For Couples Stage Three - A New Way to Make Love Porterbrook Clinic

Porterbrook Clinic
Sheffield Care Trust
Sensual Discovery
For Couples
Stage Three A New Way to Make Love
Information for Users of our service
Dr Kevan Wylie
Clinical Lead
Porterbrook Clinic
75 Osborne Road
Nether Edge
Sheffield S11 9BF
Telephone: 0114 271 6671
Fax: 0114 271 8693
Email: [email protected]
In this Stage, you will go on to have
erectile or ejaculatory difficulties to relax
penetrative sex. If you need to use
and achieve a degree of penetration
contraception, please make sure you
without having to manoeuvre into
have discussed this beforehand and
are ready and able to do so during
these exercises.
It might be tempting to think, “Right,
opportunity to move towards these
For a woman who has
back to normal now”, but this would be
goals at her own pace.
a missed opportunity. We want you to
Scissors is very relaxing, and is a good
apply everything you’ve learned so far
one if you are both tired after a long
and discover new things about sexual
intercourse, not just fall back on doing
Women need to be adequately aroused
what you’ve always done.
and relaxed before penetration begins.
This is an
Men often assume women are ready
experience penetration in a different
long before they are, so we suggest you
agree between you that the woman will
All too often, we think of intercourse
decide when she is ready to be
purely in terms of thrusting movement
penetrated, and let the man know.
and friction. The problem with this is
Similarly, the man will need an adequate
that we miss out on the exquisite and
erection for penetration – but this does
intimate feeling of just being without
not mean he has to be extremely hard
Learning this can greatly
and erect (i.e. the penis pointing
increase both physical sensation and
upwards). Through experience and by
emotional closeness.
It can also help
using a lubricant, you will learn that
enormously if you have suffered from
“adequate” may mean much less erect
erectile failure or rapid ejaculation.
than you might have previously thought
To get started, choose one of the two
was necessary!
sexual positions described further in this
leaflet – either “Woman Above (page
4)” or “Scissors (page 6)”.
Above is a very important position for
helping to solve almost any kind of
sexual problem. It allows the man with
Sensual Discovery for Couples
For either position -
While you do this, you may enjoy
making eye contact with each other,
Set the scene as you have done in
telling each other your feelings for
previous sessions, and spend some
each other and what you are
time enjoying each other’s bodies,
experiencing, and stroking each
drawing on everything you have
other’s bodies.
learned in Stages One and Two.
enjoy touching her own clitoris or
When you both feel ready, as part of
breasts to enhance her arousal, or
asking the man to do this.
lubricant on the penis and at the
The woman may
When you are ready (or if the penis
entrance to the vagina.
starts to become soft), make some
Relax and breathe slowly, then move
gentle movements of the penis and
into whichever of the two positions
vagina backwards and forwards or
you have chosen.
up and down (depending on which
Start to penetrate very slowly -
position you are trying), then pause
really, we do mean a millimetre at a
again. If the penis slips out of the
One writer says, “The first
vagina at any time, don’t worry - just
penetration creates the world in
slip it gently back in. If it is not hard
which you will make love together”.
enough to penetrate again, one of
Make it slow and sensuous, so that
you can spend some time pleasuring
each of you really has time to
the penis (as you learned in Stage
luxuriate in the sensations and
Two) before trying again.
feelings it creates.
When the man is inside as far as is
especially good for this kind of love
comfortable for both of you, stop
making, but feel free to experiment with
and keep still for a few moments.
other positions too.
Breathe deeply and enjoy the feeling
Stage is simply for both of you to be
relaxed and enjoy the experience of
Imagine the vagina
The aim of this
penetration in a new way. If either - or
both - of you want to go on to climax,
containing the penis. Do not worry
either during or after this exercise, that’s
about the firmness of the man’s
ok – but it is certainly not a requirement.
erection, but instead relax and enjoy
each other’s attention.
Taken from a book on Tantric Sex
techniques called “The Love Keys”
(1999), by Diana Richardson.
Stage Three - A New Way to Make Love
Rather, the idea is to bring the sensations
in your genitals fully into your conscious
(these instructions apply to the
awareness, and discover that:
Intercourse isn’t all (or even mostly)
about vigorous movement or
Kneel astride your partner, facing him.
You will be the one who guides his penis
Tiny movements can be incredibly
slowly and gently into your vagina
pleasurable. Sometimes less is more
(Figure 1). In this position, you will be
– the less movement and exertion,
able to control the depth of penetration:
the more sensitivity you both
if you lean forward with your chest close
to his, penetration will be quite shallow,
If you do not climax, this does not
whereas if you sit upright or lean back a
mean the sex has been a waste of
little, penetration will be deeper.
time; sex without orgasms can be
Try both, and see what you enjoy most.
very satisfying for both men and
Think of the penis as yours to play with,
explore and enjoy. It will also be easy in
We hope that, by the end of the Sensual
this position to kiss, maintain good eye
Discovery Programme you will be on the
contact and for either of you to stroke
road to solving the sexual problem you
your clitoris and breasts. You might also
came to the Clinic with – and more than
like to try reaching round behind you and
that, that you will also have discovered, if
very gently stroking your partner’s
you didn’t know already, that there is a
testicles, although this is probably not a
lot more to sexual enjoyment for both
good idea if you are trying to overcome
partners than thrusting, orgasm and
rapid ejaculation.
Sensual Discovery for Couples
Figure 1
Stage Three - A New Way to Make Love
Gently insert your penis into your
(these instructions apply to the
partner’s vagina - your partner may need
to bend her legs back a little further to
assist penetration and ensure that your
In this position, you lie on your side and
pelvises are comfortably together (Figure
your partner lies on her back next to you
2). A variation is to try having one of your
at an angle of approximately 45 degrees
partner’s legs between yours (Figure 3).
to you. She bends her knees up towards
This position gives good access to the
her tummy and places her calves over
woman’s clitoris and breasts, although it
your hips, so that they are resting on
does make kissing and eye contact a bit
your bottom. The entrance to her vagina
more difficult, because of the angle you
should be snugly against your pelvis.
are lying at.
Figure 2
Sensual Discovery for Couples
Figure 3
Here are some books you might find
How to Make Love to the Same Person
for the Rest of your Life – and Still Love It
by Dagmar O’Connor (Virgin Books,
Program to Help Low-Sex and No-Sex
Marriages by Barry and Emily McCarthy
(Brunner-Routledge, 2003)
Problems and Revolutionising your
Relationship by David Schnarch (Quill,
Written by ROSE WHITELEY for the
Porterbrook Clinic, Sheffield
© Porterbrook Clinic 2006
Stage Three - A New Way to Make Love
© Porterbrook Clinic 2006