Document 203915

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Take a look at these impressive Speidi Stats!:
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Heidi Montag is #9 on the list of Forbes’ Top 10 Celebrities on
Tabloid Covers of 2008.
US Weekly’s December 19, 2007 issue with Heidi cover story, “Why I
Called Off My Wedding,” is the only US Weekly issue to ever outsell
People!
One year later, the December 8th, 2008 US Weekly issue, which
broke the news on Heidi and Spencer’s elopement, sold 30% above
its average market share.
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In January 2008 alone, the couple appeared (as themselves) on the
hit CBS show How I Met Your Mother and were mentioned on hit ABC
show Ugly Betty.
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HOW TO BE FAMOUS will appeal to the same audience who loved
Tori Spelling’s Stori Telling (Simon & Schuster, 2008, 250,000
hardcover copies sold) and Paris Hilton’s Confessions of An Heiress
(Simon & Schuster, 2004, 150,000 combined copies sold).
MARKETING
ADVERTISING
̐ —Ž“™†‰›Š—™Ž˜Ž“ŒŽ“People
PUBLICITY
̐ †™Ž”“†‘’Š‰Ž†ˆ†’•†ŽŒ“
̐ †™Ž”“†‘•—Ž“™†“‰”“‘Ž“Š’Š‰Ž†ˆ†’•†ŽŒ“
WEB MARKETING
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“Into the breach between supply and demand have stepped
Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, the villainous couple from
[cable’s most popular] docu-soap....Creatures of the game in
every way, they have mastered the new realities of celebrity
—Los Angeles Times
culture.”
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GRAND CENTRAL PUBLISHING HARDCOVER
NOVEMBER
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ou couldn’t help it, could you? It’s okay. Don’t feel guilty.
We get it. You probably walked by this in the bookstore
and said, “Wait, those #[email protected]%^$# have a BOOK now?” But
here you are reading it. Don’t hate yourself.
We thought about starting the first page with something
like, “Hi, we’re Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt from blah
blah blah . . .” or something lame like that. But the point is,
you already KNOW that. If you don’t know who we are, we
can guarantee that your kid does. And that’s the point of
this book. We’re SUPER famous—and for what? We’re on
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a reality show . . . on cable for that matter . . . and we’re not
even allowed to acknowledge on the show that our real jobs
are, well, being on a reality show!
But why should you listen to us? We’re just lucky, right?
Just a couple of blond bimbos who like to cause trouble.
Well, take a look at this list: Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Aniston, Heath Ledger, Jamie Lynn Spears, Nicole Richie, Jessica Simpson, Suri Cruise, Shiloh Jolie Pitt, Owen Wilson,
and Heidi Montag. That’s a Forbes top ten list of celebrities
who have appeared on the most magazine covers in 2008.
Everyone else on that list is a long-term A-list star. We’re
talking Oscar winners, Grammy winners, children of the
most famous people on the planet . . . and Heidi. Do you
think that happened by accident?
Admit it, you’re intrigued. And it’s only natural. Because
the truth is that whether you love us, hate us, or love to hate
us, there IS a recipe for infiltrating Hollywood, and we’ve
got it. Sure, it’s not rocket science, but it IS a science. Our
expert technique comes from years of careful study of fame
and its essential elements, painstaking analysis of its masters, an exhaustive process of trial and error, and, finally,
the formulation of the perfect strategy for capturing the attention of the masses.
Does that sound serious and articulate to you? Good. Because as airbrushed and airheaded as you may think we are,
we’re every bit as savvy. But because we’re such thoughtful,
giving people, we’re willing to share. You’re welcome.
What you are about to read is our no-fail, no-nonsense
(well, some would say it’s ALL-nonsense) insider’s guide to
take you from nobody to notorious. Take it from us, you cannot buy this kind of information. Well, at least you couldn’t
until now. So go on. What are you waiting for? Hold your
head high, march up to that register and shell out the measly $19.99 (aka roughly five Us Weeklys.) Next, book your
ticket to LA and make sure to tuck this in your carry-on. If
you follow our advice, it might just be the last time you ever
fly commercial.
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e realize this may all seem a bit daunting. We’re sure
you’re sitting there thinking, How can I possibly get famous? Who am I? Don’t sweat it. Like any problem, there’s
always a solution. You just need to break it down into steps.
You don’t just roll out of bed one day and become Madonna
or Angelina Jolie. But you’ll get there. The first step on your
journey is to do something exactly opposite to what you’ll
be doing once you succeed. Think about other people before
yourself. Yes, we know this sounds crazy. Please forgive us
for such an outrageous statement. But allow us to explain.
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by Heidi Montag
Step 1
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Now you may be worried about coming across too hard if
you’re always the bad girl, but as a woman you can soften yourself at any time. Of course, one distinct advantage
you have going for you more than anything else is the fact
that you can always cry. A crying woman trumps all things.
C’mon, ladies, you’ve tried it at home, you know. I’m not
saying it’s actually possible, but let’s pretend for one second
that you MIGHT be wrong in an argument one day. Just
go to the waterworks and all is forgiven,
isn’t it? It’s biological. Men and women alike respond to a crying woman with extreme sympathy. Even
the most hardened villainess can
break people down with puppydog eyes and a few tears.
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Yes, we know how cool you are. The sun shines on you
twenty-four hours a day. We get it. But you’re three times
more likely to get your picture into a magazine if your eyes
aren’t covered up. Remember, you’re not a Secret Service
agent hiding in the bushes. You want you—and as much of
you as possible—to be seen at all times.
A quick word on lighting, if we may. When a star appears
in a movie or on a television show, or even in an interview
on a talk show, a great deal of effort goes into them being
lit properly to look their absolute best. The same goes for
photo shoots, of course. There are people whose JOB it is
in all of those settings to check on the lighting. But when
you’re having your impromptu photo shoot, courtesy of the
paps, you have only yourself to take care of these things.
That being said, learn about the sun. There are certain
times of day when you just don’t want your picture taken.
The first is high noon, when the sun is its brightest. You’re
guaranteed to be squinting (as we’ve already established
that you should NOT be wearing sunglasses), and since
the light is that bright, you just look pale. The other time,
for the most part, is at night. Now we know what you’re
saying: you have to go out at night in order to be seen,
right? Sure, showing up at clubs helps. But when your picture is taken at night, they’re going to use flashes—and
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paps aren’t dealing in the high-end, flattering strobes that
you see at photo shoots. It’s going to be very harsh lighting, and there’s almost no way you can look good that way.
That’s why we almost never go out at night.
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If you’ve been following closely so far, you should be somewhat famous by now. After a while, the same old pictures
of you shopping at Kitson or eating lunch will all start to
blend together in the eyes of magazine editors and their
readers. It’s up to you to kick it up a notch. The last thing
you want to be is boring, right? There are many ways of
upping the ante, and the paps will love to come along for
the ride with you.
You want to go for what we call magic hour: either early
in the morning or during the couple of hours before the sun
sets. Take our word for it, this is when EVERYONE looks
their best. There’s a reason we always look so good in our
beach shots. Obviously it helps if you go to beaches like Santa Monica where the paps are always hanging around, but
keep in mind that they’re there all day. Only go when you’ll
look your best. You’re the celebrity. They’re on your clock!
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The key to real estate and pap pictures is location. You’re
going to need to travel in order to make the pictures of you
more interesting. Obviously, this isn’t something that will
work before you’re famous, as the paps won’t make the effort to follow you out of town until they’ve been able to sell
your pictures once or twice. But now that you’ve established
yourself, it’s time to branch out.
A quick note: if a celebrity goes on vacation, but there
are no paps there to photograph it, did they really go? In
your case, you might as well not have. If you’ve followed our
advice, you’ve realized that the paps are your friends, and
you’ve probably established a rapport with them. This is a
good thing in every way. They’ll give you your space when
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