
Fighting after finding a new job
Reorganizing your finances
Tips for Dealing with Disruptive
Behaviors by Center for Am. Nurses
• Be mindful of your own feelings
• Take immediate interventions when
witnessing disruptive behaviors
• Learn to listen
• Collaborate with your boss
• Behave differently
• Reflect on the experience
• Remember, it’s about you—not about them
Document, Document, Document
• Can use incident reports for your file
• Document hot-button issues
• Keep track of health issues
• Organize a Documents FileGeneral & personal documents
• Drafting a Chronology
• Obtaining copies of harassing / bullying paper
trails; hold onto copies of documents that
contradict the bully’s accusations against you
(e.g., time sheets
Bully Proofing Comes First
• Phase 1 Bully Proofing to Stop the Hurt
• Phase 2 Bully Proofing to Topple the Tyrant
Bully Proofing to Stop the Hurt
• Typical scenario
• Assess Impact Before It’s Too Late
4 areas to help begin your recovery from
1) How I relate to others
2) How other people see me
3) My performance at work
4) My ability to reason & solve problems
Write down as many phrases you can, give blank
ones to two others & compare.
Bully Proofing
• Quality of Relationships with Others
• Confidence in Personal Competence
• Emotional Effectiveness
Do your self rating
Ask others to rate you
Summarize the observations in an Impact Table
Interpret patterns for meaning, Regain
Changing Your Perspective
• Step 1. Compare your bully problems to a
catastrophic event.
• Step 2. Mentally edit the memory of your
encounter with the bully as if you were editing a
film. As you replay your last encounter, view it as
if it came from another camera angle.
Turn the camera so you can look at it in different
ways, Go over the memory with a friend to try &
get a new perspective on the situation.
Changing Your Perspective
• Step 3. Reframe the problem & change the
meaning of the experience, Try to look at the
experience as a positive event rather than an
attack on you. Are there any ways the bullying
experience could be +?
Establish & Protect Boundaries
“No one can make you feel inferior without your
-Eleanor Roosevelt
SIGN-up for Bully Proof Insurance
• Part 1: Expect an attack
• Part 2: Know some bully-proof responses
• Part 3: Practice your responses
Check Policies /Procedures of
• May need to request the actions by bully to
• Expect the bully to deny and perhaps
misconstrue your accusations; have a witness
with you during any meetings with the bully;
report the behavior to an appropriate person
Repel Invasion- Become a Workplace
Warrior, Not a Target
Use verbal commands
Announce that a line has been crossed
Refuse to be a victim
Announce that you have a policy of zero
tolerance for such unacceptable actions & that
you will enforce this. A tit for tat.
• In workplace bullying, people who show emotion
are generally seen as more vulnerable than those
who have a closed style
• Develop the Self
Verbal Defense Strategies
• Imaginary Conversation Strategy
• Enter every situation in the verbal battlefield
with an open mind
• Observe “what is”
• Take a moment to pick your strategy
• Silent, expressionless, blank stare
• The look of Disgust Strategy
• Go ahead and defend yourself
Verbal Defense Strategies
• Naked Truth Strategy
• Let it Go-Breathe & Blow Strategy
• Calm, Calculating, Questioning Strategy – Like
• Naked Truth Strategy
• “The Joke’s on You” – Funny Bone Strategy
• Love ‘Em Up Strategy
• Gentle-Toned Name Repetition
Verbal Defense Strategy
Hush-Hush Strategy
Let the Baby Have Her Bottle Strategy
“What’s Good About You” Strategy
Mirroring the Foe Strategy
“Give them hell & Yell Strategy
Bully proofing yourself
• Recruit one’s family’s help right from the
• Identify allies
• Separate Work/Social Boundaries
• Boundaries & Defenses
Avoid Spineless Flexibility
Maintain your boundaries in the face of
Recognize Unhealthy Work Boundaries
You have a right to Privacy
Hard & Soft Strategies
The Yang and Yin - Robert Mueller, JD
• Usually hard strategies are not recommended
• A fresh bouquet of flowers
• Being opaque – maneuver quietly into the
corners of workplace power, discovering
• Let co-workers figure out for themselves that
the Bullying Boss in the literature is their own
Hard & Soft Strategies
The Yang and Yin - Robert Mueller, JD
• “The Story” is always counterproductive
• Do use note probable trajectories and cards
on a table
• Convert “The Story” into a strategic plan
• “Timing is everything”
The Yang & Yin
• Restroom Retreats
• During aggravated confrontations, don’t engage
• If need be, define the “abuse” or “bullying” out
loud for all to hear
• Obey now & grieve later
• Wrap yourself in the employer’s mission
• Minimize flow of information to a Bullying Boss
• Do make contact with co-workers. Be authentic.
The Yang & Yin
• Do not send angry e-mails, put it in your file
• Some info must be shared
• Circumspect Speech (anonymous postings,
distributions, or droppings of literature.
Nicknames can be powerful
Bully proofing Yourself
• Be cognizant of any distorted thinking
patterns you may use so we do not undermine
global labeling
polarized thinking
mind reading
illusion of control
emotional reasoning
Bully proofing Yourself
• Avoid self blame
• Know when to get professional help
• Change the conversation you have with
yourself to take the focus off the difficult
person & put it on you
• Stand your ground and send out a “Don’t even
think about it” attitude
• Brainstorm responses and role-play
Self –Help books
• Managing Your Mind: The Mental Fitness
Guide by Gillian Butler and Tony Hope
• The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns
• Work Abuse: How to Recognize & Survive It
by Judith Wyatt & Chauncey Hare
Bullying is status-blind harassment
• Sexual harassment is illegal & actionable in court.
Must prove the victim’s rights have been violated. The
victim must be a member of a “protected status”
• In the U.S. there are 7 civil rights-protected status
groups (gender & race are the most prominent)
• Bullying happens when harassment is same gender or
same-race or when the bully enjoys potential legal
protection because he or she is a member of a statusprotected group
• Most bullying involves same-gender harassment
(6 1%)
Identify & Evaluate Your Options
Evaluate culture of the Workplace
• Healthy or toxic????
• Toxic = bully is admired, widespread anger &
frustration, dysfunctional meetings &
relationships, scapegoats are found to take
the blame, dysfunctional processes,
meaningless solutions from ineffective
management, worsening morale
A toxic work environment usually begins at the
top, either through negligence or lack of
character and integrity, usually stemming
from a naive discounting of the importance of
how employees are treated.
Strategies for Taking A Stand
• Decide if you will fight back
• “I am MAD as hell and won’t be bullied
anymore!” (Attitude)
• Selective Silence
• Say Nothing. ”There’s power in numbers”.
Strategies for Taking A Stand
• When you are ignoring, look directly at the
bully. When he starts mouthing off, just stare
at him/her.
• Say Something
• Seek help from friends
• Walk (or Run) Away
Workplace bullying can be invisible
• Are you surprised that no one can see
widespread bullying but you? In this distorted
reality, all common sense seems displaced by
the almost magical power of a charismatic
workplace bully
• Believe the insults about you
• Overestimate how much power a bully has
over you.
• Be afraid to think of new ways to solve the
• Believe you deserve to be picked on.
• Don’t retaliate!
• Do not ruminate
Stages of fighting
Stage 1: Becoming aware
Stage 2: Performing diagnosis
Stage 3: Preparing to fight
Stage 4: Fighting back
Basic levels of response
Gentle: Ignore bullying
Active: Confirm bullying
Assertive: Respond with skill
Aggressive: Use with caution!
Vicious: Not recommended!
Your Style in Fighting Back
Calm, cool and collected
Honest, sincere and positive
Simple, powerful communication
Lighten up
Adopt a Sumo Wrestler’s Tactics to Battle
Strategies for Taking a Stand
• Cognitive Rehearsal (Griffin,2004)
• Bullies are Inadequate, Defective, & Poorly
Developed People
• Targets are Empathetic, Just, & Fair People
Choices of Actions
• Negotiate with the offender, attempt to work it
Don’t provoke
Don’t expect to “win”
• Plan an escape Resign
Move on
• Work around offender
• Rise above the situation
• Disclose Whistle-blowing
• Fight with legal means
• Violence is not an option!
Individualized Responses to Different
Bully Types
• The Competitive Bully – wants what someone else has
• The openly hostile bully –likes to control others
through fear
• Thrill seeking bully – likes to stir up trouble for
entertainment value
• Self-absorbed (narcissistic)
• Personality-disordered bullies – difficulty with honest
concern for others, only want what they want
• Psychopathic bullies
Bullies can be Categorized by their
- Namie
• The Screaming Mimi
Use Silent Mantra
find vulnerable spot
• Constant Critic
use humor, deep breath, “Thank
Goodness, My life would not be
complete without this person’s
Get a 2nd opinion
Ask for support
Bullies can be Categorized by their
- Namie
• Two-Headed Snake
1. The “Backstabber” snake
2. The “Jekyll & Hyde” snake
3. The “No Problem, Don’t Bother” snake
Enlist supporters
Stay calm and emotionally in control
Be clear you will not tolerate or cooperate with
misleading/dishonest statements
Keep repeating what you consider unacceptable
behavior & what you will or will not do
Bullies can be Categorized by their
- Namie
• The Gatekeeper
Plan a discussion away from the office
Expect resistance & awkwardness
Timing is everything
• Opportunistic Bully = the climbers
ingratiation by the academics
* Substance-Abusing Bullies
Types of Bullies
• Obvious Bully
Easily triggered
Pushy obnoxious
micromanaging control freak
arrogant self-righteous know-it-all
• Covert Clever Bully
Very subtle, betrays, mind games
gamesmanship, half truths, creates chaos
• What are some of the reasons I have to feel good
about myself
• Explore existing friendships
• In what way do I play the role of a bully victim?
• Have I really tried to stop someone from bullying
me? What strategies did I try? Did any work?
What payoff did I get?
• What have I used in the past?
• What other strategies can I try?
Staying alert to a workplace bully
Anticipate his next move
Don’t let your guard down
Don’t be sidetracked by a bully’s words
When you are tempted to let your guard
down, consider his driving ambition
• Always be ready with your defense; he may
target you when you least expect it
Basic failsafe response
by Dave Chapman
• The most reliable response is also the most simple:
interrupt him and walk away. After you have both
calmed down, you can return to face the bully.
• It is best to choose a single phrase, one that fits your
likely situation. You can make it very simple and
abrupt, such as:
• “Will you excuse me? I’m going to get a drink of water.”
• “Excuse me, but I need to go to the restroom.”
• “Pardon me; I need to make a phone call.”
• But if he yells again, excuse yourself and abruptly
Basic failsafe response
by Dave Chapman
• To avoid coming across too harshly, use variety
in your phrasing of the question “why”
“And why is that?”
“Why do you
believe that?”
“How come?” “But why?” “What’s
underlying that?”
Basic Failsafe Approach
by Dave Chapman
• Another approach is to just smile and act
amused, then excuse yourself and walk away. This
will convey to a bully that you have no interest in
hearing anything more from him on that
particular topic. For example, grin and say calmly:
“Maybe you’re right. Will you excuse me?”
• Then turn and walk away, without waiting to see
his reaction. If he screams obscenities or
threatens you as you leave the room, just keep
walking and say:
“Sorry, I need to leave,” without looking back.
Basic Failsafe Response
by Dave Chapman
• You can also include a suggestion that you meet
the bully at some other time
• “I’m headed out to lunch, but we can talk later.”
• “I have to go now, but let’s get together later.”
• “I want to hear you out, but first I need to finish
• “Excuse me; I need to go. Let’s finish this later.”
Basic failsafe response
by Dave Chapman
• If he calms down, you can suggest a specific
meeting or lunch to fully discuss his
comments. For example:
• “I want to get this resolved. Can we meet later
to talk about it?”
• If he says yes, you can ask:
• “How about four this afternoon?”
Aggressive failsafe response
by Dave Chapman
• you repeatedly ask “Why?” Use some variation in
wording, and occasionally use full phrases to
sound more conversational.
• Focus your questions specifically on discovering
his underlying thoughts and intentions. For
example, if he yells that you failed him, you can
“Excuse me, but why do you think I failed you?”
• Listen intently to his responses, and then phrase
your next question accordingly.
Aggressive Failsafe Response
by Dave Chapman
• Mix up your questions with a simple
statement that demonstrates your confusion
and curiosity. This will encourage him to
expound on his thinking
“I don’t understand what you’re getting at.”
“Please help me understand what you’re
trying to say.”
Become an Expert in Failsafe
• Failsafe responses are needed at the most
intense moments of dealing with a bully
• Choose one or two basic phrases & practice
“Excuse me; I need to go. Let’s finish this later.”
• Give your co-workers a knowing smile and
walk away, unbullied
Primary Responses to Bullying
Resolving the issue
Humorous responses
Avoiding mistakes
Learn to interrupt a Bully
Bullies count on politeness in others
Are you worried about coming across as rude?
You can use polite phrasing, “Excuse me,”
Don’t feel any need to hold back out of
consideration for his feelings
• Say his name. Look him right in the eyes.
Speak clearly in a strong, steady voice. Repeat
his name, without glancing away, until he
stops talking
Learn to Interrupt
• If he continues talking? Or even yelling? Continue
repeating his name, with the exact same tone of voice,
over and over again. In the very rare case he persists in
talking (or yelling), say his name louder and louder. At
some point--perhaps just to get you to shut up--he will
be forced to stop speaking. He may look at you and
angrily say: “WHAT?”
• Also: “Wait!” “Wait a second!”
“Hold on!”
“Hey, wait a minute!”
“Take a breath!”
You achieve greater impact by using his name, such as:
“Hold on, ___. Take a breath!”
• Take control with questions
• As soon as the bully stops talking, ask him a
question. That will give you control of the
conversation (at least for the moment). Make
your question brief. If he interrupts you before
you finish, stop what you were saying and exclaim
• “Excuse me, but I’m not finished.”
• Repeat that phrase until he stops talking. For
greater impact, include his name.
• When interrupting a bully in front of others, there
is always a higher risk of a harsh reaction. If this
occurs, concentrate on maintaining a calm
appearance (no matter how you feel inside). This
will stand in stark contrast to his agitated,
negative, verbally destructive nature.
• In fact, your confrontation could expose the
imbalanced nature of an out-of-control bully. In
that case, the bully may trigger his own
termination. Upper management rarely commits
to such verbally violent people.
• Turn the tables on the bully and use questions
to regain control.
• First, set the tone: Be calm and direct
• Listen carefully to his responses. They will give
you clues about what to ask next
• Look him in the eye. Don’t let him back down
• Ask more questions if he falters
Why do you think that?
What would result if we did that?
What effect would that have?
How do you think things would be different?
When do you propose we start?
• Who should be involved?
• What should happen if this approach fails?
• Convert bullying to conversations
• Sample attack and response
The bully unleashes a verbal assault on your
job performance. If it’s a tirade, you may need
to use a failsafe response. Otherwise, wait for
his assault to come to an end & then respond
Allow some silence to settle around the bully’s
words. This simple act shows you were paying
attention, and that you’re calm enough to
thoughtfully respond (which is much better
than displaying panic as you rush to defend
Then ask a simple, direct question, such as
asking him to clarify his attack:
“Can you explain what you meant by ___?”
• When he responds to your initial question, listen
carefully for a key word or phrase that represents
the essence of his complaint. Then use that word
or phrase to ask another question.
• At some point, you may get to the bottom of his
attack. Then you can respond with a clear
“Now I see why you were concerned. I’ll be more
careful in the future.”
• He may run out of patience and insist on
ending the conversation or changing the
subject. At that point, you can either drop it or
suggest another time to work things out.
• As long as he is answering your questions-even when he is evasive--you can continue
interviewing him until he responds clearly.
Even better, use paraphrasing in combination
with your questions.
• put the essence of his thinking into your own
words, as concisely as possible. Then ask him
to confirm your paraphrase
Don’t get distracted
“Let me be sure I heard you right.” “Let me make
sure I understand you.”
“I’d like to understand your point.”
Then start your paraphrase by saying:
“Are you saying ___?” “So you think ___?” So
you believe that ___?”
“So you feel that I’m ___?”
“Why do you think ____?”
“How would ____ lead to ____?”
After you paraphrase him, you can ask:
“Is that how you feel?”
“Is that what you mean?”
that your point?”
“Do I understand you correctly?” “Is that what
you were trying to say?”
• If he responds in the negative, ask him more
questions until he clarifies his thinking
Act to Resolve an Issue
• When complex, take it step-by-step.
• Ask for his cooperation: “Can we talk about this?”
“Can we try to figure out a way to resolve this?”
• Ask him to suggest a possible solution. Listen carefully to
his response
• Once you’re on the same wavelength as the bully, make a
decision on how to resolve the issue
• State your intention to the bully. If appropriate, obtain his
agreement on specific actions that you will both take, such
“Do you want to call the client, and I’ll go tell the staff?”
• End the conversation and leave
Humorous Responses
• To use this approach, look for contradictions and
absurdities in a bully’s attacks or mannerisms.
Make a subtle remark or ask a question that
highlights the humorous aspect.
• Mock his innuendo
• Act amused
• Avoid sarcasm
• Even satire has its risks
• Mock his criticisms
Technique not in the Literature
Humorous Responses
• It’s always better to laugh at yourself
• A more tactful approach--and a highly effective
use of humor--is to laugh at yourself
• Be sincere in your self-reproach
• Don’t be afraid to make fun of yourself in front of
• If the bully accuses you of false humility, you can
“No way! I’m very proud of my humility. It’s one of
my best qualities.”
Things to avoid in your technique
Don’t be defensive
Don’t be timid
Don’t be fooled
Don’t stoop to his level
Advanced Techniques
Absorb his attack
Subdue him
Give a controlled response
Handle objections
Deal with continued aggression
Calmly disengage
Insulted in Public? Unmask the Bully!
• Take a deep breath and allow yourself time to
process the comment. Recognize the insult for
what it is—and is not
• Allow silence to form around the bully’s words
• Ask the bully direct questions, such as “What
makes you think that?” “How do you see that
quality in my action?”
• Use the “broken record technique,” that is, repeat
your questions until the bully responds
• State your question firmly and with confidence
Unmask the Bully – Strategy #2
• Repeat the attack in your own words
(paraphrase) and ask, “Is this what you mean?”
• Ask the bully to tell you specifically what you did
and ask for a possible solution, for example, “Can
you be more specific…?”
• State what you will do to implement the solution.
• If the bully persists with another “helpful”
suggestion or attack, clearly state again what
you’re willing to do and end the conversation
Confronting the Gossiper
• Isolate the person. Find a place and time that
you can talk to the bully/spreader of gossip,
• “I have reason to believe you’re gossiping
about me, and I’d like you to stop”
• Stop talking
Witness Paralysis
• Abilene Paradox
• Catastrophizing = People’s overblown negative
• Groupthink
• Dissonance
• Co-workers side with the Bully, the Aggressor
• Winners Take All-Targets are Losers
• Fear suppresses Action
• To Thrive, Bullies Require
Silent Witnesses
You Can Stop Them
Cut Off Their Life Support
You Can Help
• If you are aware of bullying in the workplace
and do not take action, then you are accepting
a share of the responsibility for any future
abuses. This means that witnesses of bullying
behavior should be encouraged to report any
such incidences
3 Action Steps to Stop Bullying
• Name it! Legitimize Yourself!
• Seek Respite, Take Time Off
put self back together
Check physical health
Check to see if your rights as an employee were
Gather data about the economic impact the
bully has had on the employer
• Expose the Bully
• Finalize the business case that the bully is “too
expensive to keep”
• Rehearse you 15 to 30 min. presentation
• Deliver your presentation
• Going to management directly is a high-risk,
possibly high-cost move with generally
predictable zero results (Mueller)
The Target’s Declaration of Needs &
Wants signals the end of Target hood
to all past & Future Bullies
• Clarify what you want
Rules for Requests
1. Try to get the other person to agree on a convenient
time & place for discussion
2. Keep your requests small to avoid resistance from the
3. Keep request simple, 1-2 items
4. Don’t attack the other person. Use “I messages”. Be
objective (factual). Moderate tone.
5. Be Specific
6. Use assertive words & high-esteem body language
7. Practice, practice, practice!
Clarify What You Want
I Want
My Boss is a Bully
My Boss is a Bully
Recognize the enemy
Join Forces
Nip it in the bud
No excuses
Talk in private/Avoid one-on-one encounters?
Avoid psychobabble & focus on specifics
Practice being in a Zen-like state
Never tolerate a bully boss—even if you have to
by Peggy Klaus
My Boss is a Bully
• Let him/her know in writing that you cannot
give proper attention to all of the assignments
• Leave on time
• Get it in Writing
• Send he/she memo’s & keep a copy
• Put everything in the memo
• Be Polite, but persistent
• Do your job, & do it well, but live your life
My Boss is a Bully
-Valerie Cade
• Absorb her attack.
• Calm her by speaking in a low but self-confident
• Physically stand your ground. Do not back away.
“Own” your space
• Show her that you understand her immediate
problem and what she wants
• With your voice, tone and body language, show
her that you don’t take her attack personally
My Boss is a Bully
• Use the force of the bully’s attack to subdue
• Ask her to restate her main point
• Ask for her relevant opinions and suggested
• Listen actively. Paraphrase her ideas and ask
follow-up questions
• Stand up to the bully; offer her choices that
you can live with
My Boss is a Bully
• Give a meaningful response
• Let her know you want to help her, if possible
• Stand your ground. Control your voice and
• Summarize the situation and options
Use the same terminology and phrases as the
My Boss is a Bully
• Finally, respond effectively to the bully’s
• Give your conclusions. Tell the bully what you’re
going to do
• Restate your own intentions
• Describe the bully’s options again
• Explain the benefits and problems of each option
• Ask the bully to make a simple choice
Help is found???
• The emotional Stages of Being Bullying
1. Victimhood
2. Power surge-The Workmen’s
comp/disability/EEO Complaint system is
discovered. You are told @ favorable jury awards
& large settlements
3. Vulnerability
4. Isolation & Abandonment
5. Anger
6. Resolution
Your Readiness to Confront
• Should you fight back?
1) There can be a cost to your health
2) the toll vicious defensive employers can
3) economic losses
Why You Should Fight Back
• Be Bully proof first
• To Satisfy your need for fairness and doing the
right thing (Equity & Justice for All)
• Being able to move on with your personal
dignity intact (Moving On With Dignity)
Tools for fighting
Uncover true meaning and intentions
Don’t let him steamroll you
Handle him in meetings
Have fun at his expense
Adopt a strong posture
Less is more
Silence is okay
Uncover True Intention
Force clarification
Reveal subtle attacks
Clarify the issue
Diffuse the monologues
Clarify by paraphrasing her statement. To
paraphrase, you re-state what she said in your
own words
“Is this what you’re saying?” (Paraphrase)
“Did I hear you correctly?” (Paraphrase)
“Let me be sure I heard you correctly. Is this
what you mean?” (Paraphrase)
Clarifying the Issue
• Aggressively question the bully. Bullies don’t
cut their targets any slack. Targets shouldn’t
go easy on bullies either
• Keep the bully off guard
• Ask questions rapidly. You don’t have to be
“fair” to the bully and give her time to answer
• Cut the bully off and ask another question to
further keep her off balance
Clarifying the Issue
• Bullies love presuppositions
• “If you really cared about the company, you
would ___.”
• You can respond forcefully by saying:
• “When did you start thinking that I didn’t care
about the company?”
• Keep a workplace bully from clouding the
• Ignoring distractions
“That’s an interesting topic, but can we
deal with it another day?”
“I’m not sure we should pursue that right
now. Can we get back to ____?”
“We were talking about ___. Were we
Clarifying the issue
• Issue at hand
“That’s not how I remember it; but even
so, don’t we need to look at ___?”
“I’m not sure I understand your vision of
the future, but shouldn’t we focus on the
current situation instead?”
“All I know is that the situation today is
____.” (Then ask a question.)
• Move the meeting forward
“Let’s not get caught up in that issue right now.
How should we solve the problem of ___?”
“Let’s not keep rehashing the past and guessing
about the future. What should we do now?”
“I know we all want to move on to the next topic,
but we haven’t come up with any solutions for
___. What do you think we should do?”
• Or if the bully is the only one who has offered a
“I’ve heard ___’s solution, but what about everyone
else? Are there any other suggestions?
“___’s solution may be the way to go on this, but
shouldn’t we consider some other options before
making a decision?”
How to diffuse a workplace bully’s
Interruptions aren’t allowed!
Using his monologue to expose him
Aggressively interrupt him
Ask a very pointed question about his unfair
criticism, presupposition, misrepresentation
or deception
How to Diffuse a bully’s monologues
• Stop his wandering
“That’s interesting and we can talk about that
later, but what do you think about ___?”
“I’m sorry to cut you off, but we’re almost out of
time here. Can we finish talking about ___?”
“You’ve added several things I don’t understand,
but can we finish talking about ___?”
Act Confused
• “I’ve very confused by what you’re saying.
What’s your main point?”
• “You’ve totally confused me. What point are
you trying to make?”
• “You’ve lost me. What are you trying to say?”
• “You’ve lost me again. What’s your main
Act Confused
• You can also take a more aggressive approach, with the
intention of changing the rhythm of the entire
meeting. However, these phrases may embarrass the
bully, so use them with caution. For example:
• “I’m confused. What are we trying to accomplish
• “I’m having trouble following this conversation. What
are you talking about?”
• “Is there anyone here who understands what he is
• “I don’t have time for this. What’s your point?”
Don’t Be Steamrolled
Don’t allow yourself to be interrupted
Repeat yourself until he responds
Don’t let him change the subject
Ask Questions to keep control
Handle the Bully in Meetings
• Don’t allow yourself to be interrupted
• Repeat yourself until he responds
• Don’t let him change the subject
• Ask questions to keep control
“Hold on a minute. I want to hear your opinion
on ___.”
“We can pursue that later, but first I want to
hear more of your thoughts on ___.”
Handle the Bully at Meetings
• Instead of speaking first, try speaking late in the
meeting. Talk after the bully has spoken at length.
Once you have the floor, say, “I have some opinions
on the subject, but first I want to correct (the bully’s
name) incorrect statements.”
• Don’t let a bully interrupt you. You’ve been a good
listener to others—that puts you in a good position to
expect others to listen, including the bully.
• If the bully interrupts you, interrupt him and
say authoritatively:
“I’d like to finish, please.”
“I listened to you. Please give me the common
courtesy to hear what I have to say.” (Then wait in
silence for a moment before proceeding.)
“I have a few points to cover. Then you can
speak again—if you’d like.”
Handling the Bully at Meetings
• If the bully tries to leave the meeting, use the
same comments as if he interrupted you. If he
leaves anyway, comment on his inappropriate
“Too bad he left. He didn’t hear about
the incorrect data he used.”
Say, curiously, “I wonder why he left?”
• Stand your ground. Stand up
Have Fun At the Expense of the Bully
Use with Caution!
Act mildly amused by his antics
Mock his angry outbursts
Compliment his bullying behavior
Put words in his mouth
Mimic or mock his negativity
Mock his criticism of you
Use sarcasm (Not recommended!)
Say something abrupt or outrageous
Tell him you love your job
Using Humor with Bullies
• Smile as you repeat the office bully’s words.
Show you are in control by acting amused.
Have a confident stance
• Identify the fallacy in a bully’s criticism, and
point it out, using a light-hearted tone
• If you’re sure of your facts and behavior, mock
your own shortcomings. Make them larger
than they are, in contrast to the bully’s
Adopt a strong posture
• Just say no
• Give a strong speech
• Suggest ending the relationship
Weapons Against…
Aggressive body language
Weapons Against…
• Ridicule
• Aggressive body language
• Rumor-mongering
Friendly fighting
Ignore the bullying
Dismiss the bullying
Seek to understand the bully
Give a friendly speech
Moderate response
• Just say no
• Put him off
• Confront him privately
Powerful response to a
highly aggressive bully
Encourage him to open up
Question underlying thinking
Offer meaningless apology
Force him to make meaningful point
Force him to explain behaviors
Powerful Response to a Highly
Aggressive Bully
Criticize him openly
Tell him you recognize his bullying nature
Tell him to leave you alone
Imply something is wrong with him
Imply he is a good person
Make your own choices
• Don’t feel you are alone
• You can choose not to let the bully bother you, you can
choose to fight back, or you can choose to leave the
company. Even doing nothing and being a victim is a
choice (though not a very good one).
• Fighting back against workplace bullying may last
weeks or months, or even years in some highly
competitive industries where bullying is widespread
How to Diffuse (cont)
• You can also focus a workplace bully through
specific questioning, such as:
“Excuse me, but how is that relevant to our
current discussion?”
“Help me here for a minute.” (Then ask a
“Are you saying ___ (paraphrase)?”
Advice from Veterans of Bullying Wars
• Take a Stand & get the help you need to
confront the bully
• Fight back from the beginning
• Realize that the bully is really a coward
• Tell others that you trust what is happening
• Build support & get ready to confront
• Do not take any crap from anyone
• Keep records of the bullying events
RULE # 1
Do not attempt Bully Busting unless
and until you are bully proof
3 Bully Busting Approaches
• Trust the internal grievance procedures &
comply with union requirements, if present??
• Hire an Attorney
• Mount an internal, informed campaign to the
top, outside normal channels, seeking justice
Legally Speaking
• There is no law in any US state against workplace
bullying. No lawyers specialize in it. There are a
few laws against cruelty against humans in
general. Only “disadvantaged “people deserve
• Filing a lawsuit leads to predictable retaliation,
financial expense, & risk of worsening emotional
• The justice you seek can rarely be achieved in a
• You may feel let down by the attorney’s opinion
Each state has an equal opportunity dept
FMLA of 1993 = 12 wks leave in a 12 mo.
period for “serious health condition: of employee
or child, spouse, or parent
• A few states make short term disability available.
• Manager may not harass you while on disability
• If terminated file for unemployment benefits
• Employees can only escape Bully rule mongering
when either the Bullying Boss or they leave
• But by becoming expert in the workplace rules,
Warriors acquire defensive shields against
bullying while also gaining expertise useful as
offensive swords
• The Warrior becomes capable of measuring the
irrationally of their Bully’s conduct against the
clear standards afforded by businesslike rules
• Whether you resigned or were fired
you are away from your bully and out of a
toxic environment
• You’re ready to begin again!
Go Digging
Among co-workers & Superiors & &
Library search for Articles
Lexus Nexus
County Court Clerk’s office
County Recorder’s Office
Key Words to explore
CEO or Director
A key Manager or 2
A key customer/client or several
Bullying Boss
How to Find an Attorney
• Ask if attorney represents primarily plaintiffs
or mostly defends corporations & employees
• Need discrimination for a case
• Avoid a law firm if there is conflict of interest
• Get permission from federal EEOC before you
can hire a private attorney
Finding an Attorney
• Ask how they want to be contacted
• Demand experience, ask for their success rate,
ask for referrals from satisfied clients
• Ask for an itinerary of how & when you will be
prepared for your deposition ( or will you be
left to devise your own strategy
• Ask about regular case updates
• An assessment of time available for your case
given current caseload
Finding a Good Attorney
• Results: % of claims settled (at what stage)
% cases gone to trial & results
Ave. monetary award won for clients with
similar cases
• Willingness to accept case on contingency
vs retainer & fees as you go
• Can attorney recommend another attorney?
Finding an Attorney
• = Am Bar Assoc = law firm websites = will match lawyer =location & specific practice = data base & “ask an
• www.,
Mount an Internal, Informal Campaign
• Seek advice from medical practitioners using
your health plan
• Solicit Witness Statements
• Confront the Bully
• File the internal complaint
OPTION = Mediation
1. Decide what you want from mediation
2. Develop a list of mediators / state bar assoc/National
Association for Community Mediation
3. Assess mediator’s training, knowledge,
4. Interview mediators with regard to ethics,
confidentiality, logistics, cost
5. Evaluate information & make a decision
Worker’s Compensation
Almost always need to hire an attorney
Usually stress-related claims
Whether claim proved successful or not, it can
haunt one during search for a new job
Preparing of the Case Against the Bully
Search for code violations
Identify Allies
Use Rule of Two
Revise your documentation
Make a liability-focused case against the bully
Introduce “Employment Practices Liability”
Estimate the dollar value of downtime
Risk of losing reputation & credibility
Clarify your expectations
The Complete Demand
• Include an organizational solution ensuring
your safety & health
• Request a cash value for damages and
personal restoration if you stay
• Request a severance package for damages &
restoration, if you are the one to leave
A Safety & Health Solution
• A transfer?
• Insist that all time off privileges be restored
• Refuse to stay unless your next report of
bullying results in the bully’s immediate
• You agree to stay under certain conditions
Cash for Damages & Personal
• Affix a dollar value to the pain & suffering
without referring to it in those terms.
• Design you severance Package
include: a clean recommendation
a transition period of a determined
restoration expenses
The “Rule of 2” Meeting presenting
your case
• Be prepared for two meetings
• Meeting with the Senior Manager
• The Bully’s Tribunal
Meeting with Senior Manager
• Schedule a one hour meeting
• Ask Senior Manager to invite the director of risk
management to attend.
• Have representative with you.
• Thank them for attending.
• Have an agenda
• Present your case in chronological manner
• Begin with a brief portrayal ( @ 2 min.) of the
work world before the bully arrived.
Meeting (cont.)
• Tell specifically how he/she disrupted normalcy
for everyone. Use abbreviated list of actions,
dates, & triggering events ( about 10 min).
• Emphasize impact on outsiders who were
appalled by the conduct.
• Detail the liability risks she poses. (10 min.)
• Keep appealing to satisfying the organization’s
broader needs
• Listen for senior manager’s response
• Repeat risks that seem important
• Manager will ask you bluntly what you propose
they do. State you believe that employees
deserve a safe workplace, one that ensures
physical and psychological safety. Discuss Vision
& mission.
• Ask to have the bully disciplined & moved
• If above is rejected, then wait for them to offer
you a transfer.
• State your conditions to approve a transfer
• Give your deadline for action
The Bully’s Tribunal
• Announce the meeting to all participants
• Make it a public meeting with witnesses in
addition to the Bully and the Target
• It’s your agenda. Keep it vague
• Have clearly defined, specific outcome
• Hold the meeting at a site neutral or
uncomfortable for the bully
• Record the meeting with deliberate redundancy
Bully’s Tribunal (cont.)
• Compel the Senior Manager to attend
• Present your carefully prepared case as you did to
the senior Manager, only be briefer
• Emphasize code or policy violations
• Do not threaten legal action unless approved by
your attorney
• Call witnesses
• Turn to the senior manager for a decision
• Be clear that you are holding the employer
responsible for the bully’s misconduct
Bully’s Tribunal (cont.)
• Ideally bully will be disciplined according to a
progressive system already in place
• Sanctions or termination should be the
consequence when subsequent violations are
• Make HR the implementers of the contract &
that HR has to act if bullying is reported again
• Ensure written permanent immunity from
retaliation & protection from future harm
Taking Your Case Public
Speaking Out or Not
• When meetings do not produce results or
management refuses to meet at all
• Can use 3 possible public audiences
1. Customers
2. the organization’s governing Board of
3. the general public, reachable via media Complete the “On
Record” form
Whistleblower Checklist
by Tom Devine
• Make memorandums for a record of every
bullying incident
• Identify & copy all necessary supporting
documents like organizational, work performance
documents, medical/mental health records.
• Create a larger support circle that consists of
others who will benefit from blowing the whistle
on bullying
• Seek help from specialist
• Learn how to navigate the legal landscape via an
Attorney who is familiar with whistle blowing.
Whistleblower Checklist
• Whistleblowers must develop survival strategies
to cope with the almost certain prospect of
having all their own faults, errors, & dirty laundry
exposed to discredit them.
• Examine motivation for whistle blowing
• Consider trying to work within the system before
going public
• Whistleblowers should consult their families
before going public
• Keep a detailed record of all events before & after
the whistle is sounded.
Speaking Out or Not
• 1st thing people think of doing is going to the
press. “If they don’t get rid of that guy, I’m
going to ‘60 Minutes’”. Horrible things do
happen to good people all day, but that is not
the definition of news.
Moving On, Up or Out
• WBTI Research says…
Targets Bear Brunt of Stomping the Bullying
11% of Targets transferred within the same
38% left voluntarily to stop further health damage
44% were terminated using employer-controlled
In only 7% of cases was the bully censured,
transferred, or terminated
To leave or to stay
-David Hurd
• Do a cost-benefit analysis on a 2 column sheet
• Targets underestimate the consequences for their
• Leaving with dignity seems to quicken the healing
• Arrange for a + references & a great letter
• Write your own letter of recommendation &
make the employer sign it before you leave.
• Use a Documented Reference Check to verify
To Leave or To Stay
-David Hurd
• Warn the bully and all bully supporters,
including HR, that they are to provide the
next employer with dates of employment only
or face legal action
• Know the Law regarding Defamation of
Worst-Case Scenerio
• Launch a Pre-emptive Strike about your
version of the bullying fiasco at the interview
for the next job
• Review your record of bullying incidents and
the response by the employer. Consider legal
Action against the company.
Options for Mobbing
Analyze what is actually going on
Attempt to work it out
Bear with it, protect yourself, & use survival strategies
Plan an escape. Resign with or without a new job.
Fight with legal means while still on the job or soon
• Disclose – whistle-blowing
• Engage in positive action that uses your experience to
help eliminate future mobbing situations
Survival Strategies
Figured out what actually was going on
Responded to attacks with confidence & without fear
Did not participate in the game that was inflicted on them
Refused to be a victim
Displayed a great deal of spiritual & mental strength &
trusted things would change.
• Consciously took steps to leave
• Diverted their energies to other pursuits they enjoyed & did
not invest their creativity in the organization
Mobbing by Davenport, et al, p. 105
Document diligently
Find an attorney
Mediated settlement
Recovering & moving forward
Mobbing by Davenport, et al, p.114
Survival Strategies
-Mobbing by Davenport
Go through grieving consciously
Believe in the value of change
Do not isolate yourself
Seek out support of friends and family
Have a pet
Be with people & do things you love
• Use your existing skills in another context,
volunteering, part-time job
• Learn a new skill
• Stop “victim” thoughts
• Make a plan
• Have faith
Mobbing by Davenport, et al p. 106
Survival Strategies
- Mueller
Find a full richness of life outside work’s walls
Your spouse/partner as a support
“Touching the Market”
Take “sick leave” and vacations
Some Stay & gave these rationales
- Pearson & Porath, p. 166
To protect my own image
No chance of improvement
Too risky
Cosmic Justice
Company will deal with it
Apathy towards offender
Part of job requirement ‘Wrong Timing
Survival Strategies
• Some read the Bible, the Koran, Torah, or the writings
of scholars & prophets
• Communicate with the offender via phone or e-mail
rather than face-to-face
• Stay off committees or teams that include the offender
• Avoid meeting with the offender alone
• Reframe your own thinking
• Grow
• Choose to leave or stay
• Use humor
Humorous self help books
• “How to Work for an Idiot: Survive & Thrive
Without Killing Your Boss”
by John Hoover
• “Dealing With Difficult People: How to Deal With
Nasty Customers, Demanding Bosses, & Annoying
by Roberta Cava
Making a Graceful & Practical Exit
• Take This Job & Shove It
• Consider your financial situation & try to time
your exit accordingly
• Create a list of necessary expenditures & possible
sources of temporary income
• Try not to leave abruptly without an exit plan, but
if you have to go, then go
• Muster all your marketable skills
• Prior to your departure, polish your resume &
reference letters
• Determine your eligibility for SS benefits, VA
benefits, unemployment payments, and
Workers’ comp benefits
• Give notice to you employer, even if he or she
is the bully
• When negotiating your exit, if your employer
asks you to sign a nondisclosure agreement
which contains an agreement not to file a
lawsuit against him/her strongly consider this.
Exit Checklist
• Consult Credit counselor to consolidate your
debts at a reduced payment
• You may need to obtain credit hours in your
desired field through a college or technical
• Use up all your sick days & vacation time; go
job hunting while you are away.
• Never discuss with a potential employer what
you suffered
Exit Interview?
Not useful to employee
Do not share any info with HR
Do not sign anything
Remain polite or better yet, skip the event
Target’s Survival Plan
• Take control over events, even if you are the
only person who knows you are in control.
Shake off the bully’s power over you
• View yourself as a Workplace Warrior, not a
• Give ownership of the bully’s behavior to him,
not to you
Survival Strategies
• Namie & Namie’s positions: Sacrifice your
health & sanity for a paycheck? It simply does
not add up. Organizations can outgun,
outlast, delay, lie, & distort the truth
• Mueller’s position: He who names a thing
owns it. Workplace Warrior’s can call bullying
by its name, face it down, & recapture their
own power, shaking off the bully’s power
Other Positions
• Shapiro & Jankowski’s: There is an antidote for
bullies. It is possible to beat them without
joining them or becoming a weak pushover
• Sutton: Change your mindset about what is
happening to you. Avoid self-blame.
• Develop indifference & emotional detachment
toward the bully
Cognitive Rehearsal & Cue Cards
-Griffin 2004
• Nonverbal Innuendo (raising eyebrows, etc)
“I sense from you’re your facial expression that there
may be something you wanted to say to me. It’s okay
to speak to speak to me directly.”
• Verbal Affront (snide remarks, lack of openness)
“The individuals I learn the most from are clearer in
their directions and feedback.”
• Sabotage (deliberately setting up negative situation)
“There is more to this situation than meets the eye.
Could you and I meet in private and explore what
Cue Cards for Responses
• Undermining Activities ( unavailable, turning
away) “When something happens that is
‘different’ or ‘contrary’ to what I understand, it
leaves me with questions. Help me to understand
how this situation may have happened.”
• Withholding information “It is my understanding
that there was (is) more information available
regarding the situation, and I believe if I had
known that (more), it would (will) affect how I
Cue Cards for Responses
Griffin (2004)
• Infighting (bickering with peers)
“Always avoid unprofessional discussions in nonprivate
places. This is not the time or the place. Please stop
(physically walk away or move to a neutral spot).”
• Scapegoating (attributing all that goes wrong to one
individual) “I don’t think that is the right connection.”
• Backstabbing (complaining to others about someone
instead of talking to him/her) “I don’t feel right talking
about him/her/the situation when I wasn’t there or
don’t know the facts. Have you spoken to him/her?”
Cue Cards for Responses
-Griffin 2004
• Failure to respect privacy “It bothers me to
talk about this without his/her permission. I
only overheard that. It shouldn’t be
• Broken Confidences “Wasn’t that said in
confidence? That sounds like information that
should remain confidential. He/she asked be
to keep that confidential.”
N.I.C.E. system
• It enables targets to know how to respond to
bullies before a difficult encounter rather than
reacting on impulse
• It assists targets in using new, effective, and nondefensive habits when dealing with a bullying
• It helps targets understand what they did
correctly of ineffectively so they may learn from
successes & failures without repeating them
• N = Neutralize your emotions
• I = Identify your bully’s type
1. make situations difficult
2. believe being unreasonable is
3. have embedded personality
characteristics or disorders
• C = Control the encounter
• E = Explore options
Sutton’s Tips for Surviving in a “ProAsshole” Organization
• Millions of workers are trapped in
organizations where the “pro-asshole”
conditions apply, normally for financial
Sutton’s Survival Tips
• Avoid self blame
• Maintain emotional detachment from the bully’s
abusive tirades
• Develop “learned optimism”.
• View the situation as temporary
• While hoping for the best, targets should expect the
• Look for small victories rather than large-scale changes.
• Targets can use a variety of measures to limit their
exposure to bullies.
Sutton’s Survival Tips
• Limit exposure
• Communicate via written memos and e-mails
• Remain standing rather than being seated
when called into the bully’s office.
• Find & build some vital pockets of support at
work among kind, decent people
Survival Tips
• Don’t tell me I’m wrong, don’t tell me that you know
all along
I won’t roll over dead;
only I know what goes on in my head
I’ve got nothing to hide;
I’m not guilty inside
I’m not going away!
You try so hard to break me,
But all your diamonds turn to sand.”
“I’m Not Going Away”
by O. Osbourne, Z. Wylde, & K. Churko
Survival Tips
How to Hold Your Own When Holding
Blamers Accountable -Sam Horn
• Use as few words as possible
• Don’t Listen to reason – rational lies
• Appeal to a Bully’s need to save face, not to
any sense of fairness
• Give them an out
Survival Strategies
-Sam Horn
Act outside of their expectations
Plan to be unpredictable
Can you say unequivocal
Control the Conversation May interrupt…..
Detach, Don’t debate
Survival Tips
• Take Time to make your decision
• Review the bullies rights/needs seesaw history
• Determine if saying no is what’s required to
keep a balance of power
Become a Verbal Samurai
• Verbal Samurais (both male & female) do
what they must to prevent people from
unfairly pressuring them &/or putting them in
psychological or physical danger
• Not loud or obnoxious, just clear & firm
• I am my own person & they insist on fair
Strong Statements
• “ I know I can handle him/her without causing
a scene”
• “Bob, keep you hands to yourself or you’ll have
to explain this to the CEO.”
• “Paul, did you have some helpful
• Walking toward the bully, “What
recommendations do you have?”
Strong Statements
• Instead of automatically saying yes to “keep
the peace” “I want to take a few minutes to
think this over”
• “My mind is made up” or “This is nonnegotiable”
• “Ted, don’t even start with me”
• “Let me get my pen, Do you want to repeat
that for the record”
Strong Statements
• “Calling me names is inexcusable.”
• “John, do you remember we agreed not to
snipe at each other in public?”
• John, I don’t let anyone verbally abuse me.”
• Claim mea culpa “Perhaps I didn’t make it
clear how I feel about this.”
• Things are different from now on “Don’t do
this again.”
Strong Statements
• “The next time you want to criticize dinner,
you can make it yourself”
• “Next time you want to criticize dinner, you
can help make it”
• “Did you have a terrible day & your taking it
out on me?”
• “If your trying to make me feel bad, it’s not
going to work”
Strong Statements
• “Jill, back up and give me some room here”
• No, Jill, you’ll have to get that loan from
someone else”
• Jill, you are not getting any more money”
• I’d rather you not do that”
• “Please keep your hands to yourself”
Strong Statements
• “This is unacceptable”
• “Excuse me? Are you talking to me?”
• Putting shoulders back & looking him in the
eye “And what did you like about that
• “One more word and you’ll force me to report
• “What you’re trying to do won’t work”
Strong Statements
• “Don’t to that again”
• “No one has the right to insult me, & I am not
going to allow it”
• “Speak to me with respect from now on”
Do The You
• Continue to use “I replies” when dealing with
people who have a conscience
• Use “You” to keep the attention on the bully’s
inappropriate conduct
• “Keep your comments to yourself”
Offensive Behavior that goes
unchallenged gets repeated
• “Keep those kinds of thoughts to yourself”
• “You might want to reconsider that. It doesn’t reflect
well on you”
• “You can’t mean that”
• “Do you want to repeat that?” (said with incredulously
with raised eyebrows)
• “I’m sure I didn’t hear that right. Do you want to
replace that?
• “Don’t say stuff like that when you’re with me”
• “Use different language. That is unacceptable”
• “What makes you think I want to listen to that?”
Realize Clarity Rules
by Sam Horn
• CLARITY is the KEY to having the confidence to
confront bullies
• Believe in your bill of rights
• I have clarity that my definition of a healthy
relationship is one in which I have the
freedom to think & act for myself
• I have clarity that I choose to believe the best
of people, and I give them the benefit of the
doubt until they prove me wrong
Clarity Rules
• I have clarity that I will seek win-win resolutions until
someone tries to take advantage of my good nature
• I have clarity that it is my responsibility to speak up if
someone crosses the line of common decency
• I have clarity that suffering in silence perpetuates the
• I have clarity that I will speak up if someone tries to
intimidate me
• I have clarity that I will walk tall so bullies won’t
perceive I’m weak
Clarity Rules
• I have clarity that I will ask myself, “What’s my
culpability?” so that I do not unwittingly contribute to
or perpetuate a bully’s mistreatment of me
• I have clarity that I will set & state limits in advance so
people know my boundaries & ethical threshold
• I have clarity that I will no longer “keep the peace” at
any price
• I have clarity that I want to serve as a role model for
my loved ones that we do not passively endure
someone verbally abusing us
Clarity Rules
• I have clarity that I will not volunteer to be a
victim, and I will remove myself from a
relationship in which someone is trying to control
or own me
• I have clarity that words can hurt and haunt. I
will not demean others and I will not allow
anyone to demean me or a loved one
• I have clarity that life is a blessing, not a burden,
and I will not allow bullies to undermine my
sanity or that of my loved ones
Clarity Rules
• I have clarity that I am responsible for my
physical amd mental health, & I take
appropriate action to improve unsafe
• I have clarity that I do not give myself up and I
do not give up on myself
• I have clarity that I will be kind &
compassionate until someone tries to take
advantage of my good nature
Survival Tips
by Sam Horn
• “Drop it , we’re not going there”
• Hold them accountable “Janice, take responsibility for
your own actions”
• Don’t listen to whines “Wait just a minute, Don’t say
something you’ll regret”
• Appeal to their need to save face. “Review the checks
before you start laying blame”
• Act unpredictably “Look me in the eyes and apologize
• Cut into the monologue “Enough! It’s my turn to talk”
Survival Tips by Sam Horn
• Detach - do not debate
“You’re not going to draw me into this”
“You’re entitled to your opinion”
“It’s too bad you see it that way”
“That’s your opinion”
• Bully the Bully- it is right to be strong when
someone is (persistently) in the wrong
“When injuries result from the worksite exposure
to chemical substances, the offending
institutions are compelled to introduce
remedies. When the injuries originate from
toxic human behavior, no less should occur.”
Harvey Hornstein
Brutal Bosses & Their Prey
Serenity Prayer
“God, grant me the serenity to accept
the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.”
- St. Francis of Assisi
Cyber-Bullying Prevention Tips
• Keep your personal details safe
• Don’t choose nicknames that have your full
name or age
• Waste time in places online where bullies will
target you
• If someone you don’t know begins to talk to
you ignore them. Click out & block the user
Cyber-Bullying Prevention Tips
• Try not to use obvious choices such as pets or
partner’s names or your date of birth.
• Try to mix all of your passwords up.
• Only add people you know to your networking
• Change passwords regularly
• Don’t reply to cyber bullies
On-Line Safety
• Never give out passwords, PINS, etc
• Keep personal info, to yourself
• Don’t delete messages from a cyber bully. You
may decide to report online harassment to
local police
• Do not meet people you’ve met online in
What is Corporate/Institutional
• Corporate/institutional bullying occurs when
bullying is entrenched in an organization and
becomes accepted as part of the workplace
Corporate/institutional bullying can
manifest itself as:
• Placing unreasonable expectations on
employees, where failure to meet those
expectations means making life unpleasant (or
dismissing) anyone who objects
• Dismissing employees suffering from stress as
“weak” while completely ignoring or denying
potential work-related causes of the stress.
Corporate/Institutional Bullying can
manifest itself as:
• Encouraging employees to fabricate
complaints about colleagues with promises of
promotion or threats of discipline
• Encouraging employees to fabricate
complaints about colleagues with promises of
promotion or threats of discipline
Signs of Corporate/Institutional
• Failure to meet organizational goals
• Increased frequencies of grievances,
resignations, and requests for transfers
• Increased absence due to sickness
• Increased disciplinary action
Surviving the Effects of Bullying
• Forgiving
• Humor
• Attend a No Bully for Me support group or
start one
• Grieving
• To heal from Shame
Surviving the Effects of Bullying
-R.H. Lubit
• Developing emotional intelligence
Social awareness
relationship management
Skills to make one bully proof
-Lubit, p. 338
Respect for other people’s feelings
Self motivation
Anger Management
Forgiveness To Go on with Your Life
Forgiving a Bully
Hurt, anger & pain can last a long time
Pain leads to other problems
Forgiveness does not mean forgetting the past
It is just saying that you are no longer going to let
feelings created by something that happened in
the past ruin your present & your future.
• Forgiveness is about doing something good for
Building & Sustaining Healthy Work
A Collaborative practice culture
A communication rich culture
A culture of accountability
Adequate number of employees
Presence of expert, competent, credible,
visible leadership
Building & Sustaining Healthy Work
• Shared decision making at all levels
• The encouragement of professional practice &
continued growth/development
• Leadership must be available
• Recognition of employees value
• Create a culture of a “Just Culture” with regard
to unacceptable behavior
Building & Sustaining Healthy
• Developing leadership skills of managers
Center for Creative Leadership’s 360 Degree
Myers-Brigg Type Indicator
Kouzes & Posner’s Leadership Practices
Thomas-Kilman Conflict Mode Instrument
Building & Sustaining Healthy
• Use of coaching/mentoring
• Leadership is both an art & a science
• Mission statement that includes organizational
objectives & how employees are treated
• Vision & values statements align all employees
• Clear reporting levels
• Job descriptions defined with duties &
• Discuss concerns of bullying at staff meetings
Building & Sustaining Healthy
• Personnel policies: comprehensive, consistent,
legal, simple expected behaviors & standards
of ethics
• Disciplinary issues: dealt with consistently,
fairly, & expeditiously
• A Culture of “paying it forward” –praising
colleagues, valuing each other & the work of
• Valuing colleagues from various generations
Creating a Caring & Nourishing
• Employees buy into goals & objectives of the
• Training & staff development are highly valued
• Communication is open, honest, effective, & openly
• Participation, teamwork, creativity, decision making,
trust, empowerment are valued
• Conflict resolution/mediation exist
• EAP programs (??)
• Anti-Mobbing Policy
Mobbing by Davenport, et al, p. 144
Implementation of a No Asshole Rule
by Sutton
• Clearly define the prohibited behavior
• Make the rules public
• Require every employee to read & sign the
• Ensure new employees know & understand
the rule & the consequences of breaking it
• Weave the rule into hiring & firing policies
• Apply the rule to customers & clients
Implementation of a No Asshole Rule
by Sutton
• Beware of differences in status or power among
• Focus on conversations & interactions
• Teach people how to fight assholes
• Be slow to “brand” people
• Prevent assholes from hiring other assholes
• Get rid of assholes fast
• Treat assholes as incompetent
• Remember that power breeds nastiness
Implementation of a No Asshole Rule
by Sutton
• Embrace the power-performance paradox
• Manage moments, not just practices, policies,
& systems
• Teach & model constructive confrontation
• Adopt the “one asshole rule”.
• Link big policies to small decencies. A
workplace-wide no asshole rule works best
when the rule effects how people talk & work
Systems of interventions
• Biannual performance reviews
• Performance Improvement Counseling
• Use Risk Assessment Instrument
Heacox & Sorenson ( 2006)
• Any criminal act should be reported to the police
• If no improvement, disciplinary action or
• Have protocols for investigation
• Have graduated sanctions & steps in Progressive
Setting the Precedents
• 1998 Court decisions made employers
responsible for harassment & discrimination
by employees who were acting as agents of
the employer
Legally Speaking
• There may be tort laws that apply, e.g. intentional
infliction of emotional distress, constructive
discharge, defamation, wrongful termination,
breach of contract, reckless indifference,
employer negligence.
• Consult an attorney
Burlington Industries v. Ellerth & Faragher v. City
of Boca Raton
• Mar. 2005 first bullying trial resulted in a
$325,000 verdict against a bullying Indianapolis
Setting the Precedents
• Aug. 2005 Jury awarded $366 million to a
physician bullied by abuse of the peer review
• Feb. 2006 Teacher received settlement of
$500,000 in a defamation lawsuit filed against
the school district
Legally Speaking
-M. Kohut
• Employees who are mistreated in the
workplace have no legal recourse that
specifically addresses bullying unless the
target has the “protected status” of being
discriminated against due to gender,
nationality, race, religion, age, or those
specifics covered by the American With
Disabilities Act of 1990, Age Discrimination in
Employment Act of 1967, or Title VII of the
Civil Rights Act of 1964
Wrongful Termination
• Thompson v. Tracor Flight Systems
HR manager was victim of “yelling & screaming”.
She feared for her safety& later resigned claiming
constructive discharge.
Court ruled the working conditions were
“unusually aggravated” and amounted to a
continuous pattern deemed intolerable & which
the employer refused to correct or mitigate.
Awarded $600,000 based on wrongful
Voluntary Resignation or Constructive
• “Constructive discharge” occurs when an
employer intentionally renders working
conditions so intolerable that an employee is
essentially forced to leave the
employment…The working conditions are
deemed intolerable if a reasonable employee
would find them to be so.
-Davenport, Schwartz, & Elliott, p. 176
• Can claim retaliation if subjected to hostile
behavior, demotion, discipline, salary
reduction, a negative evaluation, a change in
job assignment, or change in shift assignment
• Tort = wrongful acts resulting in injury to
another’s person, property, or reputation for
which the injured party is entitled to seek
• Intentional infliction of Emotional Distress
• Defamation—libel/slander statements
The At-Will Doctrine
• Most states are employment at-will states
• The employer’s right to terminate an
employee at will
• Is over 100 yrs. Old
• Recent court decisions “Unless an
employment contract expressly specifies term
of employment, an employer may discharge
an employee for a good cause, a bad cause, or
no cause at all, that is not contrary to law
Wrongful Discharge in Violation of
Public Policy
• Is an exception to at-will employment
• Prohibits two kinds of termination
Abusive termination
Retaliatory Discharge
Mental-Mental Injury
• Nontraumatic mental injuries
• 1996 Francis Dunlavey case
Legally Speaking
• 1999 Meritor Savings Bank v. Vinson
found unequal treatment of an employee
that occurred only because of gender or
other protected characteristic could “if
sufficiently severe or pervasive” constitute a
hostile environment in violation of federal law.
• Is verbal or physical conduct that over a period of time,
continuously & systematically:
1. intimidates, shows hostility, threatens, & offends any
2. interferes with a co-worker’s performance
3. otherwise adversely affects a co-worker
• Includes threatening, intimidating or hostile acts, generally
abrasive behavior, using obscene, or threatening language
or gestures, discrediting a co-worker, slander, withholding
information vital to co-workers job performance.
• Civil Rights Act of 1991 may be under
“protected Status”. Possibly age
• File a claim with state Civil Rights Commission
& Federal Equal Employment Opportunity
Commission (EEOC)
• Seek legal counsel
• Follow time frames
• No laws against mobbing
The Purpose of our existence is to
help other human beings.
If we cannot do that, the least we
can do is not to hurt them.
-The Dalai Lama
• The exchange of seemingly inconsequential
inconsiderate words & deeds that violate
conventional norms of workplace conduct
• Incivility can be very subtle or much more
Workplace Incivility
Taking credit for others’ efforts
Passing blame for our own mistakes
Checking e-mail or texting during a meeting
Sending bad news through e-mail so we don’t
have to face the recipient
• Talking down to others
• Not listening
Workplace Incivility
Spreading rumors about colleagues
Setting others up for failure
Not saying “please” or “thank you”
Showing up late or leaving a meeting early
with no explanation
• Belittling others’ efforts
• Leaving snippy voice mail messages
Workplace Incivility
-Pearson & Porath
• Forwarding others’ e-mail to make them look
• Making demeaning or derogatory remarks to
• Withholding information
• Failing to return phone calls or respond to email
• Leaving a mess for others to clean up
Workplace Incivility
-Pearson & Porath
• Shutting someone out of a network or team
• Paying little attention or showing little interest
in other’s opinions
• Acting irritated when someone asks for a favor
• Avoiding someone
• Throwing Temper tantrums
• 60% occurs top down, often as part of a
power play
• Upwardly aimed incivility is covert; men &
women are equally likely to be treated
• Offenders tend to be older & more
experienced than Targets
• Incivility is pervasive & growing
• 50% or more report it is not unusual to see
their coworkers treated badly
• Incivility is very costly to organizations
• People who work in uncivil environments are
proved to be less helpful, less courteous, less
creative, less cognitively able.
Incivility In Academia
-Heinrich 2006
• Setting up a colleague for embarrassment or
• Distortion of a person’s potential into a deficit
• Deceiving the faculty member through
misrepresentations & lying
• Shaming a colleague through either actions or
• Using covert tactics to betray the colleague
Incivility In Academia
-Heinrich 2006
• Not honoring personal boundaries or violating
the person’s space
• Separating according to prejudices
• Using win-lose mandating
• Blaming someone for his/her shortcomings
• Silencing by exclusion
Promoting Civility in Academia
Identify uncivil behaviors & the bullies
Deal with it openly & systematically
Make a risk assessment to determine degree
Gather support
Education of faculty @ uncivil behavior
Have clear policies & guidelines in faculty
Bullying of Academics follows a
• Horrendus, orwellian elimination rituals, often
hidden from the public
• Chairs bullying junior faculty
• Deans bullying tenured faculty
• Professors bullying students
• Students bullying a professor
Promoting Civility in Academia
• Introduce civil behaviors in grad school
• Assess the extent & types of policies written
on workplace harassment
• Action Research principles are recommended
• Analysis of workplace harassment policies
• Cultural Audit by an outside consultant
Recommendations for Research
• Development of consensus-based definitions
• Identify which techniques help contain
bullying individuals with the greatest degree
of effectiveness
Promoting Civility in Academia
• Grievance procedures should be in place &
• Sanctions
• Redress
• Recommend counseling & mediation for victims
& perpetrators
• Use of local chapter of the Am. Assoc of
University Professors
• Document everything
Promoting Civility for Students in
-Clark, C. & Cardoni
• Address with students during orientation&
have regular training sessions
• Basic = everyone is responsible for their
• Faculty need to create a safe forum for
students to express their concerns
• Have students co-create class norms
• Conduct student forums which include faculty
Promoting Civility in Students
• Educate students about horizontal violence,
how to identify it & deal with it
• Mentor students, building self-esteem & self
worth, communication skills
Cultivating a Civil Workplace
• Small steps taken consistently & relentlessly
create & sustain a civil workplace
• Cisco Systems
• Starbucks
• Davita Inc
• Microsoft
• O’Melveny & Myers, LLP
Creating & Sustaining Civility
• Set a zero-Tolerance Expectations
• Look in the Mirror
• Weed out trouble before it enters your
• Teach Civility
• Train employees & Managers how to
Recognize & Respond to Signals
• Put your ear to the ground & listen carefully
Creating & Sustaining Civility
When incivility occurs, Hammer it
Take complaints seriously
Don’t make excuses for powerful Instigators
Invest in Post departure Interviews
Create a work environment that facilitates &
supports collegiality & effective
communication & IPR
Creating & Sustaining a Civil
• Do background checks before interviews
• When interviewing, let candidates know how
important mutual respect is in your
• Use Behavioral Event Interviewing. Ask @ a
time when things went well & a time when
they did not
• Check for burnout
Creating & Sustaining a Civil
• Talk to people who have worked with the person
• Use a team approach
• Check references. Check references. Check
• If you spot a problem, keep searching
• Use multiple interviews
• Can use MMPI, CPI. Hare Psychopathy Checklist
Creating & Sustaining a Civil
“management by walking around”
Cultivate bellweathers
Expectation = respectful behavior
Recognize & reward pro-social & respectful
formal & informal leadership through
promotions, awards, raises, etc.
• Display excitement & interest in what people
are doing by giving verbal comments &
written congrats
Creating & Sustaining a Civil
• Take immediate & visible action to deal with
harassment by meeting with the alleged
target & harasser & gather facts
• Attempt Executive coaching
• Use progressive discipline (probation)
issue a written warning
State what will happen next
Creating & Sustaining a Civil
• When witnessed or reported, the bullying
behavior should be addressed IMMEDIATELY
• If bullying is entrenched in the organization,
complaints need to be taken seriously and
investigated promptly. Reassignment of those
involved may be necessary (with an “innocent
until proven guilty” approach)
• Structure the work environment to
incorporate a sense of autonomy, individual
challenge/mastery, and clarity of task
expectations for employees – Include
employees in decision-making processes
Creating & Sustaining a Civil
• Encourage open door policies
• Investigate the extent and nature of the problem.
Conduct attitude surveys
• Improve management’s ability and sensitivity
towards dealing with and responding to conflicts
• Establish an independent contact for employees
(e.g., HR contact)
• Have a demonstrated commitment “from the
top” about what is and is not acceptable behavior
Creating & Sustaining a Civil
• Develop clear organizational guidelines for
leaders & employees to be accountable for
workplace behavior & to intervene when
witnessing bullying of colleagues
• Discuss concerns of bullying at staff meetings
• Provide ongoing education to reinforce
organization’s commitment to ensuring a
caring & respectful environment
Creating & Sustaining a Civil
• Hold awareness campaigns for EVERYONE on
what bullying is. Encourage reporting
• Ensure management has an active part in the
staff they supervise, rather than being far
removed from them
Creating & Sustaining a Civil
• Issue a second warning
• Next demote, suspend or terminate employee
• Offer employee an honorable way out if
possible. Or escorted by security.
• Manager should model appropriate behavior
• TOCS – Toxic Organizational Change System
by Kusy & Hollaway
What can Managers do to cultivate
• Time: Several weeks to write a policy on how
to handle bullying and train managers
accordingly. You’ll need a few hours to meet
with employees when an issue arises.
• Input: Encourage employees to report bad
behavior. Add questions about bullying to
existing tools like 360-degree feedback
reviews, skip-level meetings, workplaceculture surveys, or sexual-harassment training.
What Can Managers Do To Cultivate
• Policy changes: Talk to HR about adding bullying
to your company’s discrimination policies. Most
policies cover harassment that is unlawful, such
as sexual or racial harassment, but a bullying
policy simply outlines behavior that is
inconsistent with company culture.
• A company culture that doesn’t tolerate bullies:
If bullying is coming from the very top, this
behavior will be impossible to root out.
Return to Civility
• 365 ways to be civil
• “Maybe they are not trying to be rude, they’re
just forgetting to be civil”.
by John Sweeney
The World Declares War on Bullying
• 1990 – Heinz Leymann, Swiss, published &
research- defined mobbing
• 1988 British journalist Andrea Adams coined the
phrase “workplace bullying”Wrote 1st book in UK
on bullying
• 1994 Australia -Beyond Bullying Association
BBA 1st conference
• 1997 Dr. Susan Steinman Hyenas at Work
International Laws
» 1994 Sweden 1st law against workplace bullying
• UK Employers have duty to protect employees
Safety & Health for Employment Law codes
2001 Protection from Harassment Act
• Australia 1994 Public Sector Ethics Act
1996 The WorkCover Queensland Act
1997 Workplace Relations Act
2005 SafeWork SA Amendment to the
Occupational Health, Safety & Welfare Act
International Laws
• France 2002 Social Modernization Law
• Canada
• U.S.???????????
What can Society Do?
• Civility needs to start early
• Awareness & support of special community
• Special programs in schools
• Attention to quality of relationships
• Greater awareness of connectivity
• “It pays to be civil”
No Innocent Bystanders
• At this point in time, everyone has to work to
end bullying
• We need to take on bullying as a community,
rather than as individuals
• Enroll our children in schools, programs,
sports, that foster & celebrate civility in
• Provide resources & help them be knowledgeable
• Help them to not feel guilty, ashamed, but to feel
empowered that they can control their situation
• Help them make a plan & problem solve
• Encourage students to talk with teachers,
counselors, school administration.
• Inform children of McGruff Safe Homes or start
them in your community.
School’s Responsibility
• The school is responsible for maintaining
order at school
• Teachers set the rules. Bullying is against the
• Under the National Safe Schools Framework of
Jan. 2003 schools are required to address the
issues of bullying & harassment.
Civility throughout time
Buddha 563—483 BC
Socrates, Plato, Aristotle
The Renaissance
George Washington 1732-1799
Abraham Lincoln 1809-1865
Dale Carnegie 1936
Helpful Web
In Summary
Be Savvy
• The best response to the first episode of bullying
• Moving from Victim to Warrior & Verbal Sumaria
• When one finds themselves as a target in a bullying
situation, the first step is to ………
• The next step is to Strategize and ..….
• Solicit Witness Statements & Support
• Name some soft strategies for dealing with a bully
• Documenting & Record Keeping
• Tips for Finding a Good Attorney
• The complexities of whistle blowing
• Survival Strategies if you decide to stay
• Negotiating a Termination Agreement if you
decide to leave
• Strong Statements to practice & use
• Ways companies can build & sustain healthy work
• Legal aspects of bullying and Precedent cases
• Incivility in Academia & suggestions to remedy
• Helpful books & websites
Useful Resources
• The Australian government has put together a
publication on “Advice to Supervisors on Bullying
in the Workplace” that includes useful resources
for employers, including a checklist to assess
whether you have a bully-free workplace. Use
this checklist to see whether you are being
bullied or have a bullying workplace:
Useful Resources
• Key Elements of New York City’s Workplace Violence Law Fact
• Guidelines for Preventing Workplace Violence for Health Care &
Social Service Workers:
• Dealing with Workplace Violence: A Guide for Government Agency
• Article distinguishing bullying from harassment: Bullying at Work
Can Have Legal, Financial Penalties:
Useful Resources
• Workplace Bullying and Trauma Institute, Bellingham,
• Advice for Employers on Workplace Bullying:
• Guide for Employees on Workplace Bullying:
Useful Resources
Guide for Employees on Workplace Bullying:
• NIOSH Update: Most Workplace Bullying is
Worker to Worker:
Useful Resources for Employers
• Advice for Employers on Workplace Bullying:
ore kplace.html.
Useful Resources
• Dealing with Workplace Violence: A Guide for Government Agency
• Article distinguishing bullying from harassment: Bullying at Work
Can Have Legal, Financial Penalties:
• NIOSH Update: Most Workplace Bullying is Worker to Worker: Workplace
Bullying and Trauma Institute, Bellingham, Washington:
Reference List
• APNA 2008 Position Statement on workplace Violence,
• Cade, Valerie, Bully Free At Work, What You Can do to
stop workplace bullying now, 2009.
• Cavaiola, Ann A, & Lavender, Neil J., Toxic Coworkers,
New Harbinger Publications, 2000, 207pp.
• Chapman, Dave,, 8-16-2010.
• Clark, Cynthia, “The Sweet Spot of Civility: My Story”,
Reference List
• Clark, Cynthia, & Cardoni, Cari, 2010, “What
students can do to promote civility, Reflections on
Nursing Leadership, 36:2. www.reflections on
• Crowe, S. A. Since strangling isn’t an option,
1999, Penguin Putnam, Inc. 274 pp.
• Davenport, N, Schwartz, R, Elliott, G. Mobbing,
Emotional Abuse in the American Workplace,
Civil Society Publishing, 216 pp.
• Elgin, S The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense at
Work, 2000. The Penguin Group, 340pp.
Reference List
• Forni, P.M. The Civility Solution, What to do when
people are rude”, 2008, 166 pp.
• Futterman, Susan, When You Work for a Bully , Croce
Publishing Group, LLC,2004, 245 pp.
• Glass, Lillian, The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Verbal SelfDefense, Alpha, 1999, 338pp. Guiness, O.S., The Case
for Civility and why our future depends on it., 2008,
Harper Collins Publishers, 214pp.
• Griffin, M. (2004). Teaching cognitive rehearsal as a
shield for lateral violence: An intervention for newly
licensed nurses. Journal of Continuing Education in
Nursing, 35 (6),1-7.
Reference List
• Heinrich, K.T. (2007) Joy Stealing: How some nurse
educators resist these faculty games. Reflections on
Nursing leadership 32 (2), 1-4.
• Heinrich, K.T. (2007). Joy stealing: 10 mean games
faculty play and how to stop the gaming. Nurse
Educator, 32 (1), 34-38.
• Horn, S., Take the Bully by the horns”, 2003, 302 pp
Kohut, M. The Complete Guide to Understanding,
Controlling, and Stopping Bullies & Bullying at Work.
2008. Atlantic Publishing Group, 285 pp.
• Hurd, David, Defamation & Blacklisting,, 3-2-2008.
Reference List
• Kusy,M. & Hollaway, E., Toxic Workplace!, 2009,John Wiley
& Sons, 242 pp.
• Longo, Joy, “Combating disruptive behaviors: strategies to
promote a healthy work environment” OJIN: The Online
Journal of Issues in Nursing Vol.15, No. 1, Manuscript 5.
• Lubit, Roy H., Coping with Toxic Managers,
Subordinates…and other difficult people, Prentice Hall,
2004, 368pp.
• Mueller, Robert, Bullying Bosses: A Survivor’s Guide, 2005,
• Namie, G. & Namie, R. The Bully at Work, 2009,
Sourcebooks, Inc, 336 pp.
Reference List
• Pearson, C., & Porath, C. The Cost of Bad
Behavior. 2009. The Penguin Group, 224p.
• Spindel, P. Psychological Warfare at Work,
2008, Spindel & Associates,, Inc., Toronto,
Ontario, Canada, 168pp.
• Sutton, Robert I., The No Asshole Rule,
Warren Business Books, 2007, 210pp.
• Twale, D.J., DeLuca, B.M.,2008, 219 pp.
Sharing ?
• I hope you have found this to be helpful &
informative. I certainly enjoyed preparing this
• Hopefully you will never need this info but if
you ever are in such a situation I hope it is
helpful to you
• Be a Workplace Warrior if you have to but I
wish all of you a peaceful, healthy work
environment never to be bullied
• You are a great audience!!!
• LET’S END Bullying in the Work Place!!!